Kalau tengok label 'the daily dosage of drama' itu semua daily life di Unisel. I AM SO GLAD ITS OVER!

Tak perlu jadi plastik lagi. Tak payah bergelumang dengan pelakon. Tak keliru mana kawan, mana lawan, mana perlu di tawan.

To quote Fadol: Kontrak persahabatan 2 tahun setengah, lepas tu putus.

I love that contract. Too bad I didn't sign one.

Tempoh dah tamat. Kontrak I tak disambung. Jadi boleh stop shooting drama dengan I.

ITS A WRAP!

Alhamdullilah!!!

They notified me through message earlier at noon while I was in the cinema trying to watch Nightmare on Elm Street. Of course I can't focus on the movie and can't stop smiling. Thank you for your prayers!!!

Last post I listed the criteria for new blood. By new blood you all know lah what I mean. And I got a comment saying I shouldn't be choosy. I'm sorry but I strongly disagree.

I ni memilih kalau nak berkawan, memang I senang mesra tapi I cerewet nak allow people to get close to me. Andre pernah cakap orang yang lelangit timbul jinak-jinak merpati. Meaning, orangnya nampak mesra dan senang rapat tapi belum tentu dapat. Mungkin coincidence tapi ada betulnya jugak.

I tak ada langsung kawan lelaki yang I kenal sendiri. Kecuali seorang tapi dah lost contact, therefore tak kira. Semua kawan-kawan lelaki I akan kenal melalui orang lain atau perantara. I terlalu sceptical. I assume people want to get close to me for a reason (Ni soalan dalam test USM by the way).

Kalau orang add I dalam Facebook pun I akan approve yang memang kenal real life sahaja. Kalau ada acquaintance yang I've heard of pun I akan fikir dua kali dulu nak approve ke tak. Ada juga special cases macam bloggers I read or friends of friends. Latest ni ada a girl added me, her name seems familiar but I can't recall. Until I see our mutual friends. Let's just say she is someone related to my past. I akan add orang I tak kenal sebab nak stalk that person, so I assume its the same thing for her. Jadi sekarang tengah fikirkan nak approve dia so that I can stalk her ke tak? Ishk! Twisted jugak otak aku nih.

The point is, kalau cyber friends I dah selective apetah lagi for someone I want to be with the rest of my life. Thus, the list! Bukannya nak terus reject kalau orang tu ada criteria yang tak dikehendaki, cumanya I need a breath of fresh air. It would be nice to meet someone new and I don't immediately list him under platonic.

Self reminder: Menolak sangat pun tak boleh jugak, nanti itu yang dapat.

Chup! Mungkin I patut list down criteria Z sebagai list reject. It might work! Heh heh heh!

I need new blood. True blood *wink* The guys I have in my life are either:

Taken;
Taken but flirting around;
A big flirt;
Using me to get girls;
using me for my brains;
strictly friends;
friend's boyfriends;
friend's ex-boyfriends;
boozer/stoner;
performer;
not smart enough;
not mature enough;
not husband-to-be material;
not interested.

Recommendation with criteria other than listed please?

Strictly NO MUSICIANS. Had enough of those. If 4 is not many, I don't know what is.

No, Im not over the issue of being left out. But it is what it is lah kan?

Dari awal dulu I dah cakap, I selesa berkawan dengan lelaki. Less drama. Sekarang, I notice kawan-kawan lelaki tak senang lupakan kawan. Granted that you are a female friend like me who they seek to get acquainted to other girls. Which they rarely get but somehow still very persistent.

Belum seminggu pun habis semester, tapi dah lama tak dengar khabar berita dari kawan-kawan rapat. Takde mesej yang masuk, takde phone calls, kat Facebook pun jangan nak harap lah. Sorry lah kalau fikir I akan cari korang. I may miss you guys later on tapi I dah terasa. So takde lah nak sibuk mencari orang yang tak fikirkan I. And your farewell words? Forget it.

