Hi my name is Farah Hani, I am 20 and I have the J Fetish.

What does 20 feel like? The same! Im a year older but I do feel the same because I am still in the same environment, still doing the same thing. The difference is that I have more friends. Facebook friends is hitting 1000 and almost all minus 20 maybe, are real life friends. Some I just made at SEACHANGE.

What else is different? The celebration this year! I actually celebrated it. Wow! With Jaja and Sherry pulak tu. 2 girls I was close to in school who are not my classmates nor my bestfriends. It was really great that they made effort to celebrate with me. Terharu! We went to Pavi for tea and jalan-jalan. Cotton On rocks my cotton! Walking around Pavi feels like a reunion. I met Suhaila, Yonna, Lynna and Hanis. Funny day!

Not celebrating it with best friends, (Millie/ Nana/ Lya/ Emon) no changes there. Not celebrating it with family, no changes there since the last 10 years? Birthday treat at restaurants? Ahaa! Im gonna tuntut dinner at Tetikus from Ayah Sham because he promised it. Abg E treated me to a birthday lunch at Quan Ice-Cream Shop. Sedap!! We went with Hani and Kak Anum.

My collegemates was the funniest bunch. They planned with the whole class to boycott me, not talk to me, pretend they don't hear a thing when i talk to them but KORANG SEMUA FAIL !! The moment I came inside the class that morning, Hanna was already shouting greeting me from far. Despite DaddyDat being in front, teaching. Then all the ex-Timah and Arie came in sitting behind me. Since I wasn't there for the past 3 days, I need updates from them about Warna Nyte. Jadinya borak-borak jugalah.

Kecik and Sara went out during DaddyDat's class and only came back when Econs started. The girls was laughing joined by the rest of ex-Timah. When I asked, they said they were playing game tahan gelak. Something we always play during class when we are bored. But I sensed something was different when they didn't look at me or reply to anything I said. I just brushed it off.

At the end of the class, Sara announced for the class to sing to me as my birthday falls on Friday and we don't have class on Friday. After lunch Arie finally spilled the beans. They planned with the whole class to boycott me but none of them followed except for Nanie. Arie was pissed when some of them actually said "sekejap" (Rasid), "I lupa, start semula" (Phia), "Lepasni" Bip and the rest. Sumpah korang kelakar. Arie actually gave up.

I sat on the right side of the class. The ex-Timah girls and Arie was sitting behind me. So when I talk to the people from the other side, they made faces and gestures behind me to hint to the other side that they shouldn't talk to me. Damn it would be so much funnier to have a video of that.

That evening Abah and Mama picked me up from Timah so we left home for Sungai Buloh. At 8pm, Yana called.

Hani, kenapa you balik? Sapa bagi you balik? You sengaja nak lari eh? Siap you lepas ni kene lagi teruk!

Well, I didn't know kot. They didn't say they were planning for something. (Actually they did. Instead of showering me with flour and eggs, they want to mix together a concoction of chili sauce, mayonese, milk, and jeruk. All the thing I hate.) So yeah, I should be expecting for something.

Girls, thank you for your thought. Everyone, thank you for the birthday wishes. Some I got from the people I didn't expect. My love goes to you. Thank you so much! And yeah, never plan for the planner. It just won't be as good =)

Okay where do I start??

I am finally home after 2 weeks tak balik. Just got back from Pangkor for the class trip and Seachange Youth Engagement Summit 2009. Sila lihat centre spread Berita Harian 17 November, Im next to Nando Parrado wearing white beanie. Penat nak update actually but I'll try. When Im not as tired and sleepy as I am now I'll fill in the gap of stories.

Pangkor was great! Better than Bagan Lalang definitely but it rains every evening so the water is not clear. When we went snorkeling but it was a major letdown. Dahlah kaki kitorang semua terkoyak, tercucuk sea urchin, berdarah. But it was an experience worth remembering. Water activities memang of course best. Beach activities was funny and damn tiring!

First day we played games PappaNazri organized, simple games everyone thought lame but was okay. Sandcastle building, human bridge, and Samson, Delilah and the lion. Kinda like one two jus. Malas nak explain. The first night we had karaoke session. I wanted to sing Ku Mohon by Sheila Majid but the CD can't play it, so I sang one of the song from Mann. Hindusetan rules! Tak masuk competition lah. Just nyanyi-nyanyi je. Obviously Farah menang. Her competition Ajis sorang je. Tapi its surprising to find out Tisa can sing, Din can sing, even Zizan can sing!

