I'm not really a control freak but I am a planner. Most of the time friends will point at me to organise outings sampai I get annoyed. Kadang-kadang je lah. Rest of the time, I'll gladly do it. So that I get things to go my way. Ehem!

Recently, a lot of people around me got married. Mostly girls. (Tak, I tak terasa. Okay....sikit je.) Some of them had hen night or bachelorette party before they got sealed for life to their husband. I guess that's the last time boleh sakan enjoy with girlfriends. Being the over-excited person that I am and because I simply want to do it, I dah start planning my own night! But then I want it to be a sleepover thing or a brunch thing. Or both. Aha!

I have friends from different cliques because I have had bad experience in primary school. I remember being a loner because I don't belong. So when I found people who likes being friends with me, I hold on to them. Remember the saying? Choose the person who loves you more than you love him. I use that in friendships as well. Setakat ni, Im glad with the friends I have. We got our fair share of dramas but we're girls. It comes with the package!

Is there a limitation of how many people we can have for a bachelorette party? I akan mengamalkan concept, the more the merrier. These people must be there! I would really love to have all of them jumbled up together, mix and mingle. They must know they're all equally important to me. (Take note whoever that's going to plan it. I wanna have it, so please plan it when the time comes!)

Family - my sisters, who grow up with me
Ya
Hani
Syaniz

Since school, sweating and screaming
Milly
Nana
Lya
Emon
Jaja
Sherry

Scolded, robbed, shared houses with
Hanna
Kecik
Phia
Sara
Yana
Bip
Shara
Erin
Kiwie
Lily
Eikha

Only acceptance, no judgements
Yonkey
Tangsue
Abuela
Mini
Intan
Muncheekins
Ciara
Cassie
Masz
Ain

For letting me pour my heart out,
Ema
Tressa

Itupun dah lebih 30. There are some others that I did not include in. Because inviting one will cause chain reaction. Which means I will have to invite another, and another, and another. Until all are invited. But I dont think this is their thing. Maybe 2 of them can fit in. Cheh! Aku risau macam planning betul2 je. Nak menyampai hari kejadian pun taktau lah dah berapa ramai yang fall out.

Theme: The morning after (that's why its gonna be a brunch)
Dresscode: Your man's shirt (preferably white collared man's shirt but his jersey or tshirt will be fine as well!)

Seriously, I got the whole list of activities and semua dah. Tapi cam melampau pulak tulis kan. Whatever happens shall remain a secret. So instead, Imma drop some pictures of how you can wear the boyfriend shirt. Because I think girls are sexiest when they're wearing that crisp, white, collared shirt. And there's so many variations! Wear it with nothing, with leggings, with fishnets, miniskirt, over a tshirt, tie it, cut the sleeves out, tuck it in, put on a see through one, wear it over a dress, acessories to accompany it. Options aren't limited!




Harini balik kerja patutnya ada family dinner, tapi sebab Im late..akhirnya Abah pergi beli bungkus. Macam biasa, Since Mama wanted dimsum, we (Abah and I) went to Abdullah Chan to tapau. I walked in alone while Abah went to park the car. Since nobody was there to attend to me, I ambik sendiri menu and start walking to the table nearest to the counter.

Halfway there, a couple who were seated started signalling for me to look at them. I turned to them and the boyfriend mouthed "nak order". I just shook my head and walked straight ahead. I sat myself and a waitress came to me. So I told her that that guy wants to place his order. Bila pusing pandang the couple, yang boyfriend tengah tunduk malu gosok-gosok kepala. And the girlfriend was laughing hysterically while patting the boyfriend.

Aih. Fail! Kan termalu dah. Diorang lah malu. I okay je. Mentang-mentang korang makan kat Chinese Muslim restaurant, aku pun korang ingat kerja kat situ lah eh?
In our office, we got one very, very, VERY cocky despatch guy! OHMYGOD we all cannot tahan, but still keep calm, and act cool because we are more rational and definitely more beradab than him. Every day he wil do his rounds at 10.30am and 2.30pm. Twice a day, PJ route.

