1. You shouldn't read when you know you hate the writer and what's written.
2. Don't anticipate an ending because sometimes it won't be as good as what you imagine.
3. Don't begin something that you know doesn't quiet end. (Hint: relationshits)
4. Drink water, it will serve your body well.
5. Persuasion is the second most powerful drug after words.
6. Stop being jealous towards other people. They have things they hate in life just like you do.
7. Don't stalk, its unhealthy.
8. Never wait for something or someone that will never come around.
9. If a chance passed, let it go. There are no such thing as second chances.
10. Even if there is, it wont work. Therefore, refer point 8.
11. Be thankful with what you have in life. You might not get it again. Other people might never have it.
12. Don't strike a conversation with your ex (friend/ bestfriend/ boyfriend/ crush/ almost-happened-never-did-happen/ fiancee/ husband)
13. If a conversation may occur, let the other party start. You'll be entitled to be the one being mad.
14. You might think its over, do remind yourself the resentment is still there.
15. May not be much, but let yourself know its still there. Not to start another feud, but to put clear conscience on your head never to begin things again.
16. Disinfect hands at all time.
17. Disinfect your thoughts of bad memories it you can.
18. Don't hold you pee.
19. See a gynae if you think things are not normal.
20. Make sure you have the funds to see the gynae.
21. Refer to your hierarchy of needs to start the New Year.

Happy 2010!
Hopefully it is going to be a happy new year.

Gila ke kalau dalam umur sekarang ni, dalam masa tak berapa-apa, I want to be married. Memang naluri manusia untuk hidup berpasangan. Dan setiap orang, kalau ada jodoh, maka adalah pasangannya. Satu sahaja masalahnya, I dont want a boyfriend. If there is going to be a relationship, I want it to be marriage.

Dua hari ni, dah habis 7 novel Melayu. Semua ceritakan kisah cinta membawa ke perkahwinan. The right kind of love, my type of love. Dalam 7 cerita itu, sempat titipkan 1 lagi kisah. Kisah cinta perkahwinan juga, tapi berulit airmata. Kisah cinta Natrah dan Mansor Adabi. Untung nasib mengemas bilik terjumpa artikel tulisan Aunty Fatini tentang Natrah untuk Dewan Masyarakat keluaran April dan Mei 1989.

Baru minggu lalu ke teater Natrah di Istana Budaya. Sungguhpun pementasan agak overated, tapi berkesan sedikit. Cukup untuk lakukan research sendiri, for me to know more. Nak baca biografi tulisan Aunty Fatini, belum keluar lagi. Jadi research melalui internet sajalah.

Dari artikel Dewan Masyarakat 1989, berjurai-jurai air mata. Pertama kerana hebatnya generasi dahulu menegakkan Islam. Dan kedua, kerana kesan kehilangan cinta dan harapan.

Cinta pertama seawal 13 tahun. Kemudian dipaksa dilepaskan, kesannya siapa tahu? Perkahwinan lain dan kehadiran zuriat mungkin mengubat. Tapi untuk sementara sahaja. Jika tidak, mengapa Natrah setelah puluhan tahun berlalu, bereaksi aneh setelah melihat Mansor Adabi melalui video? Saki-baki kasih masih ada, sentiasa ada.

Impak cinta. Puluhan tahun berlalu, masih terasa. Setelah melihat bekas suami elok berkeluarga, barulah harapan diputuskan. Realiti kehidupannya yang tidak bahagia memaksa diri melepaskan yang ada dan mencari yang tidak diketahui. Natrah mahu meninggalkan perkahwinan, tetapi bukan anak-anaknya.

Dari pemahamanku, mungkin anak-anaknya membahagiakan. Tapi ada lagi yang tidak mencukupi. Untuk kembali kepada bahagia yang dulu, apa lagi yang wujud? Mak Aminah sudah tiada. Mansor Adabi bukan lagi miliknya. Maka dengan itu Natrah cuba mencari bahagia dengan mengganti teman?

Wajarlah Natrah melalui gangguan tekanan perasaan. Di mana lagi harus sandarkan harapan apabila dia tempat untuk dia kembali? Satu sahaja persoalan. Di usia yang matang, sudah berakal, tiada tanggungan, kenapa Natrah tidak berharap dan bercinta dengan agama?

Dia pernah sayangkan Islam. Dia pernah menganut Kristian Katolik, tapi keduanya tidak diamalkan lagi. Mungkin Natrah keliru. Walaupun tanpa teman, sekurangnya dia ada pegangan. Faith is believing without evidence. If she have faith, she could at least save herself from her own misery

Kehidupan natrah mengecewakan. I dont blame her for the things that happened in her adolescence years. She didn't have any say then, There were too many deciding for her. But afterwards, she had years of chances to change her life to be better. Why didn't she take them?

Mungkin salah dia tidak mecari Tuhan dan agama. Mungkin salahnya pada bimbingan yang tiada. Atau mungkin salahnya sebagai ibu yang berkorban diri untuk anak-anaknya. Mungkin Natrah itu tidak wujud lagi. Mungkin yang ada hanya Mama untuk 10 anaknya.

Aku salahkan cinta. Cinta Natrah pada Islam yang dirampas. Cinta pada keluarga di Malaya yang sentiasa diingati. Cinta pada keluarga di Belanda yang tidak mahu dilepaskan. Cinta yang tidak tahu di mana harus disalurkan. Sebenarnya Natrah kehilangan. Dia kehilangan zaman kanak-kanaknya. Dia kehilangan kesenangan. Dia kehilangan harapan dan kasih sayang. Natrah hilang kebahagiaan.

Nadra binti Ma'arof, Huberdina Maria Hertogh, I pray for a better after life for you. You deserve your bahagia.

PS: Sila abaikan mode jiwang dan bahasa puitis. Salahkan novel-novel Melayu yang asyik ceritakan perihal nikah kahwin. Dan juga salahkan serendipity yang temukan kisah Natrah dan Mansor Adabi pada si hopeless romantic ini.

PS2: Abaikan hal nak kahwin tu juga. Banyak lagi hierarchy of needs yang perlu diselesaikan.

Semalam pergi tonton Natrah di Istana Budaya dengan Shaffiq, Lya, Nelly and Liyana. I was okay when it started. I was fine when it ended. I was jumpy when we waited for Remy. I was uncertain when we were deciding where to eat. I was queasy in the car. I was unsure at OldTown. I was chatty while they eat. I was quiet in the car ride home. I was lonely.

I enjoyed the company. I really did. Its just that seeing Lya with Nelly, and Liyana makes me miss Millie and Nana so much. So much that I don't feel good inside. They were laughing, sharing inside jokes, camwhoring, just having fun with each other. Its not that i don't like them. I do, they're easy to get along with. They're fun. Its just that I miss having that of my own.

I haven't seen Nana since the last time she went back in April. And she wont be back until next Easter. 1 whole year of not seeing her. And both of us have been busy so we haven't had our regular phone calls since forever. Not much email or even FB. Its hard. I understand you're busy. Its just that I miss you so much.

As for Millie, thank god she'll be back in a week. And thank god Im on my semester break. More time to lepak with kesayangan. Milly comes back regularly, and we do keep contact through Skype, emails and FB. So its not as bad. But next year, I have to brace myself. She wont be back for summer as she's doing her job placement there. And InsyaAllah, I might not be here end of next year when she's back.

They both wont be here next year. I might not be here too.

Sometimes, there comes a time when I really need someone to hold on to. Most of the time Im fine by myself. Im capable of being independent. But sometimes, at times like this. When Im feeling lonely, when I need someone to crumble to, it helps if there is someone there. Someone to be my pillar.

I miss us. Sangat-sangat.