I sangat thankful ada 2 orang yang tak pernah lupa kawan. They left uni a year before me but they will call or text every time they're in Shah Alam. Even now that both of them are working, we still make plans to go out. Biarlah orang lain tak suka lepak dengan korang, dorang kutuk korang buaya (aku pun panggil tu jugak kadang2 =P), korang ada girl friends garang yang kuat cemburu, you guys are almost always there for me. Aku appreciate korang.

Tapi tu pun sampai bila korang nak ada kan? Pasni sure korang kahwin. Pindah balik negeri asal.

Safest bet? Always turn to the family. That's why we have cousins' weekend or Feed Me weekends every weekend we can.

This is the only picture I got from the photoshoot. Me? Photoshoot? urrmm..yeah!
3 years at UNISEL, I was the scout for my photographer friends. i help them look for models, I accompany the models, I follow friends for shoot but never was I the model.

And finally on the last semester, my friends asked for a favour. They have to come out with a magazine as their PPDT project and they wanted to feature me and 2 other friends. I agreed thinking it was only an interview. Didn't realised they wanted us for the cover too! I nearly bail out and wanted Hanna to replace me. But I toughen up and embrace my inner vixen or the vainpot in me.

Not many know I went for the shoot, didn't want them to know. But I uploaded the picture on FB and here.

So now you know.

No, not Armageddon. It won't happen when you expect it to. So 2012? Im striking that out. From the Quran, Allah said the end of the world is not known to us. There's no way we can anticipate or be prepared for it than through our prayers to Him,

Hmm. Too dramatic intro.

Im leaving college and the life I have been in for the past 3 years. The life I wanted so much circa 2006-2007. And the life I wanted to be out from circa November 2008 until now. I'm finally leaving it. Its ending! Im ready for a new adventure!

How do I feel now that I am finally leaving college?
Never better!

Will I not miss anything?
Maybe the cheap CC in front of campus, Puan Azian, and Miss Ad. Puan Gina too eventhough she left before I did.

What's next in plan?
Short term: USM, Penang =)
Long term: Monash or UniSA, Australia =D
Longer term: KRU Studios

I love that lyric of Radiohead's song. Dan kali ni, memang tepat-tepat kenalah kan.

Dulu masa sekolah, I don't have a group of my own. No clique. The desperation to fit in was really really hard.

When I got into uni, it wasn't that bad. It was actually quite easy. 3, 4 gang terus. The original gang, the art boys, the photo phamily, Timah. Ada banyak. Tapi agaknya sebab nature tak reti duduk setempat tu, there was never any group I belong.

I thought at least my housemates are THE group. Ingatkan yang akan kawan sampai ke tua tu adalah dengan mereka. Well I thought wrong.

Finally today 6days short of leaving the diploma phase, I came to the realisation that I still don't belong! Its funny if its not depressing.

NOT INCLUDED. UNWANTED. UNINVINTED.
Nanananaiceeeee...
There's no hatred, don't worry. I care to much about friendship to put hate in the equation. Hurt. That I am.

Thanks.

Apa korang nampak dari flyers ni? Bagi yang tak minat, takde apa2 kan?
Tapi tahu tak setiap visual, ada cerita? Bagi yang ini, ambil masa sikit untuk I jumpa main point. Tapi I nampak. I nampak Mika. Jadi through FB, I tanya Siapa Mika?

Mika is a lady, who has some of the most concern friend anyone could ask for. Yang kita nampak dari situ adalah gig di Little Bali, Cherating. Yang kita semua tak nampak adalah sekumpulan kawan-kawan nak membantu dengan cara yang mereka boleh.

Siapa Mika? Soalan simple sahaja. Tapi jawapan yang dapat, unexpected. Jujurnya, bila bertanya I ingatkan Mika might be a band. Or the skinny Mika with frizzy curly hair and high pitch voice. Tak sangka description orangnya lagi 'intimate' dari itu.

