Do you know what you see?

21:47:00

I need a drive. A nudge, or a push. Something to jump start me. Only then I can get things done.

I miss home. I miss being Fa. Kind of tired being Hani. People don't know me well enough here. Only those who call me Fa know me very well. And I need them near.

I need boys, because I am one of the boys. I don't need any particular boy, I just need to be surrounded by boys. I need their immaturities, their dumb dirty jokes, their harsh language, their stench of smoke. I need them as entertainment. Its so hard to find that here. Its so hard to join them boys, because they are school kids. Maaflah kalau macam mengata, tapi the boys here are either juvenile or kampung. Literally. They either just got out from school or just got out from home. Either way, belum kenal dunia lagi.

I don't know who I belong with. I know its me to lompat-lompat in different cliques, but I don't know who I should turn to when I need someone. I meant here. Someone in physical presence. As of now I juggle between Cassie, Mas, Masz, SueAnne, April, Lii Jing and Ain. Bersepah kan? I don't see anything wrong about sharing with a lot of people. But isn't it better to have one particular person as your safe spot. Your comfort zone. Someone you can come back to, like home.

Speaking of home, a new friend, Wilson told me that to cure homesick-ness is simple. Find a person here that I will miss more than home. Simple to say right? So hard to find one! The market segmentation for prospective primary-person-to-miss is almost nil. Well, ALMOST nil. And then comes the harder part. To get the person to miss you too. It has to work both ways. Alaa sama je. I'll end up missing home anyways. Its tough to find the Ben Mah to Wei Liek. They're like the Romeo and Juliet here. Hehehe so comel.

I need to write this too. Because I don't know who reads Serendipity and I got more random readers now.. (but I might know some because I see people coming from Facebook, and a lot came from Penang, which means we go to school together) I should tell you that don't assume I don't get along with people. I love the people I hang out with. And I cherish every friendship that I made. That's point 1.

Point 2. In no manner was I dissing any boy I met here. If I can't click with them, the fault is mine. Dan bukan semua adalah seperti yang dinyatakan ok? Ada yang boleh get along juga. Cuma tak ramai. Nak tulis ratio pun macam kesian.

Point 3. Screw it. Think what you want to think. Assume what ever makes you happy. Its our nature to make judgments. I can't stop you. But please, if you want to talk bad about me, find your own people. Don't go making up stories about me to my friends. I've had enough drama at the old place. I don't need it here too.

I'm sorry. I'm at a bad place now. I've exceed my personal expiration duration away from home. That's 3 weeks. Don't know if I'm able to tahan until week 5. Two more weeks. Chait! Konon-konon dulu ada hati cakap akan balik sebulan sekali je.

I can be your pillar, your strength, your support.
You can lean on me. But who do I turn to when I need to be you?

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5 comments

  1. Well said. Thank you.

    Yang itu kita buat hari2.
    Intrapersonal.

    Saya mahu juga secara interpersonal.
    Feedback secara langsung.

    =)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Semoga anda jumpa 'dia' :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. "their immaturities, their dumb dirty jokes, their harsh language, their stench of smoke"

    AH i know what you mean.
    the boys here are just not boys enough sometimes.

    you know, you're not lacking in good, kind people around you. im sure these people are always ready to lend a listening ear. i know i will. :)

    ReplyDelete

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