See how bad I miss you? Sampai I tak tertulis review Natrah. And the level of Remy's hotness sehingga he gave us Remygasm. Har har! Seriously, Remy next to Johnny...I tak nampak Johnny dah.

Sila tolong jangan volunteer diri lagi if you can't deliver.

-Permintaan dengan penuh harapan

I got 2 incidents I MUST tell everyone.

Incident 1
Main character: Ya

After leaving Timah for the final time on 30th November, Ya and I went back to Sungai Buloh. Mama served us sup gearbox with meatballs in addition to our Sani char kuetiau. After finishing our kuetiau, we attacked the gearbox. There are 2 sides of the muscle and ligament which we love because its chewy and so nice to eat. Ya finished one side and 'pass the baton' to me. I started biting my side of the bone while she was looking- no, staring, at me. As I got to the third bite (with the very appealing crunch sound mind you), ya can't help it anymore and exclaimed NAK!! I was laughing already sebab muka dia sangat kasihannnn. I told her I dont think Im ready to be married if Im not satisfied eating like that. Ya replied. (here's the best part) "tu lah..kita ni macam CARNIVAL kan?"

Yerp! She joined carnivore and cannibal together.

Incident 2
Main character: Eikha

Yesterday E, Ya, Redza, Ayaq and I had late lunch at Mahligai's club house while waiting for the rain to stop. We planned to go swimming when the rain pours, so us girls who were famished made them boys eat with us too. After eating, I bought a bun to be eaten with my teh o. The rest have finished and were walking towards the gazebo. I had a bun on 1 hand, and my cup of tea on the other so I was not sure how to avoid the rain from getting in my tea. "Alaaaaa, cemana ni? Nanti hujan masuk dalam air" to which Eikha replied, "Entah Fa ni, genius. Meh la I habiskan roti you tu!"

I was dumbfounded when I heard that and just cracked up laughing. Redza pun dah tak boleh control his laughter. You're the genius E!

And I'll poop soon afterwards! Like the other day I took the train to KL Sentral to go back to SA, I had 1 sausage McMuffin and 1 Subway sandwich of the day. Then on the bus on the way to SA, i want to poop. Its always like that. That's why I don't like to take the bus or commuter.

The route is long, it takes time to get to each stop and its scary! Not to mention there's no toilet provided. Fine, the Putra line and monorail pun takde toilet. Tapi each station dekat2. So I can just run to the nearest toilet. Okay enough.

Do you know Im kinda sorta homeless? Abah asyik outstation je. So mama, adik and I will tumpang at Warisan on the days he's not here.

I moved out of Timah already. We all did. Because the owner sold the house. And the new owner just can't wait to move in. We hope you'll have a good time at Timah like we did. Don't mind the nosy next door neighbour with super sonic hearing who can hear every footstep and every single whisper. He's like that.

The day we finally move out Ya and I had to throw out at least 10 girls worth of item. Ada je barang tercicir. Towel lah, baju lah, kasut lah, knick knacs and a whole shelf of books. But we didn't touch the shelf. Tak pindah pulak kang selagi tak settle.

The rest of the items, the furniture and appliances, the owner allow us to take. So Timah next door took the big dining table, Ayaq took some dining chairs, Pakchaq took the long rattan couch, dapur gas, some cups and plates AND the rest was taken by Ozy and his housemates.

Now, apa adab memberi dan menerima? Memberi seikhlas hati dan menerima seadanya. Right? Here's the thing. Ozy, that's Ana's boyfriend, he literally polished the house. I think if we didn't book some of the things, they would have taken it all. They actually took 2 light bulbs! Melampau kan? Benda tu pun nak sebat. Dahlah macam2 dah bagi elok2, nak jugak buat hal. Its not your house nor mine la gila! U can't take and I can't give just like that.

Get this. The time i got to know he took the bulbs I called him and he said he didn't take it. So I texted telling him to give back the bulbs if any of his friends might have taken it. He replied 'hehe ada tadi ozy TERAMBIK 1, ana dah larang tp ozy saja je ambik nak tgk sha ckp apa. Ni nak pth blk ni. Haha' MY ARSE!

Terambik. Ye! Rajin pulak memanjat nak cabut bulb daripada lampu kalau terambil kan? Dua pulak tu! I made them give back both. When they came back, only Ana went in . She put the bulbs on the sofa. When I asked her to put it back on she said 'malaslah, I x sampai' ewaaaah dah pandai cabut, suruhlah Ozy. Jadi Ozy pun masuk utk pasangkan. Siap ada remarks 'ni xleh pakai dah ni' MEMANGLAH TAK BOLEH KALAU KAU DAH TUKARKAN DGN YANG ROSAK DARI RUMAH KAU! Ingat kitorang bodoh sangat? Dahlah bulb pun lain. Malas nak panjang cerita, bukak mulut kang makin banyak pulak aku dapat tau.

Yea, ni memang public accusation. Ni memang dah langgar writing ethics. Ni memang put u to cyberspace shame, as if you didn't do that to yourself first. Kenapa? Nak sangkal? I got witness.

Girl, you just crossed the line. When you joined us we welcomed you. You gain friends way better than those you had before. Funny you waited until the end to show your stripes. Is there anything else we should know about you that we don't already know?

Im now in station Putra. We were all asked to clear the trams and wait at the other platform sebab one of the gerabak ada electrical problem. Mini fireworks show people! Malas nak pindah dengan beg baju ni lagi. Tapi tren meletup kang tak pasal je.

Cerita exam pulak. The boys had their haircut already. I have a thing for clean cut boys, jadi semuanya nampak alluring di mata ku. Hahahaha. Anip and paley yang dah biasa rambut panjang looked like handsome pengkids now. Fadol tak nampak macam younger version of Encik Dat dah. Fieq's haircut, I don't like. He look better with the one before. But Nazmi, he looked good! 6 semesters, ni first time he had his hair differently.

Yesterday was the first paper. Research Methodology. Terbaik lah kalau first que 40markah and more than half of the class tak boleh buat. Why? Because we were taught that on the last class, very few came. Semester 5 prepared better because Prof always made them practice that kind of question. I say, salah dua2. You guys for not coming to class and maaflah lecturer tapi I can't adapt to your laissez-fairre method of teaching anymore. You can be that way, joke that way, have your class environment that way but NOT when you are teaching or grading us. Berapa kerat yang rajin buat extra research? Nil.

Finally disuruh pindah to the former platform to continue with our route. I've been writing from my phone dari Kuang. Tak settle2 lagi. Tak sampai KL Sentral lagi. Dahla belum mandi. Hahahaha konon2 style American. Padahal tak tahan sejuk.

Oh! Hoping for sufficient amount of money to go backpacing with Shaffiq in Summer 2011. Yg penting, lepas grad - INDONESIA! Get AISEC to help too.

Train is here. Nak berak

I seriously bad mood macam haram today. I am exhausted, I am angry, I am frustrated, I was blur, my mind was clouded, I don't process information well, I langung takde sense of urgency (memang selalunya takde tapi harini melampau takde rasa), Im unprepared, I felt hopeless.

Kiranya harini jangan expect Hani to be productive and friendly lah. Apa-apa message pun pending je. Otak tak translate. Dahlah penat communte from Shah Alam to KL by bus. Ye saya complain sebab I hate buses. Dengan phone takde battery, kene tunggu sampai Sungai Buloh baru boleh charge.

Kiranya the day got lots of glitches which I can't exactly avoid. Including being mad at people around me but I didn't express it to them because the people I see don't deserve my mouthful of spit. Therefore I kept it to myself which results in me being bitter.

