1. Walau tak pernah punya kamu, tapi aku rindu.
2. So much for pulling back and not giving yourself too much!
3. Tak tahu ke, 1 simple comment on FB status can put a smile on a girl's face for the whole day? Stop giving her false hope.
4. Don't come crawling back to me when you're covered with shit. I told you to stay off the puddle.
5. Sudahlah! I'm annoyed by your sudden presence here and there. Take a hike! I'm giving you what you want.
6. You're rude, fake and I don't like you.
7. We know there's no chemistry in us right? There's nothing to work with. Bland.
8. Please open up yourself to me. Or allow me in. Is it too much to ask?
9. Clearly I don't seem to belong. I want out.
10. Honestly, I think you should protect your heart a lil bit. You never know when it can break.
11. You! Can you just please stop lying to yourself? You're doing a lousy job at lying to us.
12. I'm glad you have a direction in your life now. Patutnya 5 tahun lepas dah ada dah.
13. Kau nak follow his footsteps jugak ke? I don't expect this from you. You're better than that.
14. Please cut the tangled strings you're in first before jumping into another web. You're still binded.
15. You trusted the wrong person. That person ruined you and is now stabbing you. Open your eyes, you'll see the knives.
16. You want it? You feel it? Go for it. I got your back. Or in this case, I got your head?
17. I never thought you'll be able to take care of yourself. But you handled yourself well. I'm glad =)
18. I know you know. Just know that I don't want you to know because it could've hurt you.
19. Fall out? Fall back in! I miss us. I'm still hoping. At least one of you tried.
20. Something's telling me it might be you. Dang! Been denying it for years!

Almost like the number game on FB. Instead of the people providing numbers, I took the liberty of listing things I want to say to some people. Have fun guessing if you're on the list. If you think you are, have fun identifying which one is for you.

Boleh tak terjumpa? Drawn by someone from my past. Someone I use to call Freddy.

I takde burn book/burn box. Jadi hantar masuk Serendipity dulu. Then off to the trash can.

Kelakarlah. Sebab 2 years back, I do look like that. That hair, that specs. Minus the supergirl shirt and the muscles!

I want another drug.
One I don't have to share.
One I can have to myself and call my own.

I want regular fix.
I want my supply constant.
I want no hesitation in multiplying the dose.

I'll be deliriously high with my drug. I'll be unashamed with my addiction. I'll show it but never share it.

My power will be its presence.
My pleasure will be its persona.
My pain will be its permanence.

I will own it, and it shall own me. If its dust, it will be my heroin. If its cool, I'll have it as Ice. If it needs to be smoked, i will toke.

Like the discovery of Malacca, I must go on a voyage to find my drug. For he will need some searching, but by chance, he'll be a serendipity.

Once I found him, my drug will find me.

Result exam baru keluar!

First semester of degree.

7 subjects.

20 credit hour.

2 research projects.

And a really lousy CGPA.

Baby are you down down down down down?

YES I AM!

Dari rupa selami jiwa,
dari kata dititipkan makna,
dari senyum tersirat rasa,
pada nama terukir maya.

Sekali menyebut doa bertaut,
susunan eja bersalut makna,
milik empunya mencermin pekerti,
ada nama biar bererti.

Ikhlaskan diri jernihkan hati,
junjung bawa tiap langkah,
pada nama dipandang megah,
sungguhpun jasad kan pergi nanti,
nama mulia kekal tak sudah.

|in annoyance of temporarily dead Juna, stress of scholarship application, boredom and of a certain extraordinaire|11.47pm|19th Dec|

Happy 3 month-niversary Hani.

What? Yuna + Hana Tajima's Live Fashion/Love Music

Where? Black Box, MapKL, Solaris Dutamas

When? 13th December 2010

While every other hijab clad girls (who all looked awesome btw) were there going gaga over Yuna and Hana T (not Hannah T, mind you), I was there because Ain wants to hang out with me while she's in KL and she wants to go to LF/LM. I want to hang out with Dila and Enor while we all are free and the last time we went out together was a year back, kot. Selalunya we don't know where to lepak so why not everyone go together right? Then on Sunday Kak Freda called me to teman her to LF/LM, purrrfect! Everyone in one go!

On the day itself I got 1 ex-schoolmate. Enor;

1 ex-college mate, Dila;

1 uni-mate Ain;

and 1 family member; Kak Freda. Lengkap!

