This was meant to be a 1 para FB post - after I saw photos and read news of Tunku Jalil's passing. But then feelings flooded in. When youre alone and exhausted, steer away from nostalgia and sadness. Its a black hole.

"When you have experienced great lost, you become vulnerable. I cry watching other people coping with lost. Its like I am reliving mine 😢

I never questioned why I never got the chance to be in attendance when my brother passed, because I know God is giving me the chance to overcome grief.

For He knows there would not be any strenght left in me had I been present. I left him, I said goodbye.

As selfish it may be, I was the one who went away. He didnt leave me.

In loving memories and painful heartache, I miss you Adik."

8.07am, London. 3.07pm, Malaysia. 17 September 2015.

Yes, I am in London. A few days after the passing of my brother. Actually, I was on the plane when he passed. I boarded the plane at 9.50am, 13 September 2015. Adik passed away not too long after that. At 10.30am. It's like he let me go first. He knows I will turn back if I found out.

My parents did not tell me too. I guess they knew too. I would just decide to not continue with this London trip. Something they have wanted for me more than I want for myself. I remember Abah telling me once, "I want so many things for you but I cannot afford it. Look where you are now, so many people are giving you opportunities, things I only imagined for you."

I don't blame them.

To let your daughter leave, and to see your son go. On the same day, at the same time.
It's okay Mama, Abah. One of us will come home to you. And the other will wait for you.

Adik, I had a hard week but when I heard you were rushed to the hospital, my blood drained. I went to see you, I broke down a few times watching you. But never in front of Mama. She was very vulnerable, she lost her uncle the day before. I'm sorry I did not spend the night accompanying you in the emergency ward.

On Saturday, I only managed to come see you after midnight. So selfish of me. I'm sorry. I didn't know that was the last time for us to spend together. It hurt me to leave you Adik. I don't know why but that night when I talked to you, I asked for your forgiveness. For not spending more time with you. For not taking care of you. For leaving you. And I asked you to wait for me to come home to you.

But you will not be there waiting for me like you always do.

How I wish for once last hug and kiss. I'm trying to be strong Adik. I am doing fine because I am grieving alone. Maybe this is Allah's plan for us. For me to remember you being alive the last time I saw you.

Al Fatihah. I hope I will be granted chance to be in heaven with you. Thank you for waiting for Mama and Abah, I've always been thankful you secured their place there, I'll come see you when I am allowed to.

InsyaAllah.

I don't know where to start. I don't know how to explain.
The time it all happened.
Us rushing to the clinic and hospital.
The car ride that felt like the longest.
The long wait at ER.
The first time I get to see him after waiting for hours.
Him in the ICU. Tak tahu.

Adik is currently in ICU at Ampang Hospital. He had seizure 2 nights back. It was sudden. Usually we will just wait for his fits to subside. But that morning it didn't. Instead, it didn't stop. After a few times sawan nonstop (only with few minutes gaps) his temperature escalated. So we went to the clinic and get fever medication for him. But the fits attack still didn't stop.

That car ride was terrible. Roads were clear, we know where we are going. But the distance seems so far away. And Adik's heavy breathing scared us. Abah actually have accepted the fate if he were to go during the journey, in the car, only 4 of us.

Nasib baik we got the medical assistance he needed. They held him for hours at the ER's red zone. Running check ups for him, monitoring him, waiting for his seizure to stop. The medication didn't help at first. Even under medication, half conscious, he's still having fits. 4am to 2pm. 8 hours. Imagine that.

They finally moved him to ICU after that. The first time I get to see him, with wires, tubes and machines surrounding him...I can't hold it. But I know he's under good hands. During the fits, oxygen did not reach his brain. So more brain cells are found to be dead, adding to his already damaged brain. The fluids in his stomach including gastric juice went to his lungs. Suffocating him. His blood pressure went down, very low and at a very dangerous rate.

The ultimatum that the doctors gave was to put tube into him to suck out the fluids from his lungs so he can breath properly again with the risk of the medication given to him to assist the procedure bringing down his blood pressure lower and his whole body shutting down OR let him drown.