It continued on until 1:10am just now. You know what changed? My mood. Finally! I found something to read and de-stress myself. And among the things I read made me smile ear to ear. Takdelah kelakar gila boleh gelak guling-guling, tapi kelakar jugaklah sampai boleh lift up my mood kan?

Kiranya guys can write as corny and as cheesy as girls do when it comes to love. It really did tickle my funny bone. I suka stumble into something at times I don't expect. Macam ni lah baru rasa Serendipity. Elok juga jadi cyberspace stalker ni kadang-kadang. I clicked New Post to bitch out again tadi. About incidents yang boleh diberikan perumpamaan 'bila terhantuk, baru mengadah' akan tetapi my sorrow, bitter mood dah hilang jadi tak perlulah membuka pekung di dada ni kan. Let bygones be bygones. I gave up pun actually.

Kiranya Im saved from dosa menghina, mengutuk dan mengungkit malam ni.

1. Broadband connection in Sungai Buloh yang tak macam babi terbang
2. Kain baju magically unpacked to the designated areas so that my room tak nampak macam tongkang pecah
3. Im not here in Malaysia, not trying to finish my diploma
4. The holiday trip Toto & Neni were talking about last weekend will actually happen
5. Backpacking trip, so that I can escape
6. Money to survive daily life
7. Nafsu nak shopping because last weekend I can't seem to like anything eventhough Toto offered to pay
8. Jihu materialise in front of me
9. Manageable hair
10. Being able to live in Timah
11. Having just enough money so that my head wouldn't ache thinking about plans put to halt due to the lack of financial
12. Circumstance that allows me to accept the job offers I've been getting the past 3 weeks
13. Computer yang takkan crash everytime I bukak more than 3 windows
14. Otak tak serabut sangat

Somehow, Im not worried about the exam coming up. Im not worried about the fact that I'll be homeless if I can't come up with the deposit for rent, Im not worried about the assignments I didn't hand in. Im not worried about the latest bulletin issue that I didn't print. Im not worried. Why? Because people don't care. They never did. I think its high time I stop too. Sebab Im so freaking tired.

Bila I boleh start depend on another person? Bila is it my turn to look forward for things from other people? Bila time untuk I tak jadi kaunter pertanyaan? When? Its now.




That's how frustrated I am. Bila korang nak jadi berani? Make changes. Make me eat my words.

Dah lama tak update kan? So here's the deal. I dah lama tak balik rumah. And if balik pun kadang2 tak panas buntut pun. Balik, more like singgah. Then bila balik singgah, that's the only time I boleh online. Sebab tu online sampai pagi buta tak tidur-tidur. Next day baru tidur dalam kereta otw to KL.

MALANGNYA! Online kat rumah macam kembali ke zaman dial up. Lembab macam kerbau pendek terbang. Lepastu asyik crash. Buka lebih sikit je crash. Crash, crash! Thanks lah ye. Menyusahkan tahap gaban. Tukang clean up, tukang troubleshoot..aku lah juga.

Speaking of which, kiranya from the beginning I dont want to take responsibilities in handling the event. Partly because its not exactly benefitial in curricular aspect and due to the fact that I can't be the boss. Takde lah nak mengaku gila kuasa, akan tetapi I can't see myself working well under 2 bigheads. But I x sampai hati nak tengok it fall apart because the event is organised by my semester. Thus, it carries my name. I wont say I expect it to fail tapi Im trying my hardest to make it happen. Kalau korg notice, nama I tak listed under orang penting pun. Im not the event head, or any sub commitee's head. So why should I care kan?

Malas nak sambung internal AND external problem. Panjang lebar boleh jadi syllabus tambahan subjek Events pulak nanti. All we need now is support. From other people yes. But how do we gain that bila yang supposedly bekerja ni pun tak commited?

Funny word. Commited and commitee, doesn't seem to add up. Seriously, I jenis perengus. Pemarah, irrational bila dah start marah. Tapi this time I really control my temper. Bila meeting, I datang. I take things seriously but in light manner so that kita semua tak serabut stressed out. I make stupid jokes, tease u guys so that kita gelak2. Tapi lama2 I see only the same 5 faces. Sigh. Takkan nak marah kat diorang yg make efforts.

I accepted being in the commitee because some of you literally nudged me to volunteer myself. Susah sangat ke nak make efforts tolong? I thought the first time I planned something for you was bad enough. I spent 3months trying to like you guys again. I hope this time will not be as bad.

Im terrified for next year. Major final project. Major drama. And there wouldn't be time to make amends afterwards. We will be scattered everywhere.

I know some of you read my blog. I minta maaf let out kat sini. Nak jumpa korang ramai-ramai serentak, memang harapan lah. And even so berapa ramai actually would listen? Everyone is too busy talking to each other. Bila semua bercakap, siapa yang mendengar? Im on the verge of frustration. But im holding myself. I hope you guys would own up. Kita buat ni from scratch. Nothing! No financial aids, nothing! Efforts korang je I harapkan.

There! Instead of bitching, open letter I keluarkan. Its a plea. At least be there so that korang tau whats going on and how to help. This is a learning process incase korang rasa its worthless.

Tapi kalau memang macam tu, I nak cakap apa kan?

Hi my name is Farah Hani, I am 20 and I have the J Fetish.

What does 20 feel like? The same! Im a year older but I do feel the same because I am still in the same environment, still doing the same thing. The difference is that I have more friends. Facebook friends is hitting 1000 and almost all minus 20 maybe, are real life friends. Some I just made at SEACHANGE.

What else is different? The celebration this year! I actually celebrated it. Wow! With Jaja and Sherry pulak tu. 2 girls I was close to in school who are not my classmates nor my bestfriends. It was really great that they made effort to celebrate with me. Terharu! We went to Pavi for tea and jalan-jalan. Cotton On rocks my cotton! Walking around Pavi feels like a reunion. I met Suhaila, Yonna, Lynna and Hanis. Funny day!

Not celebrating it with best friends, (Millie/ Nana/ Lya/ Emon) no changes there. Not celebrating it with family, no changes there since the last 10 years? Birthday treat at restaurants? Ahaa! Im gonna tuntut dinner at Tetikus from Ayah Sham because he promised it. Abg E treated me to a birthday lunch at Quan Ice-Cream Shop. Sedap!! We went with Hani and Kak Anum.

My collegemates was the funniest bunch. They planned with the whole class to boycott me, not talk to me, pretend they don't hear a thing when i talk to them but KORANG SEMUA FAIL !! The moment I came inside the class that morning, Hanna was already shouting greeting me from far. Despite DaddyDat being in front, teaching. Then all the ex-Timah and Arie came in sitting behind me. Since I wasn't there for the past 3 days, I need updates from them about Warna Nyte. Jadinya borak-borak jugalah.

Kecik and Sara went out during DaddyDat's class and only came back when Econs started. The girls was laughing joined by the rest of ex-Timah. When I asked, they said they were playing game tahan gelak. Something we always play during class when we are bored. But I sensed something was different when they didn't look at me or reply to anything I said. I just brushed it off.

At the end of the class, Sara announced for the class to sing to me as my birthday falls on Friday and we don't have class on Friday. After lunch Arie finally spilled the beans. They planned with the whole class to boycott me but none of them followed except for Nanie. Arie was pissed when some of them actually said "sekejap" (Rasid), "I lupa, start semula" (Phia), "Lepasni" Bip and the rest. Sumpah korang kelakar. Arie actually gave up.

I sat on the right side of the class. The ex-Timah girls and Arie was sitting behind me. So when I talk to the people from the other side, they made faces and gestures behind me to hint to the other side that they shouldn't talk to me. Damn it would be so much funnier to have a video of that.

That evening Abah and Mama picked me up from Timah so we left home for Sungai Buloh. At 8pm, Yana called.