Our client is in Shah Alam, so we need his assistance to send artworks over there. The thing about him is he speaks macam he owns the bloody company. As if our life depended on him, as if we owe him his life! Eeeeeeeeee!!!!! I taktau how the hell everyone in the office boleh tahan his service. It sucks! Bercakap macam orang gasar. And to think of it, every single person in the office up to the MD speaks softly, and berbahasa elok bila dengan dia. Sorry lah! Mula-mula aku pun bercakap elok. Tapi kau tak beragak nak buat perangai langsi, memang aku tunggu je.

Jadi, di hari yang mulia ini...(jap selingan HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY NANA! I LOVE YOU!) akhirnya terciptalah satu drama. We got a stacks of artworks that needed to be sent to the client this morning, so I asked him to wait because its gonna be late. He came to my cubicle with that lousy attitude of his and asked "Hani, dah siap tak? Pukul berapa? 10.30 takde saya jalan kang banyak pulak yang bising" It sounded okay typed, but trust me, its so kasar and offensive. And I've had enough!

Come on lah! I'm doing my work, so he should do his and not be damn ignorant to other people's needs because we are suppose to work together here! When we ask you to wait, you wait! Kau nak bising kena marah, kau kena marah hantar lambat je. Orang lain yang buat kerja (lebih dari kau) kena marah dengan bos sebab client tak dapat barang, kena marah dengan client sebab janji tak ditepati. Eeeeeeeeee sebulan lebih aku sabar. Aku ni dahlah bukan jenis tahan sabar. 

So I told my new boss bout his attitude, and my boss reported to his supervisor. Sekali dia datang kat my cubicle and asked "Ada apa masalah?" I explained cakap I asked him to wait je kan. And he asked again dengan lebih kasar "Habistu ada saya keluar? Belum lagi kan?" Pastu dia dah start tinggi-tinggi suara. Silap kau lah derrr. Boss baru aku jenis no nonsense. Perempuan pulak tu. Kau marah2 aku, dia marah kau balik. Tahu pulak kau nak perlahan kan suara cakap elok2 kan. Too late! Memang kena lah kan bila dah bergaduh dengan orang ada kuasa.

Ambek! Email sent directly to the despatch's boss. Dah kena panggil, berani pulak kau datang bilik boss aku ajak dia pergi jumpa boss kau? Ek elleeeeee! Dah ah wey! Satu office ni menyampah dengan perangai kau. Aku berharap ada tindakan diambil sebab kau tu buruk laku. Adab takde. Tak salah pun cakap elok2 dengan orang. Orang lain ni yang gaji dua tiga ribu lagi tinggi dari kau pun lagak tak sehebat kau.

Aku ni kan, kalau boleh tanak buruk sangka kat orang. Tapi kau punya perangai terus buat aku tak suka kau. Dalam pada tu pun aku telan je tengok kau camtu. Tapi dalam hati memang ada niat nak cari pasal dengan kau sekali sebelum aku berhenti kerja sini. Tengok-tengok sempat jadi sebelum bertindak. Kau tu kan derr memang stok lu langsi lu mati punya type. Sebab tu lah kau punya level takat tu je.
Why can't I be honest to the person who hurt me most, who I care about the most, who I love the most?



Because again, no one is around.
Except for myself and the new AD.

I love the new AD. She's so warm and chatty and friendly. I managed to be open to her on her first day compared to the others in my one month here. Since she shared her experienced working abroad (NZ omaigod!), I shared my internship experience and my yearning to have more work piled on my table.

So she talked to the guys who I've been reporting to (since they report to her now) and she agreed to include me on her team eventhough my supervisor is working on another account. Well, I have been helping out with their account anyways.

And yesterday, all of the sudden everyone in my department started to ask me to do things for them. THANK YOU! That really gave me the satisfaction after being here for a month. I am not going to be a workaholic am I? Well I do sound like I have the tendency to be one. I am not going to be one right? Right?