Enor and I was sooo 'in lesbian' with all the pretty girls that day. And Kak Freda assumed the role of Fashion Police. Tapi seriously, eye feast okay! Ramai dress up chun2. If I'm a guy, I sanggup bersesak kat situ. There were actually a few guys who are not with a girlfriend there doing just that. Smart move dude! And I thought I overdressed! Sampai sana jadi under-dressed!

I got to meet some of the fashion bloggers yang dah made transition as fashionistas with hijab. I shall keep my thoughts to myself. I pun tak gorgeous enough to say anything kan. Or bertutup mengikut piawaian to judge others. BUT Im gonna make this statement. You can quote me. Perempuan bertudung sekarang lawa-lawa. Because they themselves are beautiful and when they embrace the cloth to cover themselves, that made them prettier. As I always see it, cantik dalam tu yang membuat luar jadi cantik.

Anyways, we were among the lucky 150 to be seated for Maysaa fashion show. It was full house! Im glad we came early because there were at least another 100 outside that didn't got in. Sorry girls. They gave us goody bag, inside is the event booklet slash Maysaa's latest collection catalog, Follow Me Oil Control product sampler, Maysaa 15% discount coupon for online purchase and complimentary chocolates.

After the show, it was camwhoring and photo bombing session for all the pretty girls. We didnt stay long for the Meet & Greet session with Yuna and Hana. Jealous pulak tengok pictures orang lain with Hana kan. She's the cutest thing! So dainty! Im not much of a person who goes hyper when I see celebrities and make it a point to have pictures with them, but I think Hana is worth a shot with. Shooooo cute! Oh, Yuna sang a few song befre the show. Decorate, Rocket (dedicate to Hana), Gadis Semasa and impromptu Dan Sebenarnya. Glorious!

Now, this is us. Worthy as celebrities?

Best-test-ness! That's not even a word =)

I found myself speaking about you again today. I'm sorry.

Promised you I wont but I did.

Thought it wouldn't mean a thing anymore.

Thought its alright because there is nothing to it.

I was wrong.

I can't recall how you look, but I remember how it felt to like you.

I remember what liking you did to me.

How I want to be better because uncommon is what you are.

You have flaws, but I liked you still.

Your first touch gave me chills.

I'm an ordinary girl but you're extraordinary.

We'll be great together boy.

Lets get out of solitary and together be complementary.

We are suited for each other boy.

I want to start a blank page with you.

We'll write symphonies and draw portraits too.

Put yourself in my shoes,

You'll know how similar I am to you.

Tell me that there's a way for us to be.

Perfect aren't meant for another perfect.

That's why you are meant for me.

I malas nak type cerita. Suffice to say I've been out and about spreading the love with my girlfriends all around.

Wednesday/Thursday

Slept over at Lya's and had a really great tourist session with her. We went to CBN to get her recommendation letter. To BB to send her application for something. To Levain for a really late lunch. To Beryl's Chocolate Kingdom to sample free chocolates (and get free desserts). To KLCC to catch a movie but end up sampling free Japanese food at Parkson. And got myself a pair of Aqua Green Converse. To fun fair at Shah Alam and finally head back home. Very tourist-y!

Friday

Long overdue date with Wawa at Pavilion. We watched Due Date. My forth movie this week. Rad movie! Gila kau dia punya jokes. And that Ethan Trembley punya character annoying MAX! Remind me towards someone I had to endure. Nasib baik my temper is not like Robert Downey Jr.'s character's. Well not anymore.

That night Timah tersayang berkumpul for Phia's 21st birthday and her 3rd year anny with Arie. There were only 8 of us. And everyone had to leave early so TAK PUAS! Tak cukup korum and tak spend time lama. Make me miss them more now.

There I did it again! Konon malas nak cerita. Please lah!

Hellooooooooooooo Serendipity!

I am back in KL after 5 days of bloated-ness in the lovely eating city of Kuantan.

That place, man I tell you. It opens appetite to the size as big as the African continent.

5 days of total leisure man!

We were welcomed by rain as it was the monsoon season. But its all good! Nyaman je.

Lagi lah tambah nafsu makan kan?

Kali ni nak highlights new things I did.

1. Futsal

Percaya tak??? Futsal kat Kuantan okay! Me and sports we're like oil and milk. We don't mix. But I did sweat it out! Semangat main with nieces and nephews and uncles! Tak terkejar weeeh! The boys lincah sangat. Afterwards, us girls (because my niece drove one car so we went a lil bit sexist on the passenger list) went for cendol at Mustafa cendol. Now, that's more me!