Hani, kenapa you balik? Sapa bagi you balik? You sengaja nak lari eh? Siap you lepas ni kene lagi teruk!

Well, I didn't know kot. They didn't say they were planning for something. (Actually they did. Instead of showering me with flour and eggs, they want to mix together a concoction of chili sauce, mayonese, milk, and jeruk. All the thing I hate.) So yeah, I should be expecting for something.

Girls, thank you for your thought. Everyone, thank you for the birthday wishes. Some I got from the people I didn't expect. My love goes to you. Thank you so much! And yeah, never plan for the planner. It just won't be as good =)

Okay where do I start??

I am finally home after 2 weeks tak balik. Just got back from Pangkor for the class trip and Seachange Youth Engagement Summit 2009. Sila lihat centre spread Berita Harian 17 November, Im next to Nando Parrado wearing white beanie. Penat nak update actually but I'll try. When Im not as tired and sleepy as I am now I'll fill in the gap of stories.

Pangkor was great! Better than Bagan Lalang definitely but it rains every evening so the water is not clear. When we went snorkeling but it was a major letdown. Dahlah kaki kitorang semua terkoyak, tercucuk sea urchin, berdarah. But it was an experience worth remembering. Water activities memang of course best. Beach activities was funny and damn tiring!

First day we played games PappaNazri organized, simple games everyone thought lame but was okay. Sandcastle building, human bridge, and Samson, Delilah and the lion. Kinda like one two jus. Malas nak explain. The first night we had karaoke session. I wanted to sing Ku Mohon by Sheila Majid but the CD can't play it, so I sang one of the song from Mann. Hindusetan rules! Tak masuk competition lah. Just nyanyi-nyanyi je. Obviously Farah menang. Her competition Ajis sorang je. Tapi its surprising to find out Tisa can sing, Din can sing, even Zizan can sing!

Second day we went to a nearby village at Kampung Telok Gadong for our CSR activity. Their hospitality was the greatest! Kami diarak masuk dengan kompang okay! And there was nasyid performance especially for us. The kids were lovely. Tak sangka ramai yang datang to take part. Sampai souvenir tak cukup. They were wonderful. Bingit tapi seronok. Semua jadi budak-budak sama-sama haritu. Main bom each other. Of course la my team won! We are the snake, sssssssssssssssssssss!!!!

Evening activity was treasure hunt, lari kat beach penat gila okay! Muka masing2 macam nak berbunuh. Heheheh Abah panggil nafas kuda bila bernafas macam tu. Susah gila nak cari checkpoint from one end to one end.

That night was sort of a cultural night. Each group was to perform but it should not be singing. Most of us thought it will be a comical night like we had in Bagan Lalang. So we took the emotional approach. And out of 5, 3 groups presented sad sketch. I dont have the pictures nor the videos and I didnt get to watch Beep's performance. But everyone said Beep yang lemah-lembut itu mengejutkan semua apabila dia menengking Ajis dan menangis hiba. Lakonan menjadi! Kiranya ramai anak wayang dalam kelas tapi tak tonjolkan bakat.

My group presented a serious drama of siblings in broken family. I was the responsible sister who had to quarrel with Paley, the drug addict brother. It was really funny to start. i didn't have much confidence. I actually made him switch his character with Cwoo for fear of laughing on stage. Tapi bila naik stage! Fuh! Cerita satu sen tak guna. Paley brought out the best of his character and made me bring out the best of mine too. We were literally bertegang urat atas stage. The rest of them who watched was silent. I thought tak dapat sambutan rupanya senyap sebab terkedu.

Next morning after morning exercise and breakfast ada battle joget dari atas balkoni Timah and di bawah berwakilkan Hanna, Yaya, No'on, and Bam. Kelakar gila. Tapi layan kan ajalah. Asalnya the girls kat bawah battle dengan Paley and Arie. Then we took over. No pictures. Just videos. After that Banana Boat ride and snorkeling. My Banana boat ride was with Phia, Sara, Beep, Kecik, No'on, Hanna and Farah. Everyone else fell when their boat reach the shore. But us, we hold on to it because Farah wasn't feeling well and some was dead scared. So when the boat driver swerve to the ride, all of us grip the handle and shifted our weight to the opposite direction. Lawak gila masa driver tu pandang blakang tgk semua still atas boat. Hahahahahahaha.

Finally petang balik, malas nak cerita in details. Balik. Apa nak cerita? Kemas baju, angkat barang, tidur dalam boat sampai jeti. Jalan-jalan kat Lumut sampai bas datang pukul 6. Tunggu driver makan sampai 6.30. Sampai S.Alam pukul 11.30. Penat. Terus shoot of to Malaya Hotel to check in for Seachange.

SOUTH EAST ASIA...YES I CAN!

Esok sambung. Penat.

Yes I have issues with you. I have issues looking at you, seeing you in front of me, listening you talk to me. I have issues with you lips, honey. I have issues with you wanting to be flirty to me. I have issues regarding friends around you and me. I have issues.

I told you not to sweet talk me. Dont butter me up because you don't know how much Im holding myself not to melt away.

Dont show me your get-out-of-jail-free pass because its you who are free. I wont be, because i'll be locked and you'll hold the key.

You want to be friends? Lets be friends. Good enough to talk trash to each other but never close enough to declare something or the other.

Keep your vague intentions to yourself. Dont say things you don't mean. One of us might end up understanding it differently and expects more than what we have to offer.

I sense you having a bad effect on my heart. I can't select you because you're not good enough for me. I perceive you to be a problem.

The reason I ask you directly is to keep confusion aside. What did you do? You flirt.
The reason I declined was to restraint myself falling for you. What did you do? You asked me what's the problem? Well its you.
Now tell me, what will you do if I appeal to you to not flirt?

Just so I can stop the feelings I already have for you.

I was a nomad when i was younger. We moved a lot, from Kampung Baru to Taman Maluri to Pandan Jaya to Balakong to Desa Moccis to Shamelin Perkasa to Pandan Perdana and finally back to Desa Moccis.

Being in many places, i dont know or remember much of my neighbours. Heck, i dont even see them much as we will go out early in the morning after subuh and only come back at night. The only neighbours i can think of and actually 'adopt' as my neighbours are Ya's neighbours in Taman Keramat Permai. That's where i grew up. My adopted neighbourhood.

My earliest memory of childhood friends other than my cousins are my next door neighbours from Jalan Pria 2, Taman Maluri. I don't remember much about them but I remember the brother sister duo, Shamin and Tasya.

They moved before we did. And they gave me a picture of them in a rabbit frame as a parting gift. I like, love, and treasure that gift so much! I remember showing it to everyone who came to my house. And i made Abah write their name at the back of the picture. Im glad he did it because i never forgot them.

Each house we moved in, their picture will be on display. 17 years have gone past without me seeing them, ever! Abah and mama met their parents a few years back but lost contact again.

Im hoping to see them again. Or at least have them as my facebook friend. So if any of you readers might know a certain Tasya who has a brother named Shamin who use to live in Taman Maluri, please let me know. I dont know any other details nor the name of their parents but I do have their picture. Thank you!

Whoever comes are the right people;
Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened;
Whenever it starts is the right time;
When it’s over, it's over.

Are you the right person? Is it happening? Is now the time? Should it start?

* Thanks Ema for stumbling upon it, blogging about it and shining a little light on my path. Now I need answers.

How do i say no when all i want to say is yes? How do i avoid you when my eyes is always looking for you? How do i create a gap between us when i want to be near you?

How do i stop myself from falling for you? How do i reject you when you always catch my attention? How am i suppose to be cautious when you always approach nearer?

