Though we are not as close as we used to, my thoughts are always with the both of you.
We all got closer by accident. W, im not sure how we started but eversince the first message during the hols..we got no barriers. I trusted you, and you let me hold to your secrets too. Then you G. You seek me for help and that draw us closer. Somehow we 3 linked. You are already close to W, and our triangle is perfected.

The 2 guys i trust the most. I never mind going out with the 2 of you at any given time to any given place. Even if only just me and any one of you at certain time, I still didnt mind. Others may say things because supposedly a guy and a girl can't only be platonic. But hey, we worked it out didnt we? It was fine between us. We know our place, we know our barriers.

Its funny that we always know how the other person on the end of the line is feeling just by hearing Hello. Or if they are hiding something. And we understand each other. I know your life story, your biggest meltdown and you know mine. We shared a lot.
Thanks for all this while.
Thanks for Pink Panther at SS2.
Thanks for Wendy's at Sunway.
Thanks for a great laugh at Pyramid.
Thanks for the countless phone calls and messages.
Thanks for wasted petrol.
Thanks for the late night mamak session.

And Mantera Beradu in the car,
the teasing, the cursing, the laughters,
the pranks, the advice, the honesty,
the bickering, the trash talking, the sloppy wet tears,
the food on your plate, the effort you make, most of all
Thanks for your time.

Its a back-to-back melantak session yaww!
Was at Kajang on Saturday for Pak Long Mariss's wedding and kenduri at Mak Lang's place the next morning. Afterwards shoot off to Kuantan for the steamboat party the same night.
Penat makan! I come from 2 family of eaters. Memang takleh lari daripada berkompol dan makan. Hey, i dont get called BKM by Mike for nothing.

Pak Long's wedding was crowded with people. Ramai gilaaaa. I didn't eat because the que was too long and nafsu makan pun takde. I was exhausted just by looking at the number of guest. And 3/4 was family! Gila tak? Cemana aku kawen nanti.

I absolutely love the room! Its purple and white. Minimal, clean, simple, vibrant. Cantik!

These are the hantaran. Since Pak Long is a skater, most of the hantaran for him is Oakley skateboarding gears and his mas kahwin is a miniature skateboard worth of RM 2,727.27. Significant of the number is because both him and his wife's birthdate is on the 27th. They got married on the 27th to. But they're not 27.

* * * * *

Steamboat party for the piranhas!!

By the way, since the old YDP died they have to appoint new ruler. What I dont get is kenapa tak kebumikan dulu jenazah baru buat pelantikan? Kesian jenazah tu dilewat-lewatkan. And they clapped lepas appoint new YDP. Hello, funeral sepatutnya kan? Aih. Tak faham adat Melayu nih.

Lepas 3 hari tak online, bukak blog dari Kuantan.
Tengok ramai readers datang dari blog Rantai. Eh pelik?
Rantai link kan url aku ke? Of course I have to find out.

Im listed as orang yang keliru sebab datang ke Rantai.
Hahahahaha now THAT'S FUNNY!

Sebab aku datang rantai ada 2 je.

1. ARUS
2. Violet

Yes, click it! Kawan perform, of course kene support kan?

Geram! geram! geram!
Takleh jadik ni.
For the first time!
Argh!
Gila takleh accept losing competition.
Next sem!
I'll get my arse back up there.


Damn. Menyesal tak gi kelas agama.

Was talking to Abg Ayis earlier. Asked his opinions about studying abroad. He told me bout his experience studying in UK. Said it was in a better environment. Less pressure because the lecturers are sporting, no assabiyyah among peers. Easier to make friends. I said maybe its because we got less nagging in our ears. Dah jauh, jarang kena leter la obviously.

To which his reply was "Somestimes bila takde benda tu rasa tak lengkap..hehehe. so now as an adult, just take it in and make it into a joke. Memang sakit hati jugak dengar but its better to get told off because it means they still care about you".

