I terfikir hal ni malam semalam. Terus tulis di twitter. Dan sememangnya orang-orang dalam fikiran itu juga yang ada di Twitter. Pelik sebab lebih ramai my guy friends are on twitter than the girls. Rajin pulak tu. Mentang-mentang masing-masing berBB dan iPhone.

Yang ni pulak pe'el Cwoo and Amin. Berlagak artis sebab timeline selalu dibanjiri tweet artis. Aih. Kalau bab menganjing, memang nombor 1. Aku pulak layan kan... Makin menjadi2. Baru 2 orang. Belum Fadol, Paley, Pakchaq, Ully, Andre masuk campur.

Takpelah. As long as you guys are around entertaining me =)

*Baca twitter postings dari bawah okay?*

Tiba-tiba rasa nak makan omelet kat Semenyih. Pastu dalam tu bungkus nasi kicap. Woih! Boleh pulak itu difirkan sekarang? Takpe2. Minggu depan balik dah =)

Love is a cycle. When you love you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate.

When you hate, you try to forget. When you try to forget, you start missing.

And when you start missing, eventually you'll fall in love again.

I'm scared to care to much, to miss too much, to feel that rush once more,

to love again at the risk of getting hurt.

But what I fear the most is the part of you leaving me,

when I've already conquered those fears for you.

You asked me whose life is more important? Yours or mine. And I answered "mine".

You walked away angry- not knowing that you are my life..

Peterpan came one night and invited me to Neverland where I can never grow old.

I was about to go but I refused cause I thought of something better to do.

That is to grow old with you.

If you were the one who’d hurt me, it wouldn’t really matter.

The truth is, you can slit my throat, and with my last breath,

I’d still apologize for bleeding on your shirt.

For you I can.

Footnote: All these are taken from Zack Zuhairi's blog. I'm jealous a guy can express himself very well. His carefully written words are too beautiful not to be shared.

Our 2 cars convoy yang ambil masa 1 jam lebih sebab salah jalan dan tak tahu laluan alternatif. Adake patut jalan biasa tu tutup sebab bazaar Ramadhan pastu kita orang tak diberitahu?

The group photos of the night attendees.

The camwhore shots of the 'gorgeous' people!

Post-morterm and after party at Khaleel. Ritual korang ke?

Yang ni hasil kerja jahat Teng Wei Li'ek

Come down from the waist of time

Feel so empty when I feel so fine

Starting over we could change this light shadow sober

I've been waiting for far too long

Let's stick together

Coz you're keeping me warm but it's a lonely setting sun

I wait so long now my head is full of pressure

I need time to cure my mind

It's like a loop that lasts forever

I found me. In a form of a man. No, not a boy. Not a guy. A man.

People see him as complicated, I see myself as complex.

We are not both pun actually. Just because we think differently, we take something as a whole dan fikir jauh kedepan sikit, jadi kami adalah complicated.

I tak pernah rasa seseorang tu complicated kalau kita cuba fahami dia. Kalau kita ambik masa untuk kenal dan fahamkan, tiada orang akan jadi pelik atau kompleks. Melainkan orang itu sendiri yang buatkan diri dia jadi complicated sebab taknak fahami diri sendiri.

I've never found me before. I've never seen me on the other side. Sebab selama ni, I nampak I. I kenal diri sendiri, I tahu apa I nak dan I tetapkan kehendak dengan pendirian itu. Kali ni I nampak, pandangan luar terhadap kami yang dianggap pelik dan kompleks. There's too much resemblance in us.

Too much me in him.

We both have been hurt so much that it's hard to want to love anymore, in relationship and friendship.

We both are looking for something permanent that we can hold on too. Not just something for here and now.

We want marriage, no more of this dating, 'in a relationship' term.

I nampak takutnya dia sama macam takut I untuk jatuh. Untuk cuba lagi.

I nampak kuatnya penolakan dia, untuk protect diri.

I nampak nature dia sebagai pemberi, yang akan beri sepenuh hati.

I'm a giver, so is he. The giver always ended up getting hurt the most.

