I think this is uber brilliant!

The title is also Katy Perry's song. Which I accidentally found while browsing through Jango during my boredom days as an intern at Bates. Back then the song sorta made my mind wander towards one person.

And now its wandering to that particular area again.

Big things are happening next year. Really big. So I may want to take the opportunity to sort out one important expect of my life. Maybe just maybe Ill be bold enough by then to actually say it. To make it known.

Sometimes I got balls. I hope it will grow again next year. Just for that particular opportunity.

Hopefully.

When we meet again
I never thought we'll be more than friends
But here we are
Stuck in between

There's a line we have not erased
Because the steps we take made it vague
We're stuck in between
Because we have fallen in

Can't go back and won't move forth
I can feel the walls are closing in
Like quicksand, it swallowed us in
Now we're stuck in between

How do we get out of this
Do we start over
Do we wipe the slate clean
Or lets just be together
You and I
We're stuck in between

Dated 27/1/11


•••••••••••••••••••••••

Kita tak tahu melangkah lagi
Setiap langkah kita adalah penerjunan
Kita relakan diri ditelan pasir jerlus
Kita benarkan diri disangkar terus

Aku tak tahu kamu
Tapi aku tanpa sedar terjerumus lahu
Aku tak pasti lagi aku
Sedang cuba kenali diri yang baru
Atau dalam diam sedang buang dulunya aku

Tak pernah diluah dengan kata
Tapi termeterai tak mampu wujud kita
Namun sempat juga tercipta ruang
Untuk rasa tanpa kita

29/1/11

The letter of the day is P.

For PARTAY!
P for perfect.
Pleased.
Patience.
Perseverence.
Present.
Praise.
P.

Best of all, the letter P is going to be pasted on the screens of cars I will be driving!

Say whatttt?! I passed my driving test! And will be getting my probational driving license next week! Alhamdulillah!

After 5 years from the first class, being pessimistic and pressured, FINALLY..... PASSED!

Sometimes you know its wrong but you need to speak about it to your friends. Just so those feelings you restraint wont channel to that place where it must go but should not.

I am feeling that now. And I cant think of any friend that would just listen. And the most they can do, listen and tell me NO. I dont need them to tell me that. I know that myself. I just want someone to listen so that I wont go after the thing they said no to.

Haha, writing in gray. I can write it with crystal clear image and say its a fiction Im working on. But no, I only write what I know. And this can be shocking.

So, No.
Im telling that now.

I havent been updating kan? Work have been taking a lot of my time. Very demanding. Truthfully, it feels like dating...with work.

But, I would like a person who demands my time and attention. One that can pull my shirt down when Im reaching the top shelf. One that makes my exhaustion gone with a smile.

And definitely one that can send me back home after work. Today I walked home from the office. Hebat tak? Haha.

Ever since I started working, gone are the time I spent on Twitter, Running Man and blog hopping. On most days I go to work at 7.30 and leave well after 5.30. Some days I feel so demotivated I dont want to come back, but also on the same day, something nice happens and I see myself returning there. Its my second month already. Can you believe it?! Im giving this place a chance for a bit more. You know office politics are everywhere so I just dismiss that. People here are nice and friendly. And one particular person is so highly motivated that Im partly scared and partly admiring his qualities. Okay enough. Lets share some raya pictures!

This year is the turn to celebrate in White House, Pekan, Pahang. 80 plus family members all bundled in one house! Havoc! As always, the morning of Eid will be a problematic day for all of us. There's not enough water for everyone to bathe. So this year my uncles installed a new pumping system. Everything was fine and dandy.....until the very morning itself. Alas! Still no water! So all the males in the family went to the mosque to shower and even there they had to compete with each other so that they can get ready early for Eid prayers.

All is good this year. I managed to give all my cousins duit raya. First salary for the family! InsyaAllah in future I can give more to more people.

'

By the way, I still receive duit raya! Heh heh heh. Pictures below are from the many open houses and gathering I attended.

Oooops! The last picture is for another post ;)

Believe it or not, this is an emotional night for me.

