One of the things I’ve always planned in my head is to be married before Im 30. Mana nak tahu rupanya as you get older, you get to know people, things happened, shit happens, then your whole outlook on matrimony can change too.
If you ask me 5 years ago, I would still be receptive to the idea of getting married. Planning for a wedding, arranging seats for my VIPs - Adik & the Elders of ABCB. I have all the visuals in my head.
Everyone will be seated on chairs facing the dais, and my brother will be in the front row on his wheelchair. We’ll have Toto & Neni, Tok Wel & Tok Yah, Aki De & Wan De, Tok Teh, Mamalang & Bahalang, Pak Long & Mak Long. Important people as frontliners.
That was the dream lah. Adik passed on 5 years ago, 3 days after Tok Wel. Aki De left is in 2016. All the grand aunts are not as healthy as they used to be. That dream remains a dream.
Other things contribute to me not wanting to pursue this anymore. I dont see marriage as an accomplishment, dont see it as a need. Im at a good place. A really good place and I dont want someone to waltz in being a burden.
I dont want to gamble on commitment and loyalty. Blind faith, Im not prepared for it.
Im getting more and more difficult. Even for myself.
Okay 30, how do I prepare myself?
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