Satu je, I tak tahu kalau dia selfish macam I. I taknak share myself with anyone just yet.

Sebab I belum jumpa orang yang worthy of me.

Sumpah, aku takut jatuh lagi.

Bukan tak mahu, tapi tak perlu. Bukan sekarang. Aku takut.

Dah tetapkan yang seterusnya bakal jadi yang akhir.

Tak nak disakiti, dan tanggung perit yang boleh muncul lagi.

Aku tiada rasa pada dia. Yang aku tahu, aku taknak rasa itu.

Apa pun rasa itu. Itu bukan milik aku.

Dia pun tiada rasa untuk diberi.

Jadi apa yang singgah pada aku ini?

Kenapa kau perlu mulakan?

Mungkin kau tak sedar, tapi kau yang mula.

Aku taknak berada di pertengahan, persimpangan, malah pengakhiran.

Aku tak tahu jika ia untuk engkau.

Aku tak tahu jika ia untuk engkau.

Aku tak tahu jika ia memang engkau.

Aku tak tahu.

Aku tak mahu.

Bukan sekarang.

Kau pun belum mahu.

Bukan untuk aku, bukan untuk kamu.

Boleh berhenti sekarang?

Boleh jauhkan persefahaman dan persamaan kita?

Boleh kita berhenti mahukan benda yang sama?

I'm fine as I am.

I don't want to want.

So please.

Because if the game starts,

I know I'll lose.

Since I now know what it was (I think), I can finally tell you the story.

2 days back, a guy who is working on the same project as I am touched me. Not the indecent touch. It was an appreciation pat on my shoulder but I felt as if current got through to my body from his touch.

I don't know if its because I've been reading too much Malay novels or because I am a hopeless romantic or because it really is what I thought it was. You know from books or movies, when 2 people meet and have physical contact which brings electric vibe or tingling sensation, or that punch in the gut feeling it means they are soul mate of some sort? I thought the touch was that.

Or it might be because I cringed when he touched me. I am seen as the type that wouldn't mind being touch, or hug by guys. But I really don't like it. Its okay if i touch them, but not them touching me. Yeah, bias, whatever. That's my hypocrisy.

Anyways, just now was an event which both he and I attended and we had physical contact again. He was pushing me away from being in the same picture as he is (sad, I know) and I felt nothing.

Therefore, the touch is theory 2!

I think ignorance is bliss. On certain things, it is better not to know than knowing things which might not be beneficial. They say that truth hurts, and it does. Unlucky for me, I found it the hard way. I always say what I don't know won't kill me. So I try to keep my distance away from people now a days. BETTER! Kan kontrak dah tamat?

Then I learned Philosophy. Socrates believes that all man should acquire knowledge to be good. To know the good, is to do good and be good. By having knowledge, one will understand what is right and wrong ( not just by his or her perception but humanity as a whole) and subsequently, will not do anything bad. Confucius also have the same value and said that every man must acquire knowledge to be the perfect man. Which means that one need education and knowledge to be complete.

After reflecting myself, (which I question my existence in the process) I've come to a realization that I've done a lot of wrong things. To my God and religion, jangan ceritalah. There's too much to list down. I am aware of that and I'm trying to change. InsyaAllah. As for relationship between man, that I have to make amends. I don't know about others but when I am in a problem, I feel this uneasy feelings that burdens me. And no, I dont want that no more.

Sebab I have a shoe fetish, and kaki jenis kembang...this will work well for me!

Its called Vibram FiveFingers based in USA (where else?) Retailed at USD 85 and above. Made for comport of running as you will feel as if you are barefoot but still protecte from dirt. Hmmph! kalau ada ni I akan rajin pergi jogging. (dan dan je kan?)

Taken from E's Soliloquy.

You are female. You are in high school. You dropped out of high school. You graduated within the last 5 years. You live on your own. You live within 20 minutes of your best friend. You live within 20 minutes of the last person you kissed. You live within 20 minutes of your ex. You have hugged someone in the last 72 hours. You have been to the movies within the last week. You have had 3 or more boyfriends/girlfriends just this year. You have been a designated driver. You have broken merchandise and not paid for it. You have played strip poker. You are Catholic. You are atheist.