Exactly! I have the same thoughts too. Sebab bila tak kena marah tu I'll get this awkward feeling. Its like im anticipating for it to happen. If seminggu tak kene sound, tak bertekak, macam something's missing. No Ma, doesnt mean Im asking for it to happen.

Look at how corrupted our minds are. Hahahaha! Being brought up in an environment 'sorang berbunyi, lagi 10 tolong sambung' kena get use to it. Telinga memang almost always panas. Just have to live with it. It never ends. Dari kecik, sampai ke besar dah beranak-pinak. Its going to stay. Until you have your own generation. Even then, I doubt its the end.

Cousins, i hereby tag u to note down your experience.
And by the way this post is not trashing anybody.
Find your positive point of view.

This morning we got the news that Tok Alang in Semarang, Atuk's only living brother has passed away.
Its bad enough that I've never met atuk. So Im really really looking forward to meet his brother. Who they say looked exactly like him. We planned to visit him July next year. While at the same time attend his grandchild's wedding. My cousin. Aih! Tak kesampaian.

Takpe lah. I'll still meet the rest of the family. And the distance relatives from Palembang.
Tok Alang, though I've never met you. My prayers goes to you.

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

Millyweeeeeddd!!!
Awak sangat-sangat-sangat dirindui!
Can't wait to see you comel!
You bet we'll be bitching non-stop.
Ily loads!

The last time I watched Hindi film at the cinema was Veer-Zaara 2 years back, I think. On Friday night we made a family trip to Cap Square to watch Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi or translation: matchmade in heaven. Sehati Berdansa, Shah Rukh Khan style! Ye, saya tengok Hindustan, and I enjoy it. Ada masalah? If you do, I’ll start singing Peroon Mein Badhan Hain and dance around you banghra style! The bunch who went was made up of Kak Long & Ayah Sham including one of their daughters, Nurin. My mum and I, Ya, Abah Nal & Mummy Lin, Mak Nani, and Abang E. Odd mix. We got in the cinema just before the movie started. As soon as I sit down, my nostril caught the scent of green tea.

Okay not exactly green tea. The term green tea is used to refer the body odours of a certain major race in Malaysia. Here’s the story. One time, I got free Green Tea from McD for ordering stuff above RM30. But the taste was downright nauseating. It tasted as if the drink was taken from a tub of Indian’s bathing water. The one they already cleaned themselves in. It tasted,,,yucky. Jasmine scent overpowering everything else. And Jasmine automatically reminds me of Indians because of the flowers they like to wear.

Enough! Back to the main story. The movie was funny, Im sure I was among the audience who laughed the loudest. Memang takde control. We were one of the 2 Malay group in the cinema. The rest was either Punjabs or Indian. Jadi kene tunjuk Power Melayu! (Padahal muka Cina, daymn!) The addtional part of the movie during end credits, there’s a few photos shown with ShahRukh- excuse me, Datuk ShahRukh’s voice describing each photo. Since I don’t understand Hindi I depend on the subtitle. But damn you translator! Kenapa tak translate sampai habis? They don’t pay you for the additional scene ke? And damn you other audience who kept laughing at the things ShahRukh said because you understand Hindi!

Anyway, after movie we all went for supper at NZ. Because we (namely Abg E and I) didn't want to go back home directly. And we were also waiting for Bobo and Abg U (who arrived from OZ that night). Again, its odd! Funny and odd. The same group hanging out at 2am. It wasn’t something natural. Because most of them are parents. And almost all had their kids with them. Okay fine! Its not normal in my family. There I said it. Lepak with cousins after 12 tu biasa lah. But having our mums and aunts together. Hah! Kelakar. It wasn’t bad though. Enjoy juga.

Lets see, its been 2 years since my last Hindi movie at the cinema. Nearly a month since I lepak at mamak after midnight. A week since the last movie trip with a big bunch and yes..best of all! Jangan tanya bila last sekali muntah. Sebab Hani (my niece) asked me that noon. And whadyaknow? That night I puked at NZ. Hanya disebabkan kerana terlalu banyak gelak, dan asap rokok. Hah! The irony..benda2 yang biasa kat Shah Alam. Dah lama tak buat, effect: muntah!