Second day we went to a nearby village at Kampung Telok Gadong for our CSR activity. Their hospitality was the greatest! Kami diarak masuk dengan kompang okay! And there was nasyid performance especially for us. The kids were lovely. Tak sangka ramai yang datang to take part. Sampai souvenir tak cukup. They were wonderful. Bingit tapi seronok. Semua jadi budak-budak sama-sama haritu. Main bom each other. Of course la my team won! We are the snake, sssssssssssssssssssss!!!!

Evening activity was treasure hunt, lari kat beach penat gila okay! Muka masing2 macam nak berbunuh. Heheheh Abah panggil nafas kuda bila bernafas macam tu. Susah gila nak cari checkpoint from one end to one end.

That night was sort of a cultural night. Each group was to perform but it should not be singing. Most of us thought it will be a comical night like we had in Bagan Lalang. So we took the emotional approach. And out of 5, 3 groups presented sad sketch. I dont have the pictures nor the videos and I didnt get to watch Beep's performance. But everyone said Beep yang lemah-lembut itu mengejutkan semua apabila dia menengking Ajis dan menangis hiba. Lakonan menjadi! Kiranya ramai anak wayang dalam kelas tapi tak tonjolkan bakat.

My group presented a serious drama of siblings in broken family. I was the responsible sister who had to quarrel with Paley, the drug addict brother. It was really funny to start. i didn't have much confidence. I actually made him switch his character with Cwoo for fear of laughing on stage. Tapi bila naik stage! Fuh! Cerita satu sen tak guna. Paley brought out the best of his character and made me bring out the best of mine too. We were literally bertegang urat atas stage. The rest of them who watched was silent. I thought tak dapat sambutan rupanya senyap sebab terkedu.

Next morning after morning exercise and breakfast ada battle joget dari atas balkoni Timah and di bawah berwakilkan Hanna, Yaya, No'on, and Bam. Kelakar gila. Tapi layan kan ajalah. Asalnya the girls kat bawah battle dengan Paley and Arie. Then we took over. No pictures. Just videos. After that Banana Boat ride and snorkeling. My Banana boat ride was with Phia, Sara, Beep, Kecik, No'on, Hanna and Farah. Everyone else fell when their boat reach the shore. But us, we hold on to it because Farah wasn't feeling well and some was dead scared. So when the boat driver swerve to the ride, all of us grip the handle and shifted our weight to the opposite direction. Lawak gila masa driver tu pandang blakang tgk semua still atas boat. Hahahahahahaha.

Finally petang balik, malas nak cerita in details. Balik. Apa nak cerita? Kemas baju, angkat barang, tidur dalam boat sampai jeti. Jalan-jalan kat Lumut sampai bas datang pukul 6. Tunggu driver makan sampai 6.30. Sampai S.Alam pukul 11.30. Penat. Terus shoot of to Malaya Hotel to check in for Seachange.

SOUTH EAST ASIA...YES I CAN!

Esok sambung. Penat.

Yes I have issues with you. I have issues looking at you, seeing you in front of me, listening you talk to me. I have issues with you lips, honey. I have issues with you wanting to be flirty to me. I have issues regarding friends around you and me. I have issues.

I told you not to sweet talk me. Dont butter me up because you don't know how much Im holding myself not to melt away.

Dont show me your get-out-of-jail-free pass because its you who are free. I wont be, because i'll be locked and you'll hold the key.

You want to be friends? Lets be friends. Good enough to talk trash to each other but never close enough to declare something or the other.

Keep your vague intentions to yourself. Dont say things you don't mean. One of us might end up understanding it differently and expects more than what we have to offer.

I sense you having a bad effect on my heart. I can't select you because you're not good enough for me. I perceive you to be a problem.

The reason I ask you directly is to keep confusion aside. What did you do? You flirt.
The reason I declined was to restraint myself falling for you. What did you do? You asked me what's the problem? Well its you.
Now tell me, what will you do if I appeal to you to not flirt?

Just so I can stop the feelings I already have for you.

I was a nomad when i was younger. We moved a lot, from Kampung Baru to Taman Maluri to Pandan Jaya to Balakong to Desa Moccis to Shamelin Perkasa to Pandan Perdana and finally back to Desa Moccis.

Being in many places, i dont know or remember much of my neighbours. Heck, i dont even see them much as we will go out early in the morning after subuh and only come back at night. The only neighbours i can think of and actually 'adopt' as my neighbours are Ya's neighbours in Taman Keramat Permai. That's where i grew up. My adopted neighbourhood.

My earliest memory of childhood friends other than my cousins are my next door neighbours from Jalan Pria 2, Taman Maluri. I don't remember much about them but I remember the brother sister duo, Shamin and Tasya.