You recycle regularly. You are a brunette. You have dated a blonde. You are friends with a redhead. You are taller than your mom. You have a checking account. You’ve written a check for less than $5. You have visited the Statue of Liberty. You have visited the Eiffel Tower. You have visited Big Ben. You have visited the Colosseum. You have visited The Great Wall of China. You have never been out of the country. You have been a waiter/waitress. You own a Bible. You own something with a Pentagram on it. You have used a Ouija Board. You have been a witch for Halloween. You have been a zombie for Halloween. You have been a Disney character for Halloween. You don’t celebrate Halloween.

You have your belly button pierced. You have your tongue pierced. You have your eyebrow pierced. You have a Monroe piercing. You have your nose pierced. You have an ankle tattoo. You have a wrist tattoo. You have a back tattoo. You have no tattoos.You have more than 5 tattoos. You straighten your hair (whenever it's convenient to). You have worn a dress in the last 3 days. You live somewhere that gets snow. You celebrate Hanukkah. You were at your own house last New Year’s. You were at a bar last New Year’s. You slept through last New Year’s. You have worked on Christmas Eve. You have worked on Christmas. You have been told “I love you” by someone today. You were told by someone who’s not family.

You slept in your own bed last night. You are dating the last person you kissed. You enjoyed your last kiss. You are wearing a necklace right now. You are wearing something red. You are wearing something blue. You are wearing something purple. Your phone is fully charged. Your phone number ends with an even number. You have kissed the last person you called/texted.You last called/texted a boy. You are currently listening to music. You are waiting for something. You don’t like seafood. You have eaten deer sausage. You have given a complete stranger your phone number. You have been hit on at work. You have been hit on by someone more than 20 years older than you. You have been whistled at. You were creeped out by it.

You are a good speller. You are very punctual. You were dating someone in December of 2008. You are still dating that person. You have cheated on someone. You have been cheated on. You have been on a cruise ship. You have camped out in your own backyard. You are wearing something that doesn’t belong to you. You are a Pisces. You are a Leo. You are a Capricorn. You have Irish heritage. You have Polish heritage. You have Japanese heritage. You have Israeli heritage. You have German heritage. You have Portuguese heritage. You have French heritage. You have Norweigan heritage. You have Korean heritage. You were born in May. You were born in June. You were born in October.

You wonder what will happen when you die. You are afraid of the dark. You write in all capital letters. You have been told you have nice handwriting. You have had a song written for you. You have had a picture drawn of you. You have curly hair. Your phone provider is Sprint. Your phone provider is AT&T. Your phone provider is Verizon. You live within an hour of your birthplace. You are wearing a watch. You are wearing flip flops. You wouldn’t date someone who smoked. You know someone with the same birthday as you. You are a morning person. You are a night owl. You slept in past 10am today. You have big plans for next weekend. You are thinking of someone right now.

Your job is stressing you out. You don’t have a job. You have never had a job. You were fired from your last job. You know sign language. You made your bed today. You will usually try something at least once. You have been swimming in the last month. You are pessimistic by nature. You have taken a ballet class. You have taken karate. You have taken gymnastics. You wish on shooting stars. You wish at 11:11. Your birthday has already come this year. You have been in a relationship that lasted longer than a year. You ended your last relationship. Your ex ended your last relationship. You are over your ex. You have gone after someone you knew was bad for you. You have let someone use you. You have been in a physically abusive relationship.

You are engaged. You are married. You are divorced. You have a child. You were/are a teenage mom. You were named after someone. You like your name. Your last drink was water. You have visited somewhere said to be “haunted”. You have skipped school just because you didn’t feel like going. You have taken medicine when you “felt a headache coming on”. You are self-conscious about your body. You have a hangover. You have had a Jehovah’s Witness show up at your house. You have pet fish. You live on a farm. You live in a trailer. You live in Montana. You live in South Carolina. You live in Illinois. You live in Maryland. You live in New Mexico. You have godparents. Your parents are still married. You have step-siblings. You are the oldest. You are adopted. You have a twin. You don’t want kids. You want more than 4 kids.

