the waste of space 02:14:00
Aku tulis, aku padam.
Publish, kemudian edit dan save as draft.
Aku klik new post, penuhkan dengan penulisan,
Dan bagi semua yang telah dan sedang terjadi
dalam pengetahuan, tanpa pengetahuan,
aku hadapkan dengan senyuman.
Walau terkadang tanpa keikhlasan.
kerana Kau ada.
its not that I don't love you anymore. But I don't think I can share too much here now. I've said earlier, I don't know who is reading me right? And chances are they will speculate what I wrote into something else. We've been through all that, and we still have to go through it now. Kita penat kan?
Orang keliling kita tak penat. Kalau macam ni kan, I might as well be hot, famous or brilliant. Baru betul-betul ada sebab untuk diperkatakan.
Mungkin silap pilih kawan, mungkin silap mahu berkawan.
Tak berkawan pun nanti salah. Tak mahu berkawan, lagi lah salah.
Kita senyumkan sahaja.
Biar apa orang buat kat kita, jangan kita yang buat orang.
Abah dengan Mama ajar jadi ikhlas kan?
And I believe in karma. Remember to be good, always.
I takkan marah, sebab dah tak reti dah nak rasa perasaan itu.
Dah lali. Terlalu banyak kali.
Tapi beringat sendiri lah, kalau boleh jadi kat I, tentu boleh jadi kat mereka juga kan?
Oh. Last.. cemana agaknya boleh tak terfikir yang apa-apa cerita akan sampai kat I semula? Selalunya tak ambil masa lama pun. Hmmm..
I never regret the friends I made. They taught me that not everyone is good.
I never regret the posts I wrote, pictures I posted.
I never regret having you. You remind me of who I am.
We'll talk soon Serendipity. All my love for you.
Notice tak? I write in Malay bila overdose of emotions. Full English bila marah, and mix of both language when Im just me.
Ni tak tahu lah bahasa apa nak tulis kan?
So anyway this is the pictures from last Sunday. Rock for the Cure at Hard Rock Penang. Very intimate showcase sebab tak ramai datang. Tapi best! Dead Mushroom should have gotten more credit. They're good!
Lefthanded sans Nash was great too. I dont know who was the guy that replaced him, but I had a great time singing along in the crowd. Next to Rashidi Ishak at that! And Man Kidal, ada sebab kenapa orang pandang dia legendary kan?
Faizal Tahir obviously was the bomb! He was a singing superhero! Banyak jugak lagu dia perform. Sayangnya he didn't spare some time to take photographs. Was told that he got a backache. Impressive jugak boleh rock out even with a backache.
Nah. Eat your heart out.
Ni bassist Dead Mushroom. I have this thing about lanky bassist kan?
Fun time ended with a recreation session at the beach. The boys went in for a swim, the girls fly the kite, and I sat at the beach,, reading a book, enjoying the breeze. I need to do that again.
Stressful week people! Report writing, back ache, oily hair, have not been feeding my belaan with good food, and yes...I'm still lost.
I haven't decide if I should go back to KL in between exam for my convocation. I was not granted permission to go to Hatyai next weekend. Or to travel to any other country on my own. I have not been sleeping well.
To top it all, my credit transfer is still giving me problems. 2 weeks away from final semester at that! I am a FLOATING student. I do not have a major, padahal Im majoring in Persuasive Communication. I do not have a minor, padahal I've decided on Philosophy. And my Mass Comm unit transfer tak lepas. Instead they gave me exemption for Komunikasi dan Budaya. Great!
Thank you very much you lousy piece of paper. Now I need to go back to my assignments. More words. Crap!
I am one who doesn't like to be compound in a space. I believe in experience learning. I want to travel. I need to travel. I want a view from another place, another perspective. New people, new culture, new ways. Its frustrating that I still cant do that. Too young, too broke, too dangerous, too protected. When will I learn then? When?
Let the bird out of the nest, or else it can never fly.
Dulu aku beri segala bila berkawan, tapi tak terima kembali keikhlasan.