I'm grateful that the new lady sheriff is in town and in charge! Hopefully my final month here will bear some fruit. I don't care if its local or imported fruit, as long its fruitful. Eh papelah! Things seems so much better after she joined the team. The department starts to warm up to me as well. 1 whole month and baru sekarang. And I am one of the friendliest person around! Tsk..tsk.

Im gonna make this last 4 weeks a memorable experience for myself walaupun munkin will not effect much on the agency's side. Keep the positivity alive!!!
You're not my friend. I don't know what you are, but you're not my friend.


As time goes by, sometimes we don't realise we let the gap grow. The feelings fade. The familiarity lost. The connection closed. And when the realisation finally sink in, we just don't know how to bridge the gap. To find the connection. To fix the hesitation. To mend the relation.


I've missed you. And yet I don't want to see you.
So I decided to blog in the office again. Sebab no one is in! Planned to watch Showdown episode semalam or plan my wedding. Motif? Sebab 3 orang cousins kahwin. So teringin gak. Eleh! saja bagi alasan padahal teringin tu selalu ada dah. Banyak bebel? Onto the next agenda!

Friends
I've decided to make time only for those who seek me. I penat lah make effort untuk orang tapi orang macam buat bodoh je. Biar orang pulak buat effort. Kalau nak jumpa, datang. Ajak biar ikhlas. Jangan tunggu dah kena cancel baru nak mencari. I bengang asyik kena jadi planner tiap kali nak keluar lepak or outings. I like impulsive trips. Masuk kereta, jalan. We'll end up mana-mana suka hati je. Let the road lead us. To some of them I'm pulling a Mu _____(insert name here, you all know it)_____. I feel bad, but I need to do it. I'm all negative vibes right now. Don't want to spread it.

So far loving my company. Emon and our weekly makan trips. Waiting for Paden and Jaja to be in KL. Looking forward to see Milly and Nana who finished their degree but not necessarily back for good. Dida and Lya. Ema and our plans yang asyik tak menjadi. Sherry in the list. Erin and Kiwie and the usual spot at Erin's parents' stall. Expecting Kimi sometime next week. Lii Jing who said she'll come down to KL. Or maybe I'm going to Ipoh to see her!

Family
Family is fine. Great even. We have our occasional fever/flu attacking various family members but we all are in good health. My second brother, Abang E got married last weekend. Truckloads of family members came down from Kuantan. Not a good combo with PMS. But surrounded by family is always lovely. Feed Me Weekends still goes on. The gang changes but the main objective is still accomplished!

Next weekend will head back to our White House, Pekan, Pahang for Kak Angelina's wedding. And the other weekend for Abang E's lilac wedding! Tak sabar tengok semua orang melaram! On the Kajang side, news arrived in the form of excitement and a slice of sentap for me. My cousin, can't name who yet, is ready to get hitched! Terkejut. Tak sangka. Gumbira, sedih, segan pun ada! I wish for the best. Yang pasti I'm gonna sebok ikot dia shopping hantaran!

Food
I don't know when it happened but I suspect it started masa berurut sekali tu. Salah urut kot. Then I start burping like crazy all day each day. Especially kalau tak makan. Macam dah masuk angin. Kadang-kadang sampai rasa nak termuntah sebab angin tak keluar. Kadang-kadang memang muntah. Contohnya bila makan lewat, dah masuk angin. Burp beria-ria. And then whatever I eat afterwards will keluar balik where it went it. I'm an involuntary bullimic. Kesian tak? Sedih kot. Duit bazir, makanan pun bazir. Tapi sejak dah cuba memahami sistem penghadaman dan penyahtinjaan badan ni, dah okey sikit. Insya Allah. Risau bulan puasa nanti je.

In the past month I've had good food, occasionally expensive food, and food I've craved. Macaroons from Levain. Beef rasher sandwich and cuppacakes from +wondermilk. Teppayaki. Sandwich from Meatworks. Durian pancake. Breakfast at Tanglin. Breakfast ayam goreng crunchy. Thurkah's Banana leaf rice. Nirwana banana leaf rice. Crabmeat fried rice from Quan's. Dessert from Delicious. Duck rice from Pavilion. Oyster omelette from Pavilion. Carl's Jr. Chilli cheese fries. Nasi daging merah Ulu Klang. Meggi Bandung bapak Erin yang sedap MAX! Mustafa Jones burger, steak and chicken wings. Cheesecakes!