How am i suppose to not want you when you keep getting closer? How do i know you're sincere? How do i know its not just another game for you, the player?

You're charming, you're cheeky, you're a tease. But you're also a flirt.

Be single already! Then things will be easy.

Seriously Im so frikking pissed! I just dont get how people would want to be in a part of something but they clearly are not interested in. Kenapa? Nak nama je ke? Nak sijil? Im so pissed sebab my ass is on the line. Pastu aku nak jaga kebajikan kau pula lah? Hello! You are under me, kalau pun aku menyampah ke apa ke, bila orang kutuk kau. Aku back up! Sebab your working together with me. Its a collabrative effort lah! Penat lah kalau aku nak buat semua.

Geramnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! Boleh tak you are suppose to handle just a little piece. And you dont know what I told you to do. Format tak tau, kat mana benda tu tak tau. Tentang apa tak tau! I suruh tengok you boleh cakap tak sempat kot? Its been there for 1 month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can you not know about it? Argh! Sorry you've been busy? My arse you're busy. Aku lagi busy lah!

Nak ungkit cerita busy? I got 4 group projects. I need to have a survey and research done! I interviewed and wrote a report on an organisation! I need to shoot a video and present it next week. I need to create a website and present it. I went to a conference and need to write a report. I was in the organising comitee for events. I covered most of the events this month. Nak cakap u lagi busy? Bring it on!

Seriously, Im letting you go. Good for nothing. Because having you here is just the same as not having you around. *dirt off my shoulder*

First and foremost, I WON THE TRIP TO SEACHANGE!!!!!!! Therefore, I'll be celebrating my 20th birthday on the 20th of November with strangers new friends! There are 500 of selected winners from various South East Asia country and I'm one of them! I'm representing Malaysia!!!!! Hell yeah! I can't wait to be there and meet ALL of them. Especially Nando Parrado. I think I'm going to cry when I see him. He's such an inspiration.

I've talked to Prof Ali to allow me to be excused from classes on the 18th and 19th, so that's sorted. I'm just hoping there will be no presentations or projects submissions on both dates. By going to the conference I'll be away from home for 3weeks straight. Record tuh! This weekend Im having MUET examination and treasure hunt. Next weekend I'll be in Pangkor for the class trip. And the other week is YES2009. Busy girl heh? Wish me luck people!

I heard Achik's and Kak Su's cat, Yahoo is dying of Chronic Renal Failure. Sedih laaaa. Walaupun Im not as close to this one compared to the other ones before, we still think them as family. Im praying for you baby.

What else??? Disebabkan tengah mengantuk tahap takleh nak buka mata yang secara semulajadinya memang dah sepet, tak tahulah nak tulis apa. Oh! I can update about Witwicky.

Let me tell you things you don't quite know about Witwicky. He has a girlfriend, he's a flirt, he's a sweet talker, he has a lot of admirers and one of them actually did something that made he and his girlfriend quarreled. While she was mad at him, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Great innit?

Well, obviously I want it but definitely not that way. If that happens with his current girlfriend, it can happen to me too. And he's just fooling around. So that didn't count. He's great at doing that, fooling around. With lots of girls. Countless! Lets put it this way, I'm just setting some ground rules. If he wants it to happen, he will work for it. And I'll think about it because clearly he's incapable of monogamy. I want a relationship that can last a lifetime. And I'm not easy.

By the way, I think he knows I like him. I am that obvious aren't I?

Chup! Orang super excited ni got the wrong info. Ill be at the SEAchange summit on 16th to 18th. Which means, semua kelas pun i tuang. Habislaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Its been hell of a week! I only attended classes on Monday and Wednesday. Tuesday had to lepaskan secara tak rela kelas Multimedia Puan Gina because the appointment with MiSC corporate affair representative was on the same morning. We - Phia, Arie, Cwoo and I went there not expecting much. Maybe just a simple interview. We were surprised that they actually prepared a room for us, made powerpoint slideshow regarding the topic we need (Corporate Comm dept, CSR and internal programmes), projected and presented it as if we are investors for their company and gave us goody bags to bring home! Damn they're good! They really take care of the company's image.

I was almost in love with the presenter. Cik Hanim Hamid is young and yet she's the Group Corporate Affair Manager. She controls one of the division which handles MiSC and its 8 subsidiaries. I was in awe when she started speaking. Fluent English with articulate diction. And I absolutely love the fact that she can pull off a pixie cut do eventhough she is chubby. Her presentation was perfect. I didn't get to ask much question because she will answer it while presenting or I asked it ahead of time before she got to the topic. It was indeed well prepared.

Learning about MiSC surprises me, didn't expect a shipping ad vessel company to conduct CSR programs. And they do it many times annually. Its actually handled by the departments individually rather than 1 program per company. But they do have 1 main program - Navigate Your Career (NYC). It is targeted for both university students and school students but with different objective. For university students they are offering help in soft skills such as preparing for interview, polishing presentation and speaking skills as well as teamwork. reviews shown that a lot of them who joined the event made tremendous changes. 1 particular FELDA boy who was very shy was grabbed by Bank Negara even before MiSC got hold of him upon graduation. That's how great the programme was. Of course I wanted in! As for school students, the objective is more on promoting ALAM (Akademi Laut Malaysia) for them. As for this one, Arie wants in.

We forgot to take pictures with her but we got nearly 2 hours of video footage. I can't show you that, its too boring. Who would want to see it. Kesian Arie lenguh-lenguh tangan record video. And Cwoo tak habis-habis mengantuk . Going for the interview was definitely worth it. Walaupun parking charges RM8, its worth it. If they prepare breakfast, lagi worth it!

Next!

Thurday and Friday I went to an international conference hosted by UNISEL at Grand Bluewave Hotel. I was among the 4 students who were selected to represent our F-cult to do coverage of the event. Imran and Aking were assigned as photographers while Fiefie and I will be writing about the event. The 2 day programs was FUN! We got to work with people from both Unisel campus. Lets face it, all of us is under the same organization but we didn't know each other existed. That morning, the head MPP - Shafrizal (waaahh tau nama dah!) actually asked which Unisel I was from to give my tags. Sedih kan?


Whilst there, I got to know:

• the kakak-kakak from finance who we all loveeeee to hate,
  
• the very very very soft spoken MPP boys (memang tu requirements jadi MPP ke?),
  
• kakak librarian who are actually twins - I never knew that,
  
• the who's who of Unisel: Prof Zaidi, Prof Kushairi, Ibu Fonny, Puan Yuslina, etc,
• educationalist from the South East region and a few other countries,
  
• prominent business entrepreneur like Madam Noni Purnowofrom of Silver Bird (an Indonesian taxi service company) and Pak Mustain Sjadzali of PT Citra Panji Manunggal (an Indonesian pipeline company. Fiefie and I have a minor crush on him actually. He's such a gentleman!)
• the 8 psychologist to be from Unisel BJ - Naz, Vino, Ara, Mizi, Uan, Along, Amy, and Fatihin
• my current role model: Cik Wan Puspa Melati Wan Abdul Halim, 27 year old beauty with brains, HOD of psychology in Unisel BJ, Oxford grad, was the psychology lecturer at my F-cult and currently pursuing her PhD. Wow! (Just googled her and she's in portal perfileman Malaysia? hihihi)

It was great fun, great exposure and definitely a tiring experience. Oh! May I add there's a few Filipino boys who caught my attention? He was tall and fair and bald very much like Samuel Rizal. Turns out his father was one of the speakers there.The other is his friend who has a mullet haircut but got the long hair braided. And, I got harrased by 2 busboys. Scary kot! Everytime I pass by or look up I 'll catch them looking at me. On the final day Miss Ad actually told them off "tak malu ke kacau anak dara orang?" and they replied "Nak malu buatpe?"