Boleh kira sebelah tangan.
Sekarang aku dikelilingi orang yang baik-baik belaka.
Yang baru kenal aku tak sampai separuh tahun, tapi faham bila aku bukan aku.
Aku tak datang bercerita, tapi mereka hulurkan bahu, tadahkan telinga.
Mereka yang tegur, sapa bertanya.
Tapi maaf, aku tak mampu.
Aku cuba jadi aku yang boleh berkawan dengan siapa pun.
Malangnya aku terkesan dengan perihal dulu.
Belum boleh lagi aku beri sepenuh percaya.
Dan bagi setiap kamu yang mengaku sialnya engkau, jahatnya engkau, buruknya engkau.
Noda kita sama.
Bila adanya cela dalam diri, maka itu hubung kita dengan buruk sangka.
Biar yang lain tak mahu rapat dengan kalian.
Sebab kamu, kamu, faham rasa yang sama.
We tend not to hurt others knowing how much it have hurt us.
Aku tak suka bila ada assignment yang ternyata banyak berhelai-helai perlu dihantar, tapi aku tunggu hari terakhir nak buat.
Aku tak suka bila terlalu banyak online dan mengadap laptop akan sakit belakang belah kiri dan takde orang boleh tolong urut sebab semuanya tak jumpa area mana.
Aku tak suka bila time relax seperti sedang mandi atau macam tadi, baca buku di pantai, I have this urge to start doing my assignments. Tapi bila masuk bilik...
Automatik! Aku bermalasan. Aku tak suka!!
Aku tak suka duduk di USM tanpa tahu siapa kawan2 aku sebenarnya.
Aku tak suka ganggu roommate tidur, tapi aku perlu lampu dipasang tengah2 malam sebab aku baru terkial-kial buat assignments.
Aku tak suka aku jadi senyap dan reserve, sebab itu bukan aku. Aku jenis opinionated dan tak segan nak keluarkan pendapat. Tapi di sini aku lagi banyak diamkan diri sebab aku rasa pendapat aku tak diperlukan.
Aku tak suka bila ada orang yang berjaya wujudkan rasa dalam hati. Sebab selalunya nothing happen. Aku jarang sekali benarkan anything happen. Not the time yet.
Dan paling aku tak suka, rasa kosong. Absence of the feelings buat aku rasa kosong.
Lagi-lagi selepas terwujudnya perasaan.
Aku tak suka rasa tu. Jadi lagi baik never to feel anything kan?
Aku tak suka malam2 seperti ini. Bilamana aku sunyi dan aku rasa aku sendiri.
Penulisan ini pun bukan aku.
Aku benci nak cari diri yang mudah untuk orang kenali.
Aku nak jadi aku yang sendiri.
Aku suka tempat ini.
Tapi aku harap aku tak lama di sini.
Penat untuk cuba cari keadaan yang selesa.
Penat sentiasa ada dalam situasi tak menentu.
Aku suka kalau aku mampu hidup sendiri.
Jadi kera sumbang. Tak menumpang persahabatan orang.
Nyatanya aku tiada upaya.
Tak berkawan, itu bukan aku.
Aku makin hilang diri di sini.
Aku paling tak suka itu yang satu.
Macam biasalah.. Bila kerja banyak, memang takkan buat. Mesti distracted dengan benda lain. I am a procrastinator, and I have not find ways to disseminate that from myself.
Okay so, my 13++ list seems to come early this time. I want to list down my guilty pleasure. Secretly we all have one. Definition of it may vary. Some say its something one enjoys and considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it.
Ahad, 17 Oktober, Taman Tasik Titiwangsa - mencari Asmara
Tahu tentang Arjuna?
No. Bukan TV show Remy tu. Tapi Remy memang sangat Arjuna. Hehehe.
I have this theory that Arjuna is the nearest to the 'perfect' spouse. And when I have a spouse, I shall refer to him as Arjuna.