They moved before we did. And they gave me a picture of them in a rabbit frame as a parting gift. I like, love, and treasure that gift so much! I remember showing it to everyone who came to my house. And i made Abah write their name at the back of the picture. Im glad he did it because i never forgot them.

Each house we moved in, their picture will be on display. 17 years have gone past without me seeing them, ever! Abah and mama met their parents a few years back but lost contact again.

Im hoping to see them again. Or at least have them as my facebook friend. So if any of you readers might know a certain Tasya who has a brother named Shamin who use to live in Taman Maluri, please let me know. I dont know any other details nor the name of their parents but I do have their picture. Thank you!

Whoever comes are the right people;
Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened;
Whenever it starts is the right time;
When it’s over, it's over.

Are you the right person? Is it happening? Is now the time? Should it start?

* Thanks Ema for stumbling upon it, blogging about it and shining a little light on my path. Now I need answers.

How do i say no when all i want to say is yes? How do i avoid you when my eyes is always looking for you? How do i create a gap between us when i want to be near you?

How do i stop myself from falling for you? How do i reject you when you always catch my attention? How am i suppose to be cautious when you always approach nearer?

How am i suppose to not want you when you keep getting closer? How do i know you're sincere? How do i know its not just another game for you, the player?

You're charming, you're cheeky, you're a tease. But you're also a flirt.

Be single already! Then things will be easy.

Seriously Im so frikking pissed! I just dont get how people would want to be in a part of something but they clearly are not interested in. Kenapa? Nak nama je ke? Nak sijil? Im so pissed sebab my ass is on the line. Pastu aku nak jaga kebajikan kau pula lah? Hello! You are under me, kalau pun aku menyampah ke apa ke, bila orang kutuk kau. Aku back up! Sebab your working together with me. Its a collabrative effort lah! Penat lah kalau aku nak buat semua.

Geramnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! Boleh tak you are suppose to handle just a little piece. And you dont know what I told you to do. Format tak tau, kat mana benda tu tak tau. Tentang apa tak tau! I suruh tengok you boleh cakap tak sempat kot? Its been there for 1 month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can you not know about it? Argh! Sorry you've been busy? My arse you're busy. Aku lagi busy lah!

Nak ungkit cerita busy? I got 4 group projects. I need to have a survey and research done! I interviewed and wrote a report on an organisation! I need to shoot a video and present it next week. I need to create a website and present it. I went to a conference and need to write a report. I was in the organising comitee for events. I covered most of the events this month. Nak cakap u lagi busy? Bring it on!

Seriously, Im letting you go. Good for nothing. Because having you here is just the same as not having you around. *dirt off my shoulder*

First and foremost, I WON THE TRIP TO SEACHANGE!!!!!!! Therefore, I'll be celebrating my 20th birthday on the 20th of November with strangers new friends! There are 500 of selected winners from various South East Asia country and I'm one of them! I'm representing Malaysia!!!!! Hell yeah! I can't wait to be there and meet ALL of them. Especially Nando Parrado. I think I'm going to cry when I see him. He's such an inspiration.

I've talked to Prof Ali to allow me to be excused from classes on the 18th and 19th, so that's sorted. I'm just hoping there will be no presentations or projects submissions on both dates. By going to the conference I'll be away from home for 3weeks straight. Record tuh! This weekend Im having MUET examination and treasure hunt. Next weekend I'll be in Pangkor for the class trip. And the other week is YES2009. Busy girl heh? Wish me luck people!

I heard Achik's and Kak Su's cat, Yahoo is dying of Chronic Renal Failure. Sedih laaaa. Walaupun Im not as close to this one compared to the other ones before, we still think them as family. Im praying for you baby.

What else??? Disebabkan tengah mengantuk tahap takleh nak buka mata yang secara semulajadinya memang dah sepet, tak tahulah nak tulis apa. Oh! I can update about Witwicky.

Let me tell you things you don't quite know about Witwicky. He has a girlfriend, he's a flirt, he's a sweet talker, he has a lot of admirers and one of them actually did something that made he and his girlfriend quarreled. While she was mad at him, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Great innit?

Well, obviously I want it but definitely not that way. If that happens with his current girlfriend, it can happen to me too. And he's just fooling around. So that didn't count. He's great at doing that, fooling around. With lots of girls. Countless! Lets put it this way, I'm just setting some ground rules. If he wants it to happen, he will work for it. And I'll think about it because clearly he's incapable of monogamy. I want a relationship that can last a lifetime. And I'm not easy.

By the way, I think he knows I like him. I am that obvious aren't I?

Chup! Orang super excited ni got the wrong info. Ill be at the SEAchange summit on 16th to 18th. Which means, semua kelas pun i tuang. Habislaaaaaaaaaaa!!!