Here comes the bitching

Dah lama tak update kan? So here's the deal. I dah lama tak balik rumah. And if balik pun kadang2 tak panas buntut pun. Balik, more like singgah. Then bila balik singgah, that's the only time I boleh online. Sebab tu online sampai pagi buta tak tidur-tidur. Next day baru tidur dalam kereta otw to KL.

MALANGNYA! Online kat rumah macam kembali ke zaman dial up. Lembab macam kerbau pendek terbang. Lepastu asyik crash. Buka lebih sikit je crash. Crash, crash! Thanks lah ye. Menyusahkan tahap gaban. Tukang clean up, tukang troubleshoot..aku lah juga.

Speaking of which, kiranya from the beginning I dont want to take responsibilities in handling the event. Partly because its not exactly benefitial in curricular aspect and due to the fact that I can't be the boss. Takde lah nak mengaku gila kuasa, akan tetapi I can't see myself working well under 2 bigheads. But I x sampai hati nak tengok it fall apart because the event is organised by my semester. Thus, it carries my name. I wont say I expect it to fail tapi Im trying my hardest to make it happen. Kalau korg notice, nama I tak listed under orang penting pun. Im not the event head, or any sub commitee's head. So why should I care kan?

Malas nak sambung internal AND external problem. Panjang lebar boleh jadi syllabus tambahan subjek Events pulak nanti. All we need now is support. From other people yes. But how do we gain that bila yang supposedly bekerja ni pun tak commited?

Funny word. Commited and commitee, doesn't seem to add up. Seriously, I jenis perengus. Pemarah, irrational bila dah start marah. Tapi this time I really control my temper. Bila meeting, I datang. I take things seriously but in light manner so that kita semua tak serabut stressed out. I make stupid jokes, tease u guys so that kita gelak2. Tapi lama2 I see only the same 5 faces. Sigh. Takkan nak marah kat diorang yg make efforts.

I accepted being in the commitee because some of you literally nudged me to volunteer myself. Susah sangat ke nak make efforts tolong? I thought the first time I planned something for you was bad enough. I spent 3months trying to like you guys again. I hope this time will not be as bad.

Im terrified for next year. Major final project. Major drama. And there wouldn't be time to make amends afterwards. We will be scattered everywhere.

I know some of you read my blog. I minta maaf let out kat sini. Nak jumpa korang ramai-ramai serentak, memang harapan lah. And even so berapa ramai actually would listen? Everyone is too busy talking to each other. Bila semua bercakap, siapa yang mendengar? Im on the verge of frustration. But im holding myself. I hope you guys would own up. Kita buat ni from scratch. Nothing! No financial aids, nothing! Efforts korang je I harapkan.

There! Instead of bitching, open letter I keluarkan. Its a plea. At least be there so that korang tau whats going on and how to help. This is a learning process incase korang rasa its worthless.

Tapi kalau memang macam tu, I nak cakap apa kan?