Thankfully he survived the procedure and is still fighting. He's machine supported for oxygen, being fed through the tubes, under various medication but we are grateful he's getting the attention he needs. InsyaAllah everything will be okay.

I try not to think of the bad things that might happen. Blocking it out. If any of you know me enough, you'll know I'm an emotional person. I cry watching sad TVCs. But I refuse to be as emotional while facing this. Mama and Abah broke down few times already. I don't want to trigger it. After all, we have so much love, support and generousity of others to doa for Adik. We'll pull through. InsyaAllah.

Thank you for your prayers and sharing our hard time with you. Thank you. We only have appreciation and gratitude to give back. We ask for Allah to return your kindness. Thank You.

Hello! my numbered list is back! Today it will all be all things sweet. Not just the taste, but the thought and the sentiments that brought smiles.

1. Are you sweet? Yes I am! For the people I care, I'll express it. For the people I have feelings for, I suppress it.
2. The sweetest candy bar: Cadbury's white chocolate 4wend 4eva. Its sooooo sweet that I had to nibble it little by little. But really really nice too. And the whole memory of that snack is sweet as well. Imran brought it back from South Africa for me. And the name of it is cute as hell. 4wends 4eva!
3. Sweetest dessert: Can't decide. I'm a sweet tooth, but I have yet to try the macaroons that they say is too sweet.
4. Sweetest random moment: Last Wednesday. Mas & I had an impromptu run to Sushi King for Salmon Nishoku.
5. Sweetest school memory: Sharing nasi goreng brought from home with the whole class. That wins hands down!
6. Sweetest diploma memory: My classmates failure for my 20th birthday surprise.
   
   
   
7. Sweetest degree memory: PERKOM's Cahaya Ramadhan. That's how I came to love you people.
   
   
   
8. Sweetest advice: "Jaga hati kamu elok-elok. Jangan bagi lelaki sebarangan"
9. Sweetest act by a stranger: One time back in BBGS, due to miscommunication, no one came to pick me up from school. I was 7 or 8. I waited for Abah at the bus station until after dark and didn't remember being scared. Because the canteen workers were there accompanying me. I don't remember them. But I remember them being there and me not being scared. Thank you, whoever and where ever you are.
10. Sweetest toddler: They don't usually like me, but Damia Qaisara, since her first day at Nuh's Ark have always cling to me. So much that all the other aunties refer me as her mummy.
    
    
    
11. Sweetest, by the father: Him bringing back Edward Scissorhand's DVD from Johor for me. I got teary eyed. Credits to you Tantiey.
12. Sweetest, by the mother: Dulu masa kecik, bila I balik rumah after I went away for some time, I would expect my parents to give me presents. Tak pernah berlaku pun. But once in a while, at the most unexpected times Mama will bring back stuff that I treasure until now. A crystal butterfly, and books with charm bracelets.
13. Sweetest, by the brother: He doesn't have to say anything back. Whenever I talk to him, I know he understands.
14. Sweetest phone call: Back in SA after Timah was robbed and I lost my camera, Z called. He played Edwin McCain's I'll Be on his guitar AND SANG for me. That helped.
15. Sweetest song: Radiohead's Creep. Classic. Its so sweet in a very twisted way.
16. Sweetest gift: My Juna, from Kak Long and Ayah Sham. Terima kasih banyak-banyak.
17. Sweetest treasure: My big ass family.
    
    
    
    
    
18. Sweetest month in my life: June 2010. Too many things to be thankful for.
19. Sweetest trick being played on me: You. Right now. By the universe. Its bittersweet.
20. Sweetest blog: Ini ditulis by request. Sweet like Candy

SELAMAT HARI RAYA, MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN!
Minta dimaafkan jika selama perkenalan ada silap dan salah saya tersalah laku dan terlanjur kata.
Tiada yang dipinta melainkan kemaafan.
Salam lebaran 1431 untuk semua.