Yesterday when I checked my email I had a message with the title biodata. Im like Sapakah ni? Takkan hotmail nyer email pun dah start spamming macam yahoo. When I clicked open I got a very formal and baku message written in Malay.

Aha! It seems my article got accepted dah. Tapi im not sure accepted as in received or accepted ‘yes we are going to publish it’. And im also confuse what kind of biodata that they want. Details in points or a short paragraph about myself. Bajet dapat column sendiri. Gila tak malu! I asked and got this reply.

Salam,

Untuk pengetahuan saudara, setiap artikel yang diterima akan direkodkan dalam sistem. kami hanya memerlukan biodata yang ringkas iaitu, nama penuh, alamat rumah, no. telefon dan no. k/p.

Sekian.

Whats with the saudara man?? Im female! Dan of course I cant help being cynical so I replied.

Baiklah…These are my details.
Name and such and such.

Sekian terima kasih.’

Im sorry, I cant help it! Tak beretika, I know! Sorry sorry! Please still publish me. And please offer me to write again?

* * * * *

Terjumpa CD Ada Apa Dengan Cinta dalam store while looking for my missing books. Got excited watching it all over again. Tersengih2. So comel. Dulu tgk masa zaman sekolah tergdik-gedik rasa macam naaak sangat boyfriend mcam tu! Sekarang, dah pernah merasa..xpelah. Any kind of boyfriend willl not do. A crush pun susah gak sebnanye. Too complicated. Padan muka ada thoughts macam tu. Terus second CD takleh play. Potong stim betul!! Dengki!

Jadi, nak layan emosi diri sendiri pergi selongkar bilik depan aka bilik buku. Ambik buku poetry Aki Samad and Pakcik Tongkat. Brilliant! Just one poem dah buat tersentuh. Everlasting betul dorang tu. I don’t know lah, their writings tu sangat..mesmerizing. Sekarang jadi hobby baru, bila xde mood..baca balik karya mereka. Dulu masa kecik, baca je tapi tak paham. Sekarang baru tau betapa deep their meanings are..

Thank you!
Keep it coming please.
Pffttt!

• Im leaving the old circle too. Goodbye musicians, hello filmmakers!
• Im hoping to score all through next year..Dean's List all the way, so that
• InsyaAllah, if god allows it I will only have another a year and a half here. Or 2 years max.
• Wanting to leave those excess fat also so that i can fit into those ridiculously cheap and desirable one piece items from Nichii.
• I also want to leave behind my anger, resentments, feuds, misunderstandings, and confrontations with others that made me feel those nauseating nerve wrecking feelings.
• I want to learn to control my speech, my loudness and my actions towards others
• Which includes if i should stop caring too much, care less or not be bothered at all
• I want to do something for myself - get at least 3 articles published- earn money- or something. Just something.
• I want to be able to pay for the P80. Clear off everything. And most importantly
• I want to find that ultimate pair of shoes that's 0h-so-comfortable, can be worn anytime with anything without me bothering if it can get spoiled and it must last for at least 6months. Anyone wants to surprise me with a pair of Crocs? Please? Preety please?

Oh yeah!

• A better me..
  

Harap maaf kerana

• Gambar tak lawa, tak clear, dan gelap
• Takde elaboration sebab saya tak enjoy

ARUS slalu funky2, entertaining dan gempak. Harini macam tak berapa pula. Maybe its the venue yang penuh dengan lecak. Aku dah lah memang penggeli bab2 kekotoran kat kaki. Memang takleh terima. Haritu sume lipat seluar. Pakchaq cakap, masuk bendang. Yerp! It was that bad. Dengan hujan lesah nye lagi.

Sound system tak best, mic tak dengar. And they have too many things going on. Banyak sgt sound. Macam agak semak. And the company wasn't bad. Cuma kali ni made up of orang yang tak rapat sangat. Semua kenal2 macam tu je. Slalu dengan dorang ni, everyone who knows everyone. Even if we don't know each other well tapi senang bergaul. Ntah. Tak enjoy lah senang cerita.