2. Full body massage

Awesome okay! I've been having backache for I don't remember how long. Maybe since I got into USM because I've been doing my assignment or surfing the internet in the most comfortable but a very bad position, meniarap. So Mak Lin hooked me up with Kak Sally who have massaged most of the ladies in the family. Sangat best! With a hint of embarrassing moments.

3. Girls day out!

Eversince Hani can drive, this is the first time we've been out for a GDO in Kuantan. Went to EC with Iffah, Noin and Nana to watch Rapunzel and TC afterwards for KFC Mix Crunch. Entah kenapa the girls gone gila for Mix Crunch tetiba.

Balik kali ni kerjanya makan, makan, dan tengok wayang. Within that 5 days I watched Narnia, Rapunzel and Social Network. Pelupuh sehabis boleh. Dah lama tak tengok wayang kan. Balik KL tengok Due Date pulak. Ehhh nak tengok Hantu Mak Limah balik rumah. Sambungan Zombi Kampung Pisang. And we all know Zombi Kampung Pisang is awesome!

Macam tak rasa je cuti lagi 2 weeks. This time around my calendar is packed. So tak rasa bosan. And I dont feel the wanting to be back to study. Sebab USM compared to UNISEL, penat gila kat USM weh!

Tumblr is killing me! Harini the whole day it failed on me. I use Tumblr to channel inner emotions and random thoughts, wants, needs. Because some things aren't meant to be written. If it were to be mentioned by sentences that I typed, it'll be as is I confessed, or meng-iakan.

If its through pictures, or quotes that other people come up with but I reblogged, then it sorta give me the benefit of doubt. Its like giving vague message. Through visual communication. Hehehe. Without Tumblr and its picture archive, I started coming up with my own. Aihhhh! Here's one. And another of lyrics from Hanyut in the previous post.

Now, watch this video. Get the feel of what Tumblr usually gives me. Hope.

Kina Grannis - Valentine

Mahu buka hati tapi pada siapa?

Mahu mula suka tapi biar pada norma.

Mahu rasa rindu tapi tanpa nafsu.

Mahu beri kasih tapi perlu terima lebih.

Mahu kongsi sayang tapi mesti tiada ragu.

Mahu untuk dia, sentiasa jadi yang satu.

And to accompany this post, Faizal Tahir's Hanyut.

HELLO DECEMBER!

The last 2 months, in a nutshell, went something like this.

Pretty much everything but the forth line.

This shall be the recuperation period.

Duration: One month.

Mission: Stay sober, stay clean.

Ultimate goal: Not to be able to say 'I relapsed'

In case some might be worried that I took illegal or unhealthy substance, I do not. Never did. This is a different type of dependence. Something too good to stay with you forever. Thus, the need for adjustment of attachment. Just in case something happens. It can't be all rainbows and shooting starts all the time right? I'm enjoying the time I have right now though =)

* * * * * * * * *

Sekarang musim hujan. Loving it! Nyaman, best je nak tidur. Lagi best kalau boleh enjoy the rain with someone special. A walk in the rain, or a day indoor. Oooohhhh! I tengah terbayang Banana Pancakes on guitar, for me, in bed, under the duvet. Nananananananais! Nak tetapkan syarat bakal suami MESTI tahu guitar cords dan boleh mainkan Banana Pancakes. Will come in handy on a rainy day ;)

Esok kalau tak hujan, InsyaAllah, we are going for a picnic and a swim at Kampung Warisan. Hani and I are taking the kids. Nak sediakan picnic basket. The plan is to prepare egg sandwich, and spaghetti. But Noin doesn't eat egg sandwich and everyone can't seem to decide if its going to be Bolognese or Carbonara. We'll see what the chef (yours truly) will veto on.

Or if the plan flops.. Harapnya tak!

Need I remind myself again NEVER to plan anything because it will NOT happen as planned? Apparently Tangsue have the same problem too. The best thing is, this Kek Lok Si trip was planned by us. Of course failure is stamped all over it.

Semangat plan since 2 weeks back. And when the day comes...pfffttt! We agreed to bertolak at 1. But Yonkey and I bertolak at 2, and their car bertolak after 2 due to the most lembab car rental service. Nak kata janji Melayu, tak boleh. Sebab bukan berjanji dengan Melayu. Except the car guy. I bet he's Malay. But hey, WE MADE IT!

See this guy with nostril flaring? He's our tour guide. Bery nais Eugene! He really knows his way around Kek Lok Si. And he's also my photographer tak bertauliah. Heh!