I DAH HOMESICK!!!

Day 9 at USM, Penang. I dah start missing home. I love the place, I'm warming up to the people but the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. Today is the first night without any activity, therefore sorrow succumbs me.

I miss Abah and Mama and listening to Sinar Pagi with them in the car every morning on our way to KL.

I miss being kicked by Adik. I miss his snores at night. I miss his smell.

I miss Feed Me weekends with Abang E, Kak Anum, Abang Ayis, Bobo, Kak Sha, Arwen.

I miss laughing out loud, really loud with Ya, Hani and Syaniz.

I miss going to Kak Long's house and be amongst the noise and little fights of Nurin, Hakim, Iki, Izzat and Nana.

I miss Toto and Neni. I have them in my mind and my heart. And their message in my inbox. Which I'm not reading again because I'll tear up. Again.

I miss hanging out with Lya. We are stupid.

I miss Millie. Sampai sekarang tak dapat spend quality time lagi.

I miss Nana, and her desire for a boob job.

I miss my kakak-kakak, Puan Azian, Miss Ad, Puan Gina.

Believe it or not, I miss UNISEL. The life I had there. The lives I've encountered there.

The good stuff, the bad stuff, the shit that happened. I miss it all.

I'm no longer the big fish in the pond.

I'm no longer surrounded by the ones who love me.

I'm away. I'm far way. I want to be home.

And my playlist is not helping. At all.

I pulak bukan jenis who calls all the time. Tak tahu nak cakap apa. The one dearest to me, yang tu yang paling susah for me to have phone conversations with. Abah, Mama, Toto, Neni, the one I am missing the most. The ones I have nothing to talk about and everything to talk to.

Susah jugak kalau selama ni dah terbiasa hardcore, independent. I don't know how to attend to myself. Siapa yang baca ni..call lah I. Message pun takpe.

* Untuk tatapan umum

The other day dalam tren dengan Ya and Hani, I joked with them kalau my brother Zamil ada facebook account. He will write funny status. Things like:

penatnya baring!

OR

hari-hari dinner bubur. Bosan!

OR

Alamak sorry! Tersepak orang.

OR

Ishk. Air liur taknak stop meleleh.

OR

I have the best kakak in the whole wide world! <3

okaylah, the last one will be me updating his status. Hehehe

I confess I don't want to take the responsibilities for the class this year because I still feel bitter from the last trip. It took me nearly 3 months to befriend everyone from my class again because i've gone off the feeling of wanting to be a part of them.

I confess I think I can't cope this semester. I'm facing challenges in more ways than one. Socially, financially, management, responsibilities.

I confess I think I've given too much feelings away last year. It split 3 ways to R, A, P. And its so bloody hard to even come close to have a double take at a guy.

I confess I felt my heart was broken by R and A. The former for being a stupid mistake for beginning it. The latter for being the one that I can never have.

I confess I nearly cried just now during doa after Subuh prayers. I felt small and ashamed for asking too much, for begging when I don't give as much as I'm asking.

I confess I'm embarrased I haven't don the hijab when I've decided I want to. Even after declaring I'm comfortable covering myself, when I've had practice for 3 months.

I confess I don't spend much time with adik even when I know I should.

I confess I want to be bad (try weed once, randomly go out/roadtrip with a group Im not familiar with) but I know I can't because its not me. Im too much of the logical thinking girl.

I confess I don't know what's my specialty or talent. And I think that can be my setback.

I confess I get anxiety attack every time I think about pursuing my studies. I just don't know if it can happen.

I confess sometimes I feel used by my male friends. They look for me either for girls or studies, in that order.

I confess I get tired some times. For thinking too much about them, but never them for me. Call me stupid, call me compassionate, I tried to think about myself but somehow I'll revert.

I confess Z made me cry when he came to me asking for advice about his love life with 'the girl I use to have something with but we lost contact and found each other again after 3 years'. He was the first one i cried for.