It's time for the next phase. Time to payback all those hutang budi yang teramat banyak tak terbilang tapi sentiasa diingati. InsyaAllah one at a time.

Everyone, your girl has grown up.
And tomorrow at 7.15am, she reports for duty for her first job.

Please pray for the best for me. Amin.

The selected word was given by @Fadz_Johanabas aka Mo, a doctor who writes to save himself from drowning in his own passion for literature.

Discombulate means confuse. Which I am right now because I was set to write about curiousity as suggested by Ema. Hers was the first reply I got. I actually wanted to tell you guys about Coca-Cola marketing strategy for Vanilla Coke when it was first introduced in 2002 or 2003. Their tagline was "Feed Your Curiosity"

I remember that night Kak Lina, Abang Ayis, Abang E and I went to KLCC to watch Gothika. When we entered the cinema there were a few people who looked busy and one was holding a flash card. In the dark. Can't recall if I actually manage to read what was written. Anyways, the advertisements and trailers started, followed by Vanilla Coke advert which ended with a red screen with words stating CHECK UNDER YOUR SEAT! i heard whispers and buzzing sound all around, i guess the audience were not entirely sure if they should do it. Maybe its the fear of looking stupid that stopped them. I didnt actually checked, i just brave myself to put my hand under the seat and I touched something cold and wet. They gave us a can of vanilla coke! That was a really cool marketing strategy. Gave me a lasting impact. Wonder why I never blog about it before.

Okay! I think I managed to confuse myself more now since I've been writing about Vanilla Coke rather than a story related to the word discombobulate. Ahhh I have the perfect thing story for this.

I am hopeless and most unreliable when it comes to directions. Seriously, I am a total failure at giving directions, reading maps/GPS and memorizing roads. In short, I SUCK! I live in Keramat. Just last night after a lepak session in Wangsa Maju, I told Syafiq to take a left turn at a junction to 'get home'. He said we should just go straight. Guess where we are heading? Back to Wangsa Maju. I can totally qualify as a dumb blond if people bleach my hair before asking for directions. Heh!

I hate giving directions and I feel so pressured if people expect me to give directions. I may know the place and what is near to it, but damn! I can never remember how to get there. I dream of joining Amazing Race or those treasure hunt challenge but I really should have a partner/team members who are patient and has a GPS like memory. I will only be great help in getting us disoriented from the course. And then we will all be discombobulated!

Eh so fun lah the word. Like bamboozled! Ooooh I wish I can actually play that game. FRIENDS made it sound so fun. Just so you know bamboozle is a synonym for discombobulate. Really!

YOU'VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED!
Sorry, just had to do it.

The proposed word of the day is Sufficient by @nnegwa

Let's see. The most suited issue related to the word should be money and financial. But since Im lacking in that department and the story will be leaning towards the word insufficient, i shall not write about that. Instead, ill tell you bout what Im having in life that is more than enough, family.

Intro: big ass family, in good terms with everyone, always make time to hang out with one another.

As I mentioned earlier, I am not from a well off family. But indeed I have many family members than can afford to spend what they have outside their household. And since I am (sort of) in everyone's household, I've been blessed with a lot of opportunities and materials.

I have been abroad a few times, with expenses covered by cousins, aunts and uncles. I have nice clothes that I can't afford courtesy of them. Ive dined in overpriced eatery that serves meal for one but charges for three because of them. I've been labelled as a rich girl by some because I use a Vaio and iPhone that were gifts from them. Best of all, I had a wonderful childhood because of them.

My parents are nice people. They don't have much to offer but they give when they can. Jangan berkira, they say. Because God is Great. And true enough, what little they gave was returned to them through my brother and I.

This 'rich girl' went to USM without getting any allowance from parents. I went to university and bought all those necessities dengan ihsan family members. My father said all that I got right now are things he never dreamt he can actually provide for me. And we are all grateful.

I never really requested to get something. Things are mere items. Im not brand conscious not because I dont like branded things or Im not familiar with them. It's just simply coz I can't afford them and what I have is already enough.