Arjuna is actually a character in the Hindu epic Mahabharata. He was one of the Pandava heroes who is skillful in archery. That's why often Arjuna is referred to as the Cupid in the language of love. Alah you've heard the phrase 'dipanah Arjuna or panahan Arjuna' dan tolong jangan tanya Cupid tu yang mana. Sila refresh memory dan ingat a cute, half naked, little guy with wings, curly haired (usually blonde) and always holding a bow and archer.
No one actually knows why I started this interest for the idea of Arjuna. Sebenarnya it began after I watched Lan (of Azlan & The Typewriter) performed the song Arjuna (originally Dewa's) at IB for Muzikal Antara. Haaa panjang kan? Powerful voice singing a great song with catchy lyrics. I was hooked. Here's the video, tapi the euphoric sensation tak sama lah. I tengok live.
The chorus goes like this:
Akulah Arjuna, yang mencari cinta
Wahai wanita, cintailah aku
Dan repeat. Itu je yang diulang pun.
Akan tetapi! My Arjuna is a little different. I mencari Arjuna yang mencari cinta untuk Dia. By Dia, I meant Allah. Sebab jodoh ada 3:
Jodoh dari Syaitan,
Jodoh dari Jin
Jodoh dari Allah.
I nak jodoh yang ditentukan Allah. Dan kerana cinta dia pada Allah, maka InsyaAllah kami ditemukan. Pinjam quote. "Cinta di dalam jalan Allah.. Bertemu kerana sama-sama mencari redha Allah.."
Dan yang paling penting, terpelihara. I strongly believe that I'll be protected from things I do not want because niat utama dah betul. Biarkan cintanya untuk Dia, sebab dari situ cinta itu akan sampai kepada aku.
P/s: Salahkan speaking test for English course yang bertopik early marriage. I am pro early marriage! Que Maher Zain's For the Rest of My Life as background music.
Ya Allah please let me leave.
Please tune my path to the plan I had for 2011.
Please let me have a breather.
Benarkan aku jauh dari perkara sama.
Lepaskan aku untuk kenal jenis manusia yang lain pula.
Jejakkan kaki aku ke tanah yang lain isinya.
Sesuaikan aku dengan suhu yang di sini tiada.
Jarakkan aku dari sebarang angkara.
Rindukan aku dengan Malaysia.
Panjangkan niat kami sekeluarga.
Hantarkan aku ke sana.
My ever so thoughtful and
sometimes always pretty cousin, Kak Freda, shared this with me. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I went all gooey. Padahal baru buang that side of me, konon2 nak tunjuk keras. I want to share this with you people too. Disney Princesses, they can never go wrong. At any age.
- Why was Snow White given a poisoned apple?
- - to show us that not everyone is gonna be kind and not everyone is really who they say they are.
- Why did Cinderella run away at midnight?
- - to remind us that everything does have its limitations, even dreams.
- Why did Ariel exchange her fins for feet?
- - to show us that people are willing to give up anything to be with who they love & to just be happy.
- Why did Aurora sleep for 100 years?
- - to tell us that you might have to wait for quite some time for your true love to come along, sometimes very long, but it’s worth it.
- Why did Princess Jasmine fall for Aladdin?
- - to let us know that what the heart wants, it wants it. No matter what.
- Why was Belle in love with a Beast?
- - to remind us that you can’t really help what’s on the outside, but if the inside is beautiful, then nothing will stand in the way of your love.
Boleh ke ha kalau nak mintak maaf indirectly pada perkara yang indirect juga?
I'm sorry I get hurt over things that aren't meant for me.
I'm sorry I'm still looking for something to turn off that switch you turned on.
I'm sorry I assume to know you when clearly I don't.
I'm sorry we're just acquaintance, not friends.
I tutup cerita you di sini.
I taknak buka lagi.
I want to be able to be me. To feel comfortable around people.
I am comfortable around you, I want you to be able to do that too.
When a decision has to be made, people argue if we should decide with our head or our heart.
I'm deciding with my head for my heart.
And my decision was made by my heart for my head.