I confess I tried staying by my principle. Never to cry for a man who's not worth it. But last month i cried twice. Once for A who I thought I will never see again, and the other time was because of Z, who I thought was the one.

I confess I don't feel hatred. Not for R, A or Z. Not even for my best friend who betrayed my trust.

I confess I can't be bothered about the feud between my 2 best friends. All I want is for them to just start over. 15 years of friendship smeared by 15 months of hostility. End it now!

I confess I don't think I can live up to expectations. There's too much from too many people.

I confess my head needs a vacation right now.

I confess I get annoyed by remarks on my body. Awak dah makin berisi, you gemuk, breast you besar, badan you atas besar bawah kecik, kenapa you ada crotch macam lelaki, makin sehat, lose weight..you are getting bigger. Hello!! I like food! I love to eat. I don't mind having this body. I got nothing to complain. Im perfectly happy with it. If you don't, do something about yours. Dont make remarks on mine! So what if I don't look like a 2- y-o like it was in your time? So what if I dont look like you were before you got married? Heads up! I dont lose anything, Im still me.

I confess sometimes I just need to go home to get away from the girls.

I confess I don't really like my house in Sungai Buloh. Hated the dirty water, the location of it in the middle of palm plantation, the lack of friends, the distance of my house to the nearest mamak. Sigh.

I confess every time we go out to eat I feel guilty for eating good food without paying money on anything as my cousins will always settle it.

I confess I don't work well in groups. I lack commitments. And I'm bossy.

I confess I hate it when friends sleepover their boyfriends house. I feel as if I'm carrying a part of their sins.

I confess I want to stop cussing. And never start cursing in Malay because it sucks.

I confess I'm vain. Quantitatively too.

I confess I don't feel inferior by hot looking girls. I just have this urge to be better than them in traits rather than looks. But its stupid, people always go for looks anyways.

Zamil is home!! Back to himself. Screaming well and eating very well. Not bleeding anymore thank god.

Its so funny seeing him toothless. 11 were extracted and 9 ditampal. I dont know the English term. So pardon me.

Abah made a funny statement. Adik dah macam True Blood. Takdak gig depan. Ada taring je!
Wahahahahahhaha! And lagi kelakar, I didn't publish this because I was too engrossed watching True Blood.

By the way, total chargers for Adik's medical bill including operation, medicaton and ward placement is...







wait for it....






RM 12. Benefits of OKU and government serving parent.

The operation for Adik's teeth removal went quite well. It was suppose to be done after Subuh but since BOTH of my parents gave his 7.5ml Epilim dosage (each!) earlier that morning, he was stoned, literally. Therefore, they can't put him on anaesthetic because he will be unconscious until the next evening. Not something any of us would want to risk with his condition.

He went into Operation Theater at 1.30pm and came only at 6.30. The operation went well but he wont stop bleeding because he is already 17, his gum wont heal as fast. Furthermore grown adult must put pressure by biting cloth, he can't do that by himself so they can only dab a cloth to absorb the blood.

I went to see him later that night. He was half conscious and drowsy. He was fighting his eyes not go back to sleep. When he heard my voice he started whining, as if he is trying to tell that he is in pain. He was crying too. The anaesthetic must have gone out the system. And Im sure he is hungry too. The last time he ate was at 10 AM.

Im going to see him again later. Hoping for an improvement and speedy recovery. He's a fighter. He will be fine. Wish him well yea?

On Friday I was in Kuantan. Abah, Mama and Adik came back for Adik's final medical check up before his operation on Monday.

Saturday morning, we went back to Kajang for a family gathering at Mummy Kim's place and Iman's cukur jambul later that night.

Berkumpul untuk makan session was a blast. Everybody came back this time except for a few. We had a photo session earlier. I thought it was meant for the relatives in Semarang but Pak Long actually meant it for Pak Teh Joe in Bath, England.