You have a bad temper. You have made out with a complete stranger. You usually make the first move in an intimate situation. You regret losing your virginity. You lost your virginity to someone the same age as you. You lost your virginity to someone you were dating. You lost your virginity before you were sixteen. You have worked with a Kayla. You have gone to the movies with a Jared. You have hugged a Lexie. You have held hands with a Marcus. You have dated a Rachel. You have kissed a David. You have ridden in a car with a Nicole. You have had class with a Darren. You have gone out to eat with a Chloe. You know a Kyle in the military. You are related to a Julie. You have gotten drunk with a Brent.

You have broken your arm. You have had to get stitches on your face. You have had an MRI. Your fingernails are painted. Your fingernails are painted black. You like to read. You like to cook. You like to draw. You can play an instrument. You keep a lot of secrets from people. You don’t think people would accept you if they really got to know you. You don’t trust people easily. You borrowed something you really need to give back to someone. You drive a car older than a 2002. You have lost a friend you never thought you would. You know a child who died of cancer. You know a teenager who died in a car wreck. You have done something illegal in the past 24 hours. You have cut your hair in the last week. You wear glasses. You have been pulled over for speeding. You love to drive with the windows down.

Your favorite season is Autumn. Your favorite color is orange. Your favorite animal is a dolphin. You last rode in a car with a relative. You last rode in a car with a girl. You last rode in a car with the person you are dating. You regularly watch soap operas. You love Italian food. You love Mexican food. You love Chinese food. You can see a box of tissues from where you are. You can see your reflection in a mirror. You can see what’s on TV from where you are. Your best friend is older than you. You have to go to school/work tomorrow. You answered every question truthfully.

I have always loved Penang due to the pre war colonial buildings scattered everywhere. Some are incorporated in the modern timeline too. I've seen McDonald's and KFC outlet in a colonial building as well as banks and offices and also a really spacious compound for Wawasan Open University which remind me of my old school BBGS.

One day, when I have enough money and daring enough, I will buy one of the buildings and call it home. Its despairing to see some of them not in a good condition, with broken windows and roofs and faded walls. But I still see the beauty in them. I know their glory can be restored if someone wants to make an effort to repair it.

Luckily, some people see all that - actually did it! Sad to say, those who did are not the local Penang-ites or Malaysian.

The Straits Collection Project is the brainchild and owned by an Australian who have lived in Malaysia for 24 years, Narelle McMurtrie.

The Straits Collection is located at Steward Lane and Armenian Street which offers 5 buildings for the purpose of residence, retail and restaurants. It is really really pretty! I imagined getting sucked in into the 1920s just by standing there. My words wont do justice! Just clicked on the name and see for yourself!

Hmm..m holiday destination maybe! But since its a boutique hotel, I must be prepared of the hefty price! At RM400 per night, that will be the setback, but Im sure the experience will be splendid!

The other place I want to share is Soul Kitchen owned by Malaysian-German couple Michelle and Tonio. They fell in love with the place last year and decided to have it as their home and restaurant. I want to that too!!! Not making my home a restaurant because I cant cook to save myself, to live in the first floor of an old Chinese/Colonial building and have the lower part of the place made as a boutique or a cafe. Like Bookends! Sigh.

Boleh tak kalau I dah tak nak pergi overseas to study. Dah tak sure dah.

Bukannya I tak independent, tak boleh handle being away from home - tapi I tak boleh handle Ramadhan yang kosong.

I dah terbiasa bila bulan puasa, akan berbuka ramai2. Paling sikit, bertiga dengan Abah and Mama. Atau menumpang sibuk Ya and Ayaq atau Phia and Arie atau mana2 couples yang I kenal kedua2nya.