This have only been 3 months. Exactly 3 months.
I can go on longer but its just unhealthy.
I knew you spelled trouble the moment I saw you.
But that's just me. I'm attracted to trouble.
If I can relive 15th July and not see you in the crowd, I would.
If I can change my step on 16th August or withdraw myself, I would.
If I can avoid your gesture on 18th August, I would.
If I can escape 20th August, I would.
If I can experience again 28th August, I'll decline.
If I can control 19th September, I'll evade everything.
I'll block all the little things I assumed signs.
I'll elude every conversation about you, with you.
I promise. This page shall be the last about you.
Dulu masa zaman sekolah I suka gilaaaaaa butterfly. Semua benda nak ada butterfly. My collection of accesories are all butterflies. Kalau nampak je anything yang kena-mengena butterfly, terus beli!
Then lama-lama dah makin kurang. Sebab its an insect. Bila nak jawab favourite animal agak leceh. Favourite animal siap ada category okay? Haiwan darat: zirafah dan panda. Haiwan air: Dolphins. Haiwan dua alam: Penguins.
I love giraffes because I like things lanky. Tall and thin, sangat sexy. Macam prominent. They're so appealing!
And these 2 animals, I love them because they're like me, tubby. Adorable sangat. Rasa nak peluk! And of course, oh-so-cute! I'm not saying I'm adorable and cute. I'm saying I'm tubby. But you can say I'm adorable and cute. I know its true ;)
Tengok ni! Tak geram ke???? My baby, I'll dress him or her in that costume jugak nanti. Just because. Supaya cute appeal makin tinggi!
Then jumpa ni pulak kan. So cute!!!!
Totally nonsense post. Sebab I dalam mode korek archive tumblr for all things cute.
What's your animal?
I choose to withdraw. I choose to ignore. Assalamualaikum.
How do you count 100 in Japanese-English?
Ten ten ten ten ten ten ten ten ten ten.
Surely you've watched the video. If you haven't, search it on Youtube!
You do realised its 10/10/10 right? Wouldn't miss finding a reason to blog about it! I tengah sangat rajin blog kan sekarang? Ada musim. Ni musim tak serabut aktiviti, tapi serabut otak. Jadi akan ada je benda nak ditulis. Its my theraphy. I just realised I'm not crazy busy like the rest because I did not take Theory & Research subject. Thank God! Everyone have been telling me how hard it is. They got a really strict lecturer, while I got credit transfer. I got it easy.
What did I do on 10/10/10?
Woke up at noon because the fire alarm rang. Read Sophie's World sekadar yang mampu sebab its quiet heavy. Sleep. Awaken by the fire alarm again. Pissed off, went to take a shower. Fire alarm rang again. Went online. Go directly to CG's FB page. Made a report about the alarm that kept blaring now and then, to a point nobody cared to run EVEN IF THERE IS FIRE! Got dressed. Went to NCR ice cream gathering at McD. Had dinner there. Went back to CG for Maghrib. Left for AIESEC GT3. Had fun. Raised hand for MyLDS committee election. Restrain need to pee because the room is too cold. Rushed back to CG to pee. And here I am on Serendipity.
Pretty boring. Zu's is simply depressing. Because her hearthrob, Aqasha got married today. He's an actor btw. Malaysian astronaut got married today too. Mungkin ramai lagi. Orang kan semua nak pilih nice dates. Padahal nice dates tak menjanjikan nice marriage. Takpelah. Mereka yang kahwin. Aku melebih-lebih sebab takleh kahwin lagi.
Now what did I do on 09/09/09?
(Clicking and scrolling past posts)
Can't find anything. But pretty sure I was still in Timah then.
I don't even want to recall 08/08/08.
Good date, was a great night, worst decision in my life.
Zaman sekolah. Lalu terus membuka Friendster because FB wasn't the IT thing back then.
Zomg! Gambar2 daku muda remaja dan comel belaka. Ahahahhahaaha!