We discussed our trip to Semarang in July. I can't believe its really happening. Im going out of the country to experience different culture. And to shop!!!! 5 days trip to Jakarta-Semarang-Solo. Since I'll be arriving on the 5th. I'll miss the shopping trip to Bandung on the 4th. Sedih but Im still going to be there. Kan? =)

Dinner was at the kenduri. I didn't eat much except a lot of masak lemak cili api pucuk ubi. Which makes me have stomach ache even until now. I snapped a photo of Ibu (my aunt) and the newborn Iman (her grandson) and I choked up. Tersentap. The shot reminded me of my own photo with Nenek.

The first photo is Ibu and Iman, and the second one is Nenek and I. Actually, I didn't just choked. I cried.

Oh. Im in Kuantan again. We went back this morning for Adik's teeth removal operation tomorrow. The car must be really tired!

Zamil Fahmi bin Ahmad Fahmi
16 years old
Diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy Quadreplegia
Whole body paralysed
Permanent head damage

1. Zamil ni teramat lasak. Nama je xleh berjalan, tapi dia berpusing tu ligat.
2. Extra sensitive hearing. Benda yg tak kuat langsung pun dia terkejut.
3. Maybe otak dia x bole function well, tapi dia berakal. Tau je asal kitorang nk keluar. Sure bising menjerit-jerit.
4. Dia recognise orang, tempat, songs. Ada sense of familiarity and memory lah.
5. Adik layan lagu Hujan. Serious!
6. He doesn't eat solid food. So kalau apa-apa makanan kene blend or mash dulu. Contoh mcm KFC ke spaghetti ke, sume kasi lenyek dulu.
7. Kuku dia cepat panjang, jeles aku!
8. Rambut dia pun! Ni mesti sebab kalsium dlm susu.
9. Tak susah jaga dia. Kene sabar je.
10. Antara orang paling senang nak jaga. Lagi senang dari budak2 normal. Takde kerenah.
11. Baru-baru ni kuat marah. Xtau asal, ade je nak melenting. Jangkit stress aku kot?
12. Sangat-sangat manja. Especially dengan Mama.
13. Kalau tido, dia berbunyi paling kuat. Hehe.. Bukan berkeruh tapi breathing dia.
    
14. Kulit putih halus, bulu mata panjang-lentik, tinggi, rambut wavy curl. Kalau normal memang hotstuff habes. Ahahahaha!
    
15. Adik sangat susah berak. Kengkadang sampai 14hari. Sembelit. Time tu memang seksa tengok dia. Kesian. Sehari semalam nak clearkan perut. Bila dah settle dia sangat exhausted.
16. Dulu adik duduk kat kpg dengan makcik aku, kat Pahang. Kitorang x rapat. Aku tak paham dia. Ni dah serumah dah sama-sama, aku adapt. Belajar nak handle dia sbb nanti pun memang tanggungjawab aku.
17. Acceptance. he's a part of me.
    
18. Walaupun tak nampak tapi sebenarnya aku protective dengan Adik.
    

Aku jarang blog pasal adik aku kan? Sampai nampak macam aku ni tak kesah langsung. Macam xde adik-beradik lain. Tapi itulah orang yang paling aku sayang dalam dunia. Dia sorang je adik-beradik aku. Orang yang boleh buat aku bergaduh dengan Abah. Abah kengkadang tangankan jugak adik sebab lasak sgt, just nak mengajar. Tapi aku tak suka. Kuat ke perlahan ke, aku memang cukup pantang. Time tu lah antara time aku masuk list anak derhaka sebab tinggikan suara. Aih. Adik bukannya faham. Entah-entah sakit pun dia taktau.

4 hari lepas birthday dia, he turned 16 on 23rd Nov.
Disebabkan tengah exam kat S.Alam, call je lah nyanyikan birthday song. Selalu kalau dengar lagu tu excited kemain, tapi aritu gelak kecil je. Aku pulak yang down. Heh!

Aku nmpk mcm tak kesah, tak amik peduli bersebab. Aku x boleh terlalu fikirkan sangat sebab too emotionally attach. Dengan adik, senang sangat nak jadi vulnerable. Nangis bersepah? Tu perkara biasa. Aggresive behaviour? Lagi normal.