Smashing time with my smashing girls. Tunggu... I'll get myself an umbrella too! Obviously it will be as cute as I am. I want one with a panda head. Too much to ask? Takpelah. Orang comel, pakai apa pun comel. Ehe!

Despite our delay because of the heavy rain, I think we had fun. Funny conversation over bowls of laksa in the rain. One that include Intan's favourite childhood cartoon, Kacang. Eugene's Keluang Man and Masked Rider, April's Little Lulu, my Usop Sontorian, Tangsue's Anak-anak Sidek and who was it that said Siti Sifar? Siti Sifir okay!

The rain was actually instant karma for Tangsue and Grobuela for cussing too much while waiting for the car guy. All in all, it was a fun day. The weather was good too. Not hot, and not exactly raining. It only drizzled by the time we were leaving.

Thanks for a great time sayangs! Appreciate it! Next sem Penang War Museum! Boring places can't be boring once we set our foot there. Seriously, I think we woke up the gods while we were there. Great way to end the semester. Thank you. Sayang MAX!

The night of convocation! Post grad party themed Red.Black.White. Sadly tak ramai datang. Yang mana ada ni pun dah memadai. We expected 50 people to come, tapinya only half of that je ada kot. Janji korang dah bayar. Payment tu halalkan ye?

Jangan camni for 5 years reunion tau? Menetes kami yang organise tu nanti. I had fun anyways. Seronok jumpa kawan-kawan lama. Tak rapat pun, cuma kenal. Tapi mesra. So that's fun enough for me. Yang penting! Witwicky ada. Didn't expect him to be there. Kalau tahu, I datang lagi awal. Ehehehehehe.

After the party, the bunch of us that came went to Subang. Sambung lepak with Ajis, Arie, Phia, Adly and Ramzi. Sempat meet up Andre and Ken. Sekejap je, because we left to go to Summit. Agenda: Karaoke!

They surprised me with a cake while I was belting out Allure's All Cried Out. Gone satu lagu! Thanks Sayangs! I appreciate it. But I still want a picnic party please! =P

Best weekend of November! Loved everything and everyone that made up the most rocking weekend. 21, good year!

This is my 21 year old self, attending my Diploma convocation on the 21st of November 2010.

Terkilan tak ambik gambar dengan Abah. Mama dengan Adik tak datang. Jadi peluang tu memang dengan Abah sorang.

Tak tahu boleh duduk tak ikut turutan nama. Kalau tahu, memang nak duduk dengan geng sendiri. Takpelah, kurang-kurang dapat berbaik dengan gadis paling tak ngam di UNISEL dulu.

I lagi happy dan bangga tengok kawan-kawan naik stage ambik sijil daripada I yang berjalan atas tu. We made it guys!!!

Diploma Comm & Media students duduk bahagian paling depan. Tiap kali kamera fokus pada muka, macam-macam gaya keluar. Konvokesyen dah macam perhimpunan biasa yang tak formal. Penangan kitorang.

Bukan tu je. Protokol memang buat sendiri lah. Gelak ketawa, tidur bersungguh-sungguh (I dan most of the boys), tepuk tangan, comment MC. Paling best...bersemangat menyanyi lagu UNISEL. Rupanya ada lagu okay!!! Kami bangga buat seketika.

Keluar dewan, I jadi Mak Tiri slash speaker rakyat semula. Nak kumpulkan semua untuk shoot gambar ramai2. Tapi tak kesampaian. Cuma sempat jadi koir nyanyikan Birthday song untuk C'Put the birthday boy.

Terik mentari jangan cerita lah! Merenik peluh. Basah baju. Hilang ayu.

Dan bagi seorang aku yang asalnya tak mahu berada di situ, aku mengaku sepatutnya aku mahu. Walaupun highlight Diploma aku adalah pada 6 May 2010. Hari terakhir semuanya ada berkumpul dalam satu tempat yang sama dan acknowledge each other, memaafkan segala.

We'll see each other again. Our reunion, in 5 years time. InsyaAllah. I'll make it happen walaupun almost impossible. Harapnya korang tak culas, malas, dan cheapskate lagi dah selepas 5 tahun.

All the best guys!

By Malaysian law, I now have the right to vote!

I turned 21 and I celebrated it with the faces I love.

Sekaligus with Mummy Lin and Abah Nal's 22nd anniversary.

Yang last tu gambar band kitorang. Hehehe

There's too many things to be thankful for. I can't put it into words just yet.

I ada ni for my birthday, korang ada? Thanks Diamond!!!

So sweet of her. And I just got to know her tau!!! I really appreciate this Intan.

Mucho lovesssss!