Ewwwwww! Memang taknak lah kan! Of all the people, I mean there's almost 300 delegates and organisers, why you 2?? WHYYYYYY!!!!!
Thank you Puan Azian and Miss Ad for the opportunity. Really appreciate it.


Next in my list SEAchange conference in Putrajaya on 18-21 November. Hwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee accept my invitation if I sent you suggestion or email of it. It will increase my chances on winning the trip. Nak bayar sendiri tak mampu. Its RM3 frikking thousand! Menetes air mata tengok tadi. Literally okay! If I got the chance to go, I'll get to meet Nando Parrado, my hero. He's the ultimate survivor. You've seen the movie ALIVE starring Ethan Hawk? Or know about the plane bringing a rugby troop heading to Chile but crash in Andes mountains? I was about 10 when I watched the movie. This movie shocked me because in order to survive they resorted to cannibalism.They have to eat and there were not other food supplies other than the deceased. I always thought there were only 2 survivors from the accident and I never knew their names. I only remembered 1 character who refused to eat his friends and will always check if they are eating his sister or mother. He is Nando Parrado, one of the 2 who hike the mountains to get help for the 16 who survived. And he, will be speaking at the SEAchange summit.

I cried reading about him, talking about him, watching the movie, and now for the little chance of me seeing him in person. I hope I'm selected for the event. If that didn't happen, Mr. Parrado you always will be my hero.

Tonight I want to talk about regrets, but in a positive point of view. I want to talk about the 15 people who made me feel, but not enough to make it happen. I can't name names because as I said, I don't know who is reading Serendipity and anything I write can be used against me. Therefore you're in luck! Its a story, a confession and a quiz. Lets start now!

I Don't Wanna Know - Mario Winans
At 15, first deep crush was a Pan Asian boy with fluent speech in English, good looks and was a tahfiz. Impressive I'd say. I was twinkling eyes every night telling Abah stories about him. 5 years later, we are only Facebook friends. He moved abroad and is now a DJ. Im just hoping in some way, he never left that tahfiz side of him.

Izinkan - VE
Sweet 16! I aint that sweet with curly bangs that curled up to form devil horns on my head. What's sweet was he thought I was cute. His preference for Chinese looks, sometimes Chinese girls and in my case - me. Its funny to be reminded that sometimes I caught him staring at me. He was weird. So weird that I distance myself from him. 4 years later, he's one of my closest friends. He's still weird but he cleaned up good. Got a great girlfriend too.

Bukan Diriku - Samsons
17 was crucial as I'm in my last year of school and unlike everybody else, my list of boys in my social networking is almost nil. Its expected that I will have no date for prom (as if Im allowed to go). He was a reality TV contestant with voice that melt hearts. I was a stalker then and was crushed when he got himself a 14 y-o girlfriend. Got to know him after school ended and boy was I glad I didn't get myself attached and lost to him. Yerp, lost as in you know. Pervert! 3 years later, he's one of my cousin's close friends. Ironic aint it? I still choose not to be in contact with him.

Officially Missing You - Tamia
Tall, thin, turquoise. That was my first impression. We both just finished SPM and school, its on a holiday trip when I met him. Not the first time though, we've met before but at 12 what's there to feel about? He was cute, but we didn;t instantly connect. It kinda take time. Maybe its meant for us to be platonic. After all, his parents have keen eyes for another. 3 years later, we are still great friends. He's the guy I wouldn't mind going out just the 2 of us. We go on movie dates occasionally, strictly platonic. I think its crossing over to the family line.

Love Today - Grace Kelly
Sometime later during working at PDI after school before uni, I was 18. This one I didnt notice happening. He was a friend! We usually go out by group which included his bestfriend the Sweet Sixteen guy. I didn't know by answering his calls every night means I might be interested in him too. Excuse me, let me rephrase that. I didn't know he was interested! We had a bit of cold shoulder for a while. But it got sorted by time. 2 years later, we're still friends. We still go out in groups together. We are still the ones who are single within the group. Nope, dating him never cross my mind. He's a friend! Have always seen him as nothing more than a friend.

Sayang Sayang - Alif Aziz
First semester in college! End of 2007, that would make me 18. Just turned 18. He was the guy I first noticed during registration (I thought he's gay but that's just me trying to not like him). He is good looking, the definition of tall, dark and handsome. Course of events lead us into the same group during orientation, classmates, same group of friends. Was really close to him that people around us thought we were dating. BUT he's taken since they both were 16. i did liked him. 2 years later, Im still here trying to finish of uni. He's barely there. Turns out he's not my type of guy anyways.

All Apologies - Nirvana
I was 19. Just hit the legal age. The start of it was the start of a lot of things. For one, it was the first time I pull an all-nighter. Sneaked out from dorm, late night movie and lepak until the gate opens the next morning. Liking him, I learned to accept a person pass the physical appearance. I liked him for who he was. I learned about accepting a person despite his ugly side and his past. And best of all I learned that I do have the ability to withhold my attention for solid 6 months. Well, I tried a few time but I always revert. I thought I have short attention span. He's definitely my type but its written we'll not share a path. Im glad I got to know him, you're a great friend. Because I remember your date clearly - 1 year 10 months and 15 days later, he's dating the best girl a guy could have. Take care of this one, she's the one God have been saving for you. Treat her right. I mean it!

Kau - Ello
This guy was just in the passing. I didn't know him well but I can feel him giving his attention to me. The second time we met was at a bazaar, we were helping our friends. When we went to lunch together, he offered his hand when we cross the streets, I pretended not to see it because I was too stunned to react. Then during lunch he carried food for me, offered to feed me some of his. He sent me home that night (I know! Not safe - 2nd time I met him). I did have a thing for a while but Im not sure about guys who treats all girls the same. Maybe he's a gentleman or maybe he's just too friendly with everyone. 1 year and 6 months later, we only contact through Facebook. Sad, I know. Well we were not from the same group of friends to begin with. I can't just barge in and hang out with them.

(Im sorry I dont think I have a song for you)
He's younger and eager and a big flirt. Will shamelessly talk about his marriage to me. God! Such a vain. Im not at all sure if he really likes me. See that's the thing about sweet talkers, you just don' know if he's fooling around or if he really is interested. I try not to care about this one because I seriously hate marriage talk. Face it, please have stability first to talk about marriage with a girl. Any girl. This boy is now studying in another state, he contacts me sometimes asking me out. I'll try not to think about that too. He needs to get into the friend zone first.

Creep - Radiohead
Hello cutie! You are definitely the definition of cute. Through you I learned that cute boys is just a preety face. You're empty for me to hold a conversation with. I like having you around though, you are fun to be with. Now that I know you better I realised that I never really like you. I like you because you're cute. Hahaha I miss hanging out with you. Its hard to see you around now that you've graduated. Stick friends koginavaan! (Kenapa tiba-tiba pakai kata ganti diri kedua? Salah format dah ni!)

Untitled - Maliq & D'Essentials
Uh oh. He's a sweet talker. Older, mature. Respected, well-known. Not available. Friends among friends. The one who got away? Did I mention he's taken? Sigh. I choose not to elaborate but he is the exact reason I should never get involve with a sweet talker. Its hard not to fall even though your conscience is telling no. Hmm, he's away now. In a different country, moving ahead with life =)

Scars - Papa Roach
Im sure you know who you are. And Im sure everyone around me can at least get the second guess correct. I wouldn't write much as you are paranoid of people talking bad about you. Not that I'm going to. And there's a whole post label for you anyways. There's even another blog. I don't mind ever getting to know you. I just regretted not getting to know you enough before. Oh well, past is past right? Lets look forward. Have a nice life! =)

Save Me - Remy Zero
He's another cutiepie who have always been there. I didn't paid much attention to him until we suddenly got closer. Oh wait I think I'll just point out things bout him. Not much thing to say. He's just a minor crush. Couldn't get pass that as he had dated 3 of my friends and currently dating another friend. He's a great help though. And a friend for all. I think he would make a better friend than a boyfriend.

Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh! The definition of ended before it started. Please refer to posts about Z and matters related to getting dumped, dooped, fooled, gamed, played. I don't know what happen to him. I stopped any contact altogether. May you have a future with the girl you are having a relationship despite I-don't-believe-in-relationships-because-it-will-lead-to-a-break-up. You know, you shouldn't have called me just to play your guitar and sing for me. Of course I think its a serenade!

Witwicky, I dont have a song for you yet. And Im not exactly sure if its going on or moving on. Me and my heart, we got issues. Hahahaha.

Footnote: Song titles may reflect the person's favourite song OR the song I relate to the person OR the song I dedicate to them OR the song that represent the situation. Confusing isn't it?

Maybe you don't read my blog, maybe you do, or maybe - just maybe, someone will pass the news to you. I hereby accept the challenge. I will get coverage on my programme. I will. I'll prove it to you. Where there is will, there is way. Thank you for setting the bar for me, its a stepping stone for myself. Sincerely. If i came through with this, its you I am thankful to. Who knows maybe I'll get a colourful recommendation letter from you? =)

Its scary somehow when I told people I like him, they are okay with it. They're glad. Yeah it is a usual respond. You tell your friends you like a person, they'll support you. Well my friends, if I tell them I like someone they'll give me the dirt on that person. And they are frank about it too.

With Witwicky, its the same. I got all the dirt I need (and some I didn't need or want) AND I got blessings. Pelik kan? That is the weirdest part! My kakak-kakak bertiga was WHOA! They really want me to go all out. Suruh try eventhough he is already dating (tapi status single), saying words like its not impossible. The only person who said NO was my Abah. He said something about vanity. Character judgement through pictures. Mama said he's good looking.

HE IS! That's the whole deal. It surprises me that the girls lingering around him wanting some attention are EVERY GIRL! And he's the kind who sweet talks. My most hated traits in a guy. But I always fall for them. Oh and one of the girls who flirts with him publicly on his FB is a classmate of mine. She rarely opens her mouth in class! Diam-diam ubi berisi!

Ingatkan kali ni tersuka orang low profile, case pun akan jadi low profile juga. I estimated wrongly! I forgot the fact that he is plastered with good looks on his face. Of course there'll be fans tailing him. Therefore, lets just let our hopes die. Too small of a circa.

Kak G told me she was in my position once. But look where she is now? Married with 2 kids. With the guy that she wanted. Alaaaaaaa bagi harapan lah cerita macam ni!

Dah. Taknak fikir. Nak pi buat degree dulu.

Miss Ad, if only liking all I want is easy. And if the world is mine, you know who I would go for first. JOHNNY DEPP!

1. I've been procrastinating too damn much. Too much work. Too many things too catch up.
2. Been skipping too many classes. Why? Overslept. Therefore, i missed out on things Im supposed to be studying.
3. Economics = numbers. Its hard for me because my mindset says that numbers are hard. Shit!
4. Audio Video Prod, I can't kike this subject because of the lecturer!
5. Website building for Puan Gina..sigggggggghhhh!
6. Corporate Communication, sigh.
7. Research Methodology, OMG!
8. Financially sinking but I dont want to ask money from my parents.
9. Relationshits.
10. MUET and final exam next month.
11. Coming up with a dummy for that proposal journal.
    
12. Cold shoulders.
13. Uncontrolable annoyance.
14. Unwise time and task managements.
15. Big ass sloth in me.
16. The inability to be productive collectively.
17. I think Im drowning, if it were me alone I think I'll live. But Im afraid its not just me.
18. I dont know if Im dragging them down with me or they are sinking me. Pfffttt!
19. Unobtainable shot term goal -> Witwicky.
20. Distressing long term goal -> Flying off for degree
    

Kan dah cakap, orang rupa macam dia memang almost always attached. Was warned earlier that he is linked to someone, not in a relationship but not available nonetheless. So how come every time, this time included, its among friends again?

Awal-awal kalau boleh taknak any relationship dalam uni. Sebab its hard. Circle of friends terlalu sempit. Dahlah Im not into people yang dah attached. Kali ni boleh kan pulak attached to a girl who is my friend! Okay, so she is not anybody close, but she's a friend.

I respect friendships. I think its stupid to quarrel over a guy. Tapi Im just simply annoyed this have to happen again. Again!

Arghhh!!! It haven't even started. Mungkin betullah, kamu terlalu hotstuff untuk saya. Toldya!

Amek kau title! These are the highlights.

1. Jejaka-jejaka hensem ni panjat tempat yang I pun tak berani nak naik sebab gayat semata-mata nak gantung tanglung dan decorate stage.
2. Our Raya decoration with Chinese theme celebrated near Deepavali.
3. Classmates yang rajin pulak datang, thanks korang! <3
4. My best girls. <3333
5. Dean's List nyer session tak teratur and Im really disappointed tak dapat tengok slideshow Puan Gina.
6. Lecturers bikin havoc secara senyap-senyap ehe ;)
7. Kepuasan bergambar dan ambil gambar =]
8. Sesi class photos "I dont care who you care, where you're from, don't care what you did, as long as you love me!" TERBAEK!
9. Joget lambak!
10. Event yang memadai lah. Thanks for coming korang! Tanpa kedatangan anda semua, siapalah kami dan apalah yang terjadi.
11. Witwicky!

Nah teaser sikit untuk gadis-gadis. Lecturers saya included, aha!

Kawan-kawan cakap dia single, lecturer cakap dia baru je tak available.
Kawan-kawan cakap jangan mengharap, nanti hati sakit.
Seorang yang terlebih supportive pula cakap, kalau berani pergilah try.

Selalu jadi macam ni! Kalau dah tersuka, dia tak suka. Dia dah ada steady girlfriend. Dia dah nak kahwin. Dia dah kahwin. Aih! Mana tak malas kalau asyik jadi macam tu.

Anyway! Raya tak habis-habis jugak lagi rupanya. Nonstop okay! Isnin open invitation kat Unisel which was terlalu happening sampai tak makan sebab ramai sangat orang jadi malas nak beratur.

Selasa kat rumah Erin & Ain, Timah memeriahkan suasana dengan dress masing-masing. Rare tak open house raya orang lain pakai kebaya, kami serumah pakai dress. Lepastu ambik gambar kat balkoni 14 orang. Nasib baik tak roboh. Kejutan di situ adalah housemates Erin terdiri daripada orang-orang yang tak disangka seperti bekas-bekas madu sesetengah Timah. Haha!

Malam ni invitation to Resak pulak. I only have 2 friends there, and those who know me well should expect a certain way of answer from me. Oh yeah, Im not going. Thanks for the invitation though.

Esok setakat ni tiada khabar berita open house lagi. (Updated: Invitation to Kiwie's at Keramat. Taktau lagi pergi ke tak. Timah belum berbincang.) Tapi Jumaat ada raya gathering fakulti Komunikasi & Media. Nak pakai baju cantik-cantik. Manalah tahu kan? Hahahaha.

Sabtu kenduri di Kuantan! Makan dan makan lagi!

Bagus kan anak bertuah ni? Well mama, your ayam berlada serai sangat sedap dan pedas tu yang TERjatuh pinggan tu. I hope I managed to throw away all the broken pieces. Tak pasal je nanti orang terpijak pastu kene marah.