Hello hello!!!! =)
Today, im writing as Hani, a 19 year old!
Yay!! Another birthday yang tak di-celebrate.
I went back home sebab dah homesick.
So my birthday was at home with family!

I spent the morning with Liea kat hospital sbb she just had her knee operated.
And the whole day going here and there with Abah. Every stop, i waste my energy trying to clear my stomach. Sumpah penat! Haritu pulak nak kena cirit-birit kan? By 4 dah dead exhausted, and on our way to Shah Alam Sect 26 to check on Adik's wheelchair, i slept the whole way. Sampai Sg.Buloh baru conscious balik. Tapi skejap je. It was raining heavily, memang syiok tidoq!

First, congratulations to Kak Irene for her baby Iskandar. Way past overdue dah wish ni.
Second, Arwen or rather Arwen's mum; gedik gila okay! Kenduri cukur jambul ada gift box with photo on top. Menyampah! Birthday parties nanti sure lagi mengada. Aunty Fa jeles nih!
And finally, thank you soooooooooooooo much!!! For birthday wishes!

Ya, Eikha, Farah/Stella, first of the list.
Millylove, sebab she said she's first so okaylah!
Liea, Ju, Nana, Sara, Phia, Ashley, Aien, thanks sayangs!!
Paden, Payan, Rauf, Ash, rindu korang lah!
Ryhan, Ayed, Dila, Fatin! Unexpected.
Yana and Kuyeh, korang the best song! Hahaha
Family members jutaan thank you! <3

And then others through facebook, baru bukak harini. Thank you, really appreciate it.
Senyum puas!

*Malam ni hopefully takde perang telur, jenuh nak cuci nanti. But knowing Shara..suka buat dajal. Kene buat plan baru nih supaya backfire!

Okayh, so i went back early from college. On Wednesday (24th Sept) selepas handing in last minute asgmnt for VisualComm, attending Digital Photo class sebab ada test. Tapi asgmnt hampeh x siap. Digital Photo is sooooo not my subject. I don't know why. Its just taking photos but I just cant point it out apsal susah sgt nak attend, learn and hand in asgmnt. Dahlah tu N's class is the easiest among other lecturers. He accept photo asgmnt yang photos je. Kalau lecturer lain kena proper, tampal kat cardboard, ikut instruction. And yet, im sooo malas. Xtau lah, mungkin sebab xde the gadget or x faham so i cant deliver.


Speaking of gadgets, im dying for Nikon P80. Semi-pro compact SLR. Naaakkk!! Retail price is at Rm1200. Mana nak cekau duit banyak tu? Haritu while shopping raya on Thursday (yang agak annoying and depressing) sempat usha fuctions and such kat Sg.Wang. Tengok features, clarity semualah. Puas hati sebab ianya x bagak dan berat tapi boleh main shutter speed and aperture macam SLR. Fuuuh!
Abah pun dah berkenan, kira green light lah tu. Dulu nak Canon G7 tak tercapai, hopefully yang ni boleh lah.
InsyaAllah.

Khamis haritu kononnya shopping raya dengan Mama. Tapi sebab i can't shop with women. I was annoyed the whole day. Buang the fact that I am female myself. I simply can't shop the way other women do. I like to plan what to buy, where to go, look for it, decide and pay. Afterwards baru jenjalan kalau teringin. Or else balik. Mama, planning tu ada tapi tak execute. She tends to wander to other section. I x bole cenggitu. Bukan mama je, anyone for the matter. Dengan my girlfriends pun susah. Fussy sangat. Ini xnak, itu xnak. End up browsing the whole mall, trying every single thing tapi tak beli apa2. Frustrating tau tak?! That's why i prefer to shop alone. Or with guys. Guys if dorang try tapi tak beli, i can tahan because they dont complain. Pastu dorang tak whine 'alaaa i teringat la tadi tu, nyesal tak beli.' ishk!!