These are some of the photos from:
Friday, 12th Dec 2008
at MIA Red Bungalow near KLCC
with Violet: Andre, Ken, Pija, Jijun, Joe
and Entourage: Bika (Pija's sis), Alep (Pija's bf), Elmas (Andre's fiancee), Elmas's friend, Ifa (Joe's gf) and another nameless friend of Joe's .
also; Tanak ngaku entourage, so we call ourselves friends and audience: Ya, Ann, Pqa, Chong, Naqib, Nana, Faiz and myself.

Before performance

During performance
Pija on vocals

Ken full name Redzman

Andre, real name: Razief

This is Joe

And Jijun on bass



And afterwards

Daymn, perut macam belon! Ignore that! Pija wasn't well, she had sore throat so they performed just 3 songs. 2 by Pija and the last one Andre took over. After they performed we walked to KLCC to go to PC Fair. Seriously, it was funny. They were 14 of us. Among us, there are 3 cameras and everytime 1 point to shoot, each will stop to pose. Every single time, all the way to KLCC from Rantai. I think that short journey on foot took about half an hour. Bukan jauh pun, tapi banyak sangat berenti. The sight of 4 guys carrying guitars, another 2 dressing like a rockstar wannabe, and 8 girls tailing them..sumpah macam groupie!

Dahlah along the way while walking to asek dok snap photos. Even in the PC Fair pun tak sudah lagi. Memang camwhores betul semua orang. Finally, everyone decided to go to BB. Jadi berkonvoi lah pulak 3 kereta ke sana. I didn't join them though. Went to Pavilion to watch BOLT 3D with the brat kids. Ni lagi satu kes keriau.

Those 3D specs cost RM200++ each! Gila lah. Movie was great. Im too tired to laugh but the fat hamster, Rhino was too damn hilarious.

There's this part of me who desperately wants to ignore about other people's feelings and perception and just write about everything using whatever language and posts all those photos of my outings that my parents dont know about and will definitely would not approve because of what i wear or the company im with or the event itself or the late hours.

Theres another part of me who is self conscious on how people look at me, who is unsure and always hesitate if i should publish a post or not because i fear the scolding (since i know what i did is wrong).

And there is another part of me who doesn't give a damn. i want to be me. freely. no cover. no shield.

But i just can't because at 19, i think too much about others. And also because my mum reads my blog.

Best rupanya stalking Myspace eventhough takde account. Bosan2 tengok lah profile orang ramai kat Myspace. Some people are downright funny! What they wrote about themselves, or the pictures. Kelakar!

Paling best kalau tengok budak sekolah punya. Akal tak panjang lagi, macam takde identiti. Mentality nak jadi dewasa cepat. Tapi budak2 lagi jugak kan. Some give in to persuasion, or to love. Which makes them proudly flaunt themselves and significant others. Thank god, i was never like that. I act like a schoolkid when I was one. I absolutely loath schoolkids who act as if they're an adult. Have always been, will always be. Menyampah tengok self promotion of 13 to 16 year old bikini wearing, 5inch make up on their face, dress up like they're all grown up schoolgirls with irregular menstrual cycle.

Perleaseee, bikini? Apa korang flaunt pun xtau. Non-existant.
Smoking? Cepat start, lagi cepat mati lah tu.
And your other half who you give everything to? Think again.

Never agreed with Facebook relationship status (eventhough i actually did that to which almost all 'concern' family members find out i had a BF). Bongok gila, break up pun jadi public announcement. Thank god cepat sober. Kalau tak entah hape la I end up doing to declare, notify, announce, clarify, my relationship status. Gasspp...joined account?

Aih, I dont get this love reaction. Why can't people be in love and just be mellow about it. Nak semua orang tau, kahwin lah. Baru best. Semua pun halal. Kau nak taruk gambar comolot, gomol2. Hah taruk! Indecent but accepted sebab bind by nikah.