Ni bukan kali pertama sambut Ramadhan bukan bersama keluarga, tapi ni kali pertama yang terasa sunyi. Dulu kat UNISEL bulan puasa di Timah. Ada 13 housemates untuk berbuka bersama. Kalau takde pun, akan pergi berbuka dengan Pakchaq punya classmates ramai2. Dengan Shamel, Andre, Boy, Punat, Fazs, Abu, Mimie. Rindu!

Kemudian malam akan terawih kat surau di 7 baru. Kalau pergi terawih. Weekends pulak boleh pilih2 nak berbuka kat rumah ataupun rumah Kak Long atau pun balik Semenyih ataupun bersungguh-sungguh makan bila berkumpul kat Kajang atau Kuantan.

Kat sini, walaupun baru 3 hari.... tak rasa macam Ramadhan. Berbuka dengan muka-muka baru. Yang tak rapat, dan taktau my eating habits. Tapi Alhamdulillah mereka tak lokek makanan, hulurkan tiap2 kali ada rezeki. Ingatkan bila cafe dekat dengan dorm orang akan ramai berkumpul kat cafe untuk berbuka. Macam majlis berbuka. Tapi ramai yang suka bungkus nasi, makan dalam bilik. Hmmm.

Semalam baca novel Melayu. Tengok title pun tau poyo habis. I think the writer suck with her stupid corny lines.

Until, the main guy serenade the girl with lagu Jatuh by Adam.

Lepas tu I jadi stress.

Nak jugak...

1. kerana dia menutup aurat
2. kerana dia menjaga maruah
3. kerana dia sememangnya cantik
4. kerana dia tak mahu tunjukkan kecantikannya
5. kerana dia seorang yg pandai
6. kerana dia anak solehah
7. kerana dia mendengar cakap ibu bapanya
8. kerana dia hormati orang lain
9. kerana dia takut apabila tidak bertudung, orang yang nampak kecantikkannya akan ada niat yang tak baik
10. kerana dia tak nak diminati ramai lelaki
11. kerana dia tak nak menyusahkan orang lain
12. kerana mendapat pahala
13. kerana dapat menghindari maksiat
14. supaya dapat menjadi contoh kepada perempuan lain
15. supaya hanya lelaki beriman sahaja yang menyukai dia
16. kerana dia menurut tuntutan agama
17. kerana rambut perempuan adalah mahkota baginya, jadi jangan sewenang-wenangnya menunjukkan kepada lelaki kerana mahkota anda tidak bernilai lagi setelah dilihat semua lelaki
18. kerana dia dapat mengurangkan nafsu lelaki
19. kerana dia patuh pada suami
20. kerana dia tak nak rambut die ditarik, digantung dgn bara api dan dibakar dgn dasyat di akhirat kelak

I found this, and thought of sharing. It meant for me, because I am still finding reasons to strengthen my reason.

Im speechless.

My nieces and nephews which I used to carry and feed milk to are now my Facebook friends. I'm not going to be all soppy about it, because it doesn't make me sad that they are growing up and catching up on me. I'm terrified that they found a way to grow up unnaturally- through Facebook.

I'm 21 and I admit FB is unhealthy. Okay fine, maybe they have an account because they want to play games, or because majority of our family members have an account. But only some of these kids' parents actually have an account and monitor what games they play, who they added and what they see.

Some things in FB are not rated U. People don't actually watch what they say. And what is written on the wall by others is not exactly controllable. Until after they are written. I have insensitive friends who bitch out using vulgar words and go F this F that ignoring fact that I have underage FB friends.

To add to that, the pictures people posted... BOOM BOOM POW! Tak kira dah halal haram, senonoh ke tidak, batas-batas, right and wrong. Not something I would want them to see. Bad examples. Especially kalau those pictures are from our own relatives. Sigh!

Back when I was 13, I was scolded by my parents and aunts for chatting on mIRC, and MSN messenger. Major drama. I got a little bit smarter when I was 14. Had a Myspace and Friendster account then, and kept it quiet. Main pun sorok-sorok. Now, they are as young as 7 and they have FB account each. Siap add us as friends pulak tu. Of course I approved walaupun dalam disagreement. At least boleh pantau.