And so, on Friday pergi shopping dengan Abah pulak. That morning after he finished his business kat bank sekejap, singgah TESCO Ampang nak cari lawn mower. Then, we send clothes donation to Mama's office then shoot off to Ampang Park. Finally dapat beli something. I got myself a black pants and a pario to wear with last year's kebaya top and abah bought a green songket. A bargain, it was Rm39. Sapa xnak? Kaler pun chun. Pastu we returned to Ampang Point sebab the day before Abah ada tersuka baju Melayu tu tapi x beli sebab xde plan dalam budget. Tapi he deserve to treat himself jugak kan?

Jadi raya tahun ni tema kami Hijoo! Adik pakai balik his green baju Melayu, i will be wearing baju kurung yang dah bertahun ada dlm almari tapi x pernah pakai sebab segan banyak manik, Mama for sure ada baju nyer, and Abah with his new baju Melayu. Abah tiap2 tahun warna hijau, different shade je. Next year nak propose pink karer lah! Abah said he's fine with it. Tapi I have a problem pulak. Absolutely loathe pink!

Saturday berbuka kat Kajang. Sampai sana dah petang, sempat pergi Giant jap sebab Abah nak browse harga lawnmower. Dapat jugak dia akhirnya, bargain lah sebab it was Rm149. Kat tempat lain rm170 likedat. And i finally found the cleanser i've been looking for. Cetaphil for oil-free skin. Bloody expensive. Rm50 for a bottle. Its medicated and suppose to work lah kan sebab i've seen Zita, Acik and Milly's face really clear up after using it. Abah offered tapi macam segan je nak mintak. Not used to expensive things, wasn't brought up like that. Afterwards berbuka memang mengundang! Potluck from Abah's 5siblings, lauk semua mengundang! Jenuh mengunyah. Memang bloated habis.
Ahad, hari mengemas serumah. Task delegation: Abah-outdoor, Mama-downstairs, Myself-atas.

It was torturous! Bayangkan rumah berhabuk sakan, nak sapu dengan mop xdehal. Tapi kain baju kemain banyak. Everywhere. Dahlah tu, i think every flat surface ada barang. Pastu resdung attack datang jangan cerita lah! hidung nonstop berair, mata pun. To make matter worse, air haritu jugak nak kotor! karat macam apple juice. Baik terjun sungai kat seblah. Mandi pun x selesa. Tapi mandi jugak. Tawakal je laaa, tutup mata jgn tengok warna. Yang Cwoo bangang, lagi galakkan terjun sungai sebab mengikut mazhab dia (xtau lah apa) kalau kentut dlm sungai/laut batal puasa so boleh makan. Bangang! Umur dah 19. Perangai budak2.

And today, lepas lepak2, pack barang, tido kejap..pukul 3 ktorang bertolak balik Kuantan. Sampai sana pukul 6.30. We arrived almost the same time Mamalang, Bahalang and Kak Ngah samapi. Dorang baru balik umrah. Abg U pon ada blk from Aussie. Ishk dia tu blk M'sia mcm KL-Kuantan. Berbuka ramai2 with Mama's side of the family pulak. Not as much ppl macam selalu tapi today family Uncle Heli and Uncle Lan joined us. Yeesshh! Naseb baek puasa tinggal sehari. Tak larat nak berbuka bagai nak rak tiap2 hari. Sia-sia je lose 5kg during puasa and gain it all again in just one week. Damnit! Tak merasa pun weight lost.

Tadi lepak minum dengan Abah, Jiul, Aiman and Imran. The guys i grow up with. Semua about my age. Its sooo funny tgk these familiar faces, smoking dgn Abah. Gelak-gelak, borak2. Pulak tu semua dah ada significant other. Waahhh we are growing up kan? I never really have secrets dengan Abah And dorang ni pun jenis yang open up to Abah so our conversation are not limited. Tadi pun we moved from relationship, music to religion and ///.
Esok balik Pekan. Cant wait!!! Bergegarlah rumah tu esok. Looking forward to meet Arwen for the first time and get headache listening her wailing hehe. Just hoping she doesnt cry like Ilya does. Mau semak aku esok! Okayh, now should go start on assignments. Fulfill the purpose pinjam laptop K.Ngah in the first place. Everyone, Selamat Hari Raya. Mintak maaf selama ni terkasar bahasa, tertulis any hurtful words, terbahan lebih-lebih, terkutuk belakang2, semua silap dan salah harap dimaafkan. Salam.