Aku ni fikir cam orang tua kan?

So what?

Oh btw, the way i hate budak sekolah its as if I was never one kan? Well, I was never a schoolgirl who acted beyond her age. I was young, stupid, clueless and immature. Therefore, i acted like the uniform wearing with irregular menses, under aged schoolgirl that I am.

Okay, my article got rejected sebab it was written with foul mood. The editor said its not me. Not me? Fine lah. If you say so.

It was written masa tengah emo, bad mood, down. memang lah jadi serious. Nak funky2 tunggu jap eh. Kene cari kebahagiaan jap. Stress!!! Hopefully tomorrow night with ARUS kembalikan that fun, hyper, happy and so-called funny Hani.
Lagi tambah best. The editor (who is also a family friend) said;

It's not you. Isi dah ada, dah okay. Tapi too serious. Write something light. Macam in your blog. Funny, fun. I read your blog tau. Semua ada jugak baca. So heartbroken semua tau lah.

Just the news I need to hear today. Of all days.

*By the way, this was written masa tgh emo jugak

Ni lah sebab I dont like planning to go out ramai2. It will never happen. And in the end akan gaduh dengan semua orang.

Dari last week dah plan to go out to BB with Yana, and Phia. And god-knows who la kan. Sebab the only plan I know is Kuyeh akan perform at Little Havana, so us girls akan jenjalan kat BB konon2 celebrate bday Phia.

On Friday night baru lah nak confirm jadi keluar. On Saturday morning, Yana cancelled sebab malas, xde mood, emo Kuyeh xde tiket bas balik KL. Phia said nak jumpa pukul 1 kat BB. Tapi nak tunggu Arie dtg ambik dia pukul 2.30. Okay, so I delayed going out. Tak jadi jumpa Ken kat BB, who Im suppose to meet before going out with Phia and Arie. Tunggu Arie dtg ambik Phia, tumpang sekali.

Then petang dah hujan. Lebat gila pulak. With that my mood malas pun dah datang. Padahal td kemain excited to go out, celebrate Phia's birthday. Then Yana cancel. Mama pulak boleh pg keluar dah tau Abah is going to class and Im going out. Hish. Dahlah pakcik, makcik, sepupu sepoyang bukan main ramai berkumpul hari ni. Jadi topik pulak aku nak keluar. Memang sah xleh balik lambat. Nak balik lambat pun rasa tak sedap.

Dahlaaaaa malas nak keluar nama byk2. Memang akan jadi gaduh lagi panjang. Ya dengan Ayaq pun dah gaduh dah sebab semua berkait nak keluar harini.

Pissed off! Pissed off!!!!!!!!
Frustrating betol.

Abu and his yellow hair

Adly; adaaaa, tak pasaaaal!!!

Aien sayam!

Andre si womaniser

Anip and his multiple personalities (thus the many photos)

Arie and his retarded-ness

Beeb yang sangat lembut dan ayu

Pakchaq and his stupid lame dirty jokes

Cwoo the mentalcase

Dila; speaker rakyat

Ajis and his jokes about kegelapan. Weyh, aku edit pic ni bagi nampak cerah sikit.

Puan Azian!!!!

Eikha; girl, I dont miss ur whines!

Enor; miss her kegilaan and hyper-ness.

Fadol hotstuff! Ahahaha!

Kecik is simply hilarious!

Ken koginavaan!

Kuyeh teman bergaduh

Mimie, badminton jum!!!

Paley rockstar!

Phia and her muncung!

Punat yang rajin melayan

G and his neverending problems

Sara and her stutters. Ce'ot!

Sayoq si model. Heh heh heh!

Yana wayar putuih!

Tipulah x rindu. Rindu gak, tapi surprisingly not as much as the other sem breaks. Kalau dulu, x sampai seminggu dah pasrah nak balik Shah Alam lepak dgn korang. This time around, takdelah tahap camtu.


Korang bila nak outing camtu lagi?