Hmmm... I guess I should look at the bright side. They added us, which means we can see who their friends are and what they do with their life. At least ada cara juga lah nak control eventhough indirectly.

Damn the technology.

Last Saturday dengan secara tak sengaja volunteer diri jadi fasilitator untuk program Selangkah ke Universiti. A program from BAKTI (Badan Amal Tenaga Kerja Isteri-isteri) for local public unis.

We were to help out as well as motivate 16 and 17 years old high school kids who came from rural areas. Those who came were from families with no family members who have gone to study at university level.

They said we might get some hooligans among them, but everyone was very well mannered and obedient. I was the faci for Bus 5, along with 4 others including the assistant director of the program. Tapi bila dah naik bas, of course I gila kuasa jadi team leader cum tour guide. Hebat tak, baru sebulan kat USM dah jadi tour guide bagitahu Pusat Pengajian apa berada di mana. Padahal tu first time I pusing satu USM on a bas. No. First time pusing the whole of USM,

These girls are from SMK Baling. The first time I smiled at them and said hello, I know they're easy to talk to. And they can't stop guessing my ethnicity. I love the fact that here, we have diverse ethnic of students. I can say I'm Chinese/Iban/Melanau/Kadazan/Kelabit/Bidayuh/part Siamese/part Korean and they will just accept it. Some of the girls in the picture above is actually part Siamese because the district of Baling is near to the Thai border. Sangat 1Malaysia kan?

This was before we all change into the shirts we were given for free! Duduk USM ni kerjanya collect t-shirt free, beg free, notepad free, pen free. Bagilah kereta free pulak. Paling kurang pun basikal ke kan? The 2 guys on my right was the reason I got this opportunity. Thanks Abel and Sham!

All the facilitators striking a pose in our free BERSIH yellow shirt from BAKTI. I had fun meeting and working you guys! Hope to see you guys again in another program. Oh, almost all of us were first years and this was our first experience.

And this, is Yama a/l Awang Kechik. Prefers to be called Yamacho. He was my Penghulu during orientation week. We all know him as friendly, happy-go-lucky guy. A little something else that I know about him is that he's an Orang Asli from suku kaum Jakun. His hometown is in Tanah Abang, Johor. He is the first son and second of 9 siblings. Yama is here under financial aid from Jabatan Hal Ehwal Orang Asli and FELCRA. He told us once that being here means so much than just an opportunity. It is also a stepping stone for him to help his community. To him its a very big responsibility.

I see Yama as an honest and grateful person. He knows the purpose of him being here, his responsibilities, and his determination to give back to his community. I love the fact that he's sincere. I like being friends with him.

On the day of the programme, they invited him to give a motivational talk. In that short speech, I learned more about him. And I respect him more. I thought I was there to inspire the kids, but Yama inspired me. He was honest and not ashamed to talk about his father who is a rubber tapper with monthly salary of RM400. Imagine, that amount to feed 11mouths.

He showed us pictures of his village 5 years past and presently. He shared with us that they all drank, washed, bathe, cooked, and pooped from the same water source until recently they were given clean water supply. He showed us his school which can easily be destroyed by one blow of the wind. And he shared stories of his families' sacrifices. At that moment, I cried.

Yama's older sister who has better SPM results than him decided to work and give way for him to study. She is currently working, to help their family. Yama told us her sister vowed not to get married until he finished studying.

To be able to study requires a lot of money, which the family do not own. Therefore they seek aid from JHEOA. Yama and his father will go out early in the morning on his father's motorcycle and come home only at night. I bet the distance is far, and they must have done that more than once.

I never knew that side of him. And I wasn't ashamed to admit that I cried listening to his stories. It moved me. And it made me reflect myself, and made me feel grateful that my life is easy compared to others.

I hope in future I will remain friends with Yama, because he inspires me. I know he can inspire more, therefore I pray that one day Yama will be a lecturer. Just as he dreamed it.