Still craving for Buffalo wings from Chillis. Abah's nasi goreng hijau. Masakan kat Semenyih. I miss eating home cooked food. =( Tak untung mana pun kerja kat Mid Valley.

Fun
Yang ni je I semangat nak cerita.

I plan to go to Singapore after internship. Takde kaki pun takpelah. Aku cari jugak. Dapat sorang cukup. Pegang jangan kasi lepas. And there is another plan yang rasanya Abah mungkin tak bagi Tapi cuba jelah. Cambodia trip with Emon in Feb 2011. Celah mana lah nak kumpul duit tu kan? Lepas internship habis, rasa macam nak bazir duit. Berjalan sini sana pusing Malaysia. Naik bas singgah lah negeri mana-mana yang ada kawan kan? Kat Alor Setar dah ada Ain dengan Abu. Pegi Terengganu boleh melawat Andre. Turun Johor ada Hakim, Aizree, Bam. Atau pulang ke Penang? Rasa nak pergi Ipoh naik kereta api. Teringin!

Dalam masa terdekat ni duit mungkin akan dibazirkan main laser tags with cousins or ex-schoolmates. And Emon and I gonna be doing something adventurous soon! Wait for it! It's gonna be Legendary!
Im so bored. List wont be longer that 13. I'll be amaze if it reaches 13.
  1. Facebook
  2. Twitter
  3. Blog
  4. Sepuluh kali sekejap pergi toilet
  5. Photostat job reqs
  6. Distribute job reqs
  7. Scan documents
  8. Burn CDs
  9. Minum white coffee/teh tarik/milo from coffee machine
  10. Baca newspaper
  11. Main sudoku dalam newspaper
  12. Production estimates filing
  13. Media monitoring from MediaBanc
  14. Competitor analysis slideshows
  15. Fikir nak tulis apa dalam log book and report nanti
Heyyyyy whadya know! It goes beyooonndddd 13! 
Okay. Now what?

When a heart breaks, the one who broke it almost never know they did it.
Almost never hear it shatters.
Almost never see the shed tears.
Almost never smell the fears.
Because all of it almost never appear.

I am here to tell you I don't want to go back to where I was.
I don't want to be placed as an option. I don't want to be put there.
Not again, not anymore.
I will definitely quote Beyonce on this one,
"Since I'm not your everything, how about I be nothing to you?"
 because I know things will be better then. I WILL BE BETTER!

You are lucky.
You always get to me when I am in my vulnerable state.
You don't even know that I am at a point when I needed someone.
When I actually need you.
But your luck brings you to find me.
And then you manipulate.
No. I allow myself to be manipulated.
No more. I will resist from now on.

One call is enough for me to fall back in. And its hard to crawl back out.
Why don't you just be happy with your own life?
And when you're not, please don't come find me.
I'm tired.

You have always seen me as someone to fall back to. Your plan B.
What's stupid is, I've always put you as my priority..

 Tengoklah tab tu. Haa itulah yang dibuka setaip hari. Naik bosan dah. 
Lain dari tu? Pegi scan, photostat job reqs, buat powerpoint. Rasa cam keje kat CC.


Harini buka extra tab. Sebab google ada guitar. Sayangnya earphone rosak semalam. 
Tak dapat dengar bunyi gitar tu cemana. Sedih.
Back when I hated USM and wanted so bad to leave for Australia, I told Mama that I wont be a good academic achiever. I will be average. I don't want to be 'someone' because I just want to be a simple 'nobody'. I also said that my grades and marks will be nothing. And that I'll be fine with it.

Boy was that a stupid promise to make. It happened. And true to what I said, I'm fine with it. I'm fine with that lousy, stupid letters that represent my efforts.

I'm fine.
Well sort off.





Gotta get that Kiasu back!