Salah seorang kawan Mika sent me a message after I asked. Katanya Mika adalah isteri kepada kawannya. And she is diagnosed with tiroid cancer. Dulu dah jalani chemotherapy dan keadaan baik. Baru-baru ni dia disahkan mengandung 2 bulan, happy news right? Not so. The cancer also came back. And now its worse.

Disebabkan dia sedang mengandung, chemo is not right for her. Therefore she has to go for homeotheraphy which costs almost RM1000 per session. Yeah, that much. She's fighting and her friends are helping in the fight too. I might not know her but when I got the message from her friend, I felt my heart dropped. Tak boleh bayangkan how she feels, and how she endures it.

I doakan kekuatan untuk you berjuang,
ketabahan untuk you berani,
most of all kesejahteraan untuk kehidupan you.

Kadang-kadang soalan pendek bagi kita pandangan baru tentang kehidupan kan?

Im single, Im leaving uni in 1 week and I don't live in SA with friends anymore. On the good side, Im preparing myself not having them around all the time. Detaching to adapt. On the bad side, Im lonely. And I can't help missing everyone. Those in the picture and those who aren't. Its a realisation that I am still attached after all.

I still have no feelings of sadness whatsoever about leaving my classmates. I am going to be sad but right now Im okay because I know I have 1 more day with them. 1 more day. And then... I'll still be okay I hope.

For now I miss the art guys. That boy or should I say 'man' working his sweat at the paddy field; that lanky guy I usually have quarrels with; and the fast mouth, sharp tongue brother my friends hate. I don't know who I am to them but they sure as hell have space allocated for them in my heart. We're not close and yet we are.

The similarities I see with them is that all of them have long term (and while they were studying, long distance) relationship with their respective girlfriends. Maybe that's the reason I feel comfortable being with them. Because I know our relationship is platonic. We are friends. No more, no less. And the fact that their girlfriends like me allow me to be myself with them. There's no weird feeling that the spouse might be angry at me for going out with them. One more thing, I am immune to their sweet talks and seducing words. They do flirt a lot but somehow they still stick to their relationship. That is a good thing! How come I made it sound negative? They make good friends but not great boyfriends. Not for me at least.

Only now, how come I miss one of them more than the rest? Too late for a crush, idiot.

Razief, Khairul, Arif, hope to see you boys soon. And please! Get married already!

I just finished my second paper, last for the week. Im glad that (at least I think) I did well for the Comm Theory exam. What more with the whole drama of me misplacing my text book. The funny thing was I didnt panic at all. I was a bit worried but didn't panic. Its either Im too mellow, or too confident. Maybe Im mellow because Im confident I can find it.

At the final hour, nearly 10pm last night, Eikha found it at Mally G. AFTER I arrived there. Maybe the book needs my presence because they've look for it earlier in the week to no avail. In my attempt to study without the book, I went to DBP's Pusat Dokumentasi Melayu but only managed to find novels. Therefore, I read them novels. 2 Malay novels actually. Hehehe refuel my need for love stories. To believe that they still exists.

By the time I went home at 6pm yesterday, I still have no idea where my book is or have an ounce of education for the exam. And yet, I watch Adamaya. Its the hype man! Easy to follow storyline, great actors making the character alive, funny and annoying at the same time. The most famous of them will definitely be Mia Sara who plays Amani. Hands down, she wins the vote.

And then, there was Z. I received a text from him yesterday. Im not quite sure if he meant it for me or another person. But every 3 days I'll hear from him. Just recently. I'm confused! Is he being a friend or is there something else going on? Seriously, I don't want to be the person he comes to when he has a relationship problem. I don't even know if he still has a girlfriend or not. And I don't want to know anything about her. What I don't know about them is better. Or else, I'll be a stalker (according to Ya).

How do I get over you? If you keep coming back.

I need a hug. And someone to let me cry.