Gooooossshhh! Tu masa time rambut baru straighten! Middle of the year. SPM year. Time kena ban tengok wayang and online. Specific itinerary tak dapat dikenal pasti. This will do.
Hey! I'am writing like me again. No more of his presence through my writing.
Its a new day and you've fade away.
I hope the universe will stop the play.
Its a new dawn, its a new day, and I'm feeling good!
the wishes of wellness and sometimes condolences 22:07:00
What I did was simple. I offered to pick up her Maher Zain's concert tickets in KL because she had no means to do so. Abah was going to pick up ours the next day, so why not? See what you get when you do good things to others? You get fast friends.
Had she stayed in Philosophy class, she would have been a friend long before. Tapi takpe. Maher Zain telah menyatukan kami. Hehehehehe. Dahlah handsome, suara sedap, pandai nyanyi, minggu depan jumpa kami. True story!
I didn't expect her to return the favour or anything. But today she invited me for a Japanese buffet dinner. Awesome-ness! Pasni sesapa nak buat baik, ajaklah I gi makan. I tak kisah kat mana. I like to eat and will really appreciate it.
Now, enjoy the pictures of what I had. I dah tolong rasa, kunyah dan telan.
My first round: Sashimi and sushi
Hello! my numbered list is back! Today it will all be all things sweet. Not just the taste, but the thought and the sentiments that brought smiles.
- Are you sweet? Yes I am! For the people I care, I'll express it. For the people I have feelings for, I suppress it.
- The sweetest candy bar: Cadbury's white chocolate 4wend 4eva. Its sooooo sweet that I had to nibble it little by little. But really really nice too. And the whole memory of that snack is sweet as well. Imran brought it back from South Africa for me. And the name of it is cute as hell. 4wends 4eva!
- Sweetest dessert: Can't decide. I'm a sweet tooth, but I have yet to try the macaroons that they say is too sweet.
- Sweetest random moment: Last Wednesday. Mas & I had an impromptu run to Sushi King for Salmon Nishoku.
- Sweetest school memory: Sharing nasi goreng brought from home with the whole class. That wins hands down!
- Sweetest diploma memory: My classmates failure for my 20th birthday surprise.
- Sweetest degree memory: PERKOM's Cahaya Ramadhan. That's how I came to love you people.
- Sweetest advice: "Jaga hati kamu elok-elok. Jangan bagi lelaki sebarangan"
- Sweetest act by a stranger: One time back in BBGS, due to miscommunication, no one came to pick me up from school. I was 7 or 8. I waited for Abah at the bus station until after dark and didn't remember being scared. Because the canteen workers were there accompanying me. I don't remember them. But I remember them being there and me not being scared. Thank you, whoever and where ever you are.
- Sweetest toddler: They don't usually like me, but Damia Qaisara, since her first day at Nuh's Ark have always cling to me. So much that all the other aunties refer me as her mummy.
- Sweetest, by the father: Him bringing back Edward Scissorhand's DVD from Johor for me. I got teary eyed. Credits to you Tantiey.
- Sweetest, by the mother: Dulu masa kecik, bila I balik rumah after I went away for some time, I would expect my parents to give me presents. Tak pernah berlaku pun. But once in a while, at the most unexpected times Mama will bring back stuff that I treasure until now. A crystal butterfly, and books with charm bracelets.
- Sweetest, by the brother: He doesn't have to say anything back. Whenever I talk to him, I know he understands.
- Sweetest phone call: Back in SA after Timah was robbed and I lost my camera, Z called. He played Edwin McCain's I'll Be on his guitar AND SANG for me. That helped.
- Sweetest song: Radiohead's Creep. Classic. Its so sweet in a very twisted way.
- Sweetest gift: My Juna, from Kak Long and Ayah Sham. Terima kasih banyak-banyak.
- Sweetest treasure: My big ass family.
- Sweetest month in my life: June 2010. Too many things to be thankful for.
- Sweetest trick being played on me: You. Right now. By the universe. Its bittersweet.
- Sweetest blog: Ini ditulis by request. Sweet like Candy