Im currently uploading photos from the open houses I went this past 2 weekends and also from the events our faculty have been having. Since internet is too slow to surf and page hop, I decided to blog. Nope, not going to blog about the pleasurable people who opened their doors and serve us great food, or the people I share those dining experience with, or even about the feast of food. Penat lah cerita makan. Hari-hari buat. Tapi hujung minggu extra effort untuk makan. Haha!

Take Kak Nana's open house just now, they served kambing golek, nasi kerabu, laksa pahang and laksa penang, keropok lekor goreng. Each of it was really good! Memang tak keluar rumah asyik dok makan je lah. Plus, its among family. The people who can compete, and compliment your eating behaviour. Terbaik! Esok to Mak Lang and Mummy Kim's house in Kajang pulak. Fuh! Tengok, there I go blabbing about food jugak akhirnya.

Went to watch Papadom midnight show last night at Pavi. With Abang E, Hani, and the Syisters (Ya, Syaniz, Pinat). Lepak with them was fun and the movie was funny and scary at the same time. Think Abah stalking me. Or your dad stalking you. Haaaaaaaaa! Que Abang Ayis and Arwen. More like Kak Lisha and Arwen kot? Hehehe

Next point! Eheemmmmm Yours Truly took her MUET speaking exam last Wednesday, and by Thursday morning it seems like other people around her have gotten her result before her. Sungguh tak best! Its literally stale news when I finally got it. Habis bragging rights kena hijack. Dahlah I have to pretend to come to the Language Faculty to sign up for MUET seminar to get that news. Anyways, Band6. Wuhuhuhuhuw!!! Untuk siapa yang tak faham scheme pemarkahan MUET its the highest rank. Equivalent to A+. Maaf lah saya excited post kat sini. Orang jarang dapat pencapain kan? Kat skolah dulu nak cecah A pun menetes, apatah lagi A+. Sila gembira bersama saya.

Speaking of being happy... Hehe. Mode gedik dah sampai. On the contrary of the last post, I think I found someone who makes me feel giddy again. Tapi takdelah nervous excited feeling. Belum sampai tahap tu lagi. Because I still can act cool and talk to him. I have this speechless, mouth-locked-shut syndrom with the people I have crush on. Him, not yet. Hehehehe he's someone who have always been there but I didn't give the option to look at twice. At that time he was dating someone. I met him the first time during one of the event my faculty held. He joined a group photo. I didn't know who he was but I remembered he's good looking, with sweet approachable face. That was few months back.

Last week, I joined his class's presentationand I managed to see him in action. Boy was I surprised! He was very composed during presentation. Speaks English well, good diction, it was a pleasurable surprise. Im a sucker for guys who speaks good English. And I thought he was just another pretty face. Oleh itu did a little digging and found out he use to be very well known back in school. A teacher's pet, school's heartthrob, someone with a title, total major lock-down in everyone's good list. Takleh bagi specific details. Mati aku, I dont know who's reading and anything can be a point for them to use against me. Hehehehe.

Anyhow, saya dengan ini berharap kawan-kawan tidak kantoi kan saya lah hendaknya. Sekian terima kasih =)

I heard you are leaving, I didn't like it. Not one bit, not at all.
I know you are leaving, but I didn't expect it to be this soon.
I was never anything to you but you were always something to me.
That's why its hard, that's why something in me snap shut.
And that's why I actually cried.

I want you to go, because its always how I knew you.
Someone who is in motion, never in one position.
But a big part of me don't want you to.
Because it will mean you are nearer.
Eventhough you're in another state, at least you are here.

I can't bring myself to call you,
I can't feel myself making effort for you,
because you're not mine.
But I miss you.

I miss you.

Awak,
Saya harap awak jaga diri kat tempat orang. Lagi-lagi dunia tengah banyak bencana. Awak makin jauh, jadi rindu saya dipanjangkan. Terima kasih selama mana awak di sini. Saya doa untuk keselamatan awak. Dan juga segala yang baik. You're the worst break up I ever had. But its funny though, because we never had anything.

I can't lose something I never had, so tell me..why do I feel like Im losing you? Entahlah kan? Biarlah. Yang pasti, saya doakan awak selamat ke sana, di sana dan paling penting. Selamat Kembali.

I watched '500 days of Summer' the other night with Arie and Timah girls. I love it, and hate it at the same time. Its a harsh reality check. Its annoying to know that those type of girls exist. And I live amongst them. Hey, Im a girl too right?

Those girls are the pretty ones, not hot but not plain Jane either. She's in between. Attractive and approachable. And the best things about Those Girls are they know they can get them boys, they can choose anyone they like and they ALWAYS play the field. In short, those girls are the kind who 'like them, and leave them'.

I hate Those Girls!

1. For being pretty and knowing they are good looking enough for many boys.
2. They have MANY boys to choose from.
3. Those boys are usually kind. Too kind that they don't know they'll end up getting played.
4. Those girls are users.
5. They don't know what they want, therefore they give hopes to many guys.
6. They kept doing it again and again.
7. Despite it all Those Girls are kind and nice. That's why boys don't realise that they actually are being gamed.
8. And that my friends, are the reason I dont want to be the matchmaker!

Okay lah I malas. Tapi Zooey Deschanel memang fit the character sangat. Pretty, cute, alluring, attractive, approacable, deceitful, her face spells false hope. I like her. I just don't like Summer. Kesian kot all those guys. Berkawan dan dating is 2 different meanings. Get it right, stop playing games. You know I tell this because I love you.

15 days marks 1 whole year. And I feel missed. I miss the longing to see that special person, I miss having someone of my own. Especially now that everyone is pairing up. I feel like a pest everytime. When Ya and Ayaq go on dates, I tag along. Im the third wheel. When Ya and Ayaq, Eikha and Reza go out, I tag along, Im the 5th wheel. Im such a pest! Need a wheel of my own.

I do have friends who are single around me, but they have people around them. Some goes out with different guys all the time. Some on occasion, but still!! They're dating. And Im not.

Ishk cepatlah special someone tu sampai. Susah sebab its not a boyfriend that I'm looking for. Its someone to grow old with, to share an inside joke, to have meaningful conversations, to share life with.

What does the 3 of us have in common?

• We all are studying in SA - Shah Alam and South Africa.
• We grew up together.
• We are cousins.

As much as Imran loves to rub it in my face that Ya and I are inseparable, he knows deep down he wants to study near us too. We don't get to see each other much. Maybe twice a year if we're lucky. This time around Imran got his driving license already which makes it so much easier for us to get together. Back to back hangout session was the bomb. Castle on one night and Pavi on the other.

Tengok betapa nikmatnya when he got to eat what he chooses after contemplating for 30 minutes where to have his lunch.

Okay these photos were taken at each red stop. Hehehehehe bila lagi kan?

Sorry dude, buncit is one thing, me looking kurus is a whole another issue!

Since dah lepak a few times in last week makes me miss him pulak. Its okay, thank god you have facebook now! Comeback soon! March we'll go midnight movie, karaoke, more lepak and other stuff we didn't manage to do. Oh! Kita bole pergi tengok Jiul perform! InsyaAllah. Take care there, have fun World Cup 2010. Manalah tau kot-kot I sampai sana kan!

* * * * * * * * * *

And this, was a week after raya. Entah lah kenapa semua semangat-ed keluar ramai-ramai. Padahal nak pergi tukar contact lens sara je. It was great fun though. Jarang dapat kumpul sekali these faces outside the house. Sure we are classmates who live in the same house, but we rarely dapat keluar sama-sama outside of Shah Alam. Sure ada je yang tertinggal. To this day, Phia, Sara, Yana and I still tak pernah keluar berempat. Sekali je 100108, first and last.