I dont remember when was the last time I watched M'sian football and feel the excitement. Really feel the excitement.

And get this, I have never seen my mum feeling excited when watching sports.
Especially M'sian football.
She was the one who changed the channel right after news to watch the live telecast.
And my dad, who was reallyyyyy tired...cancel his 'beauty sleep' to watch the match.
Shouting now and then...startling my sensitive ear CP brother.

Well,
The game is good..as of now 2 good goals, and 1 lucky one.
Beat of the game, great.
Tough players...which means they wont be the one got knocked down.
Packed stadium, full of supporters.
If Malaysia play like this all the time, i dont doubt we'll be back in the 'Supermok' era.

Chup! Myanmar is trashing our players.
Play fair dudes!
It wasnt our fault ur player kick the ball to ur own goal.
Dah berlambak kad kuning.
Sudah-sudah la tu.

Argh shit, Myanmar just scored.

Later...
OMG! goalie ni bolos je. Pe cite?

I can say im still new to this blogging thing. But I do want to try it since skarang ni im an online addict. Everyday kene online. MESTI! Macam x hidup kalau tak online. Betul, dah sampai tahap itu. Oh well! Ill do sumthing bout it nanti. Not just yet.

Last weekend was my aunts wedding, her 3rd. I cant say I enjoy it that much. Sebab biasa je. Nikah only. Family ramai giler! A bit funny, since my dad and my pak long have asked my grandma more than once whos coming. Her answer was “kite-kite adik-beradik je”. Is that true or what? Hahahahaha. Bukan adik beradik my dad, my grandma’s siblings! So segala macam tok (fill name in here) and nek (fill name in here) datang lah. Haish!

I do have to say the night before was better. Rauf’s surprise party! People were limited. 8 org je. But it was fun. Thanks ash, ayed, dida, lya, paden, rauf and shaheadz for coming. Payan and Milly, sorry u guys were not there. Or else it wud be fun-ner! I miss u guys! I do have to say I love planning things and see it coming through. Maybe that’s why im good at it (hah!). Since that night im officially a nocturnal! Dah insomnia pon. I sleep at 5 the earliest or 7 the latest. I just cant sleep early anymore. Then ill wake up around 2 or 3. Gile tak? Bad habit! Cepat lah masuk uni. Or anything! Skarang im practically a sloth, a couch potato, insomniac (if there is that term), a nocturnal. Sigh.


Sorry for my first post people. I was very, very, disturbed. You see, I have a mentally and physically challenged brother. Not Down’s Syndrome, but something like it. For those who doesn’t know, its Cerebral Palsy(cari kat wikipedia). Or shall be referred as CP from now on. Lets call my brother CP too. Kinda cool, less alphabets to write. Heh heh heh! Anyway, looking after him isn’t that hard. Tapi kene sentiasa ada oranglah. In case anything bad should ever happen (god forbid!) to him. My dilemma is: I want to go back to my kampong! Sweet sweet Semenyih! Masalahnye, permission from my parents coz when I go back its gonna be hard to leave. That’s why I want to stay there a bit longer. Not just the weekends. Lepaskan rindu and wutnots to the people, the place, the food.

I need to go back! Its been soooo long since the last time. Plus, its my grandparents 46th anniversary AND their birthday. Gile la kalau x balik! Dahla I didn’t call to wish them. I want to do it face to face, and hug them, and give the presents to them, and see them smile. Gosh, I miss that. Just by writing that, make me choke and want to cry. Semenyih, my childhood, my paradise, my love, the only place that can me cry my eyeballs out. NAK BALIK SEMENYIH!!!