I have enough. Enough hardship to appreciate what come by. Enough love to extend it to others. Enough hate to only want good things in life. Enough family and friends, and to never compare their value with money. Everything is sufficient. Im pretty sure God also give enough time for all of us to correct what is wrong. Only that we have to remind ourselves to use it right.

Sengaja name the post blues sebab its Monday (okay moving to Tuesday) and because I am bloody addicted to Big Bang's Blue. Dafuq! The song is also playing in my subconscious mind. I find myself waking up from sleep and the song is playing in my head. Not the intro but the bridge or second verse or randomly as if its been playing the whole time! Weird and sometimes annoying. Nasib baik its a nice song.

I know I've been neglecting Serendipity. If you look properly, you might actually find spider's web or two. Lets hope there's no rats though. So how have I been? What have I been up to? Nothing really.

After I finished my last paper, I packed my belongings and rushed home. Nothing awaits in USM anymore. And KL sounds so much more promising. Im on a job hunt already eventhough I plan to start working only after raya. Hopefully job search ends before that and I can secure a good job by Ramadhan.

The holiday plan was to chill for a week at home. Then a week in Tioman for Rozi's wedding and come back for a few days before going to Langkawi with family. But the plan is now changed due to some circumstance that require the wedding to be postponed. Sekarang dah macam tawar hati sebab Tioman wedding will take place on 15th. Same date with last day in Langkawi and a family gathering in Kajang. Knowing me, Ill choose my family over friends. Tapi ni both side of family ada something and a good friend from Amsterdam getting hitched in Tioman. Choices choices.

Le sigh. I feel that I must start writing again to cure my boredom. Everyday I wake up at noon before Zuhur. Teruk weyh! Tidur sebelum Subuh. Messed up gila. I dont like this. Maybe by mid July bila dah tak tahan bosan sangat, Ill start working part time somewhere.

As for now, swimming, driving class, belajar mengaji semula, language class, semua terabur entah ke mana. Duduk rumah dalam kebosanan je. Too comfortable at home. Keluar lepak pun malas.

As I hug you goodbye,
I feel my heart burdened
My arms wanting to tighten
Your hands bringing me closer
Closing in, sincere.

I feel a jumble of emotions flooding in.
Regret,
For recently discovering you.
For not knowing you enough.
Contested,
Feeling the warmth I shouldn't deserve.

As I hug you goodbye
I prepare for farewell
So long, until we meet again.









5.15 am.
You entered my dreams. Its almost real. If I am not me, I would have your fingers entwined with mine. And decide what it means later.

Guess who's back?

Back again.

Hani's back! Tell your friends!

My FYP is overrrrrrrrrrrrr! Now we are all busy raking our brains to finish our report and individual assignment due 5th May. Our last event STRIP: The Final Call went well, Alhamdulillah. I was so busy being nervous trying not to spoil the lighting of the whole event that night. And I managed to go through with all the technical difficulties! With glitches here and there. Bebe and I was sweating and trying to keep our cool in the technical room. Luckily Nicholas came to help us out. Menetes peluh sejuk. Since I was hungry and cranky, of course I did not manage to keep my cool. Thank God they were with me. Kalau orang lain yang annoying I bebel nonstop kot.

The next night we all went for our Rock & Roll Diamond themed Comm night. First prom I ever attended. Since I did not have the time to shop nor the money to get something new, I just wore what I have. My acid wash skinny jeans, plain black top, black cardigan with studs, peacock green satin shawl and black heels. Done!

Food was good, company was great, night was awesome. ADWAVE won a few awards. Us STRIPpers screamed our lungs out when they announced we won Best Teamwork and Best Creative Production. By the time our Deputy Dean announced we won Best Campaign we were all shrieking and running to get on stage! Apparently that's not all we won. We were also recipient for VC List - Persuasive Comm section. Yay for ADWAVE 2012: STRIP!

I didn't feel the sadness yet then because everyone was too busy taking photographs, smiling and laughing with each other. The feelings set once I'm in my room, uploading pictures. I regret not taking enough photographs with important people who matter during my 2 years here. I will definitely miss them. Hope all will be the best in the area they joined.