Hello Kuantan! How long have I not been back? You people in Kuantan are looking great! Except for the stupid idiotic drivers and bikers. Seriously? Be patient on the road. After all, we are in the leisure town of Kuantan.

Dont know if its because I've not been in malls in yonks or because I've never actually browse through in East Coast Mall, I think I love it! The mall is simple and yet it offers so much! Padini Concept Store, Clarks, Crocs, Nose, Everlast, Tropicana Life, Roxy, Converse. They have enough. Seronok nak shop! Food stores pun best. Noodle Station, a vegan restaurant which Im tempted to try, and a few fast food joints. Macam Chilis, TGIF, Bubba Gump tu belum lagi lah. I think it would be soon though. Kuantan is rapidly improving.

Got my replacement sandals at EC Mall. Malangnya did not have cash with me. Or else I would have gotten more shoes and corporate attire there too =)
Takpe. The week after Chinese New Year I'll be back again. Adik got a medical check up on 25th of Feb. And Aiman is hosting a gig at TC on 27th. Therefore, I'll be back for those reasons AND SHOPPING!!!

Nain Bundle, Bundle belakang TC.... stock up!!!

I've beginning to realise that i love the smell of old books. When i flip the yellowing pages, i can smell time.

I love touching the slightly rough texture of the old paper. Its a reminiscent.

I love the small serif typeface. Its welcoming and I see it as a respectable reputation.

And the words that make up sentences that create tales, that I love most of all.

Classics, nostalgic. Never dull even after countless others. Maybe its the smell, maybe its the texture of paper, maybe its the typeface. Or maybe its the stories being told, either way, I always come back.

Lethargic:
Dah nak mati agaknya, asyik penat je. Bangun tidur penat, pergi kelas dah tentu-tentu penat, balik rumah pun penat jugak. Entahlah. Padahal assignments dan kelas belum menimbun lagi. Konon penat, tapi ada hati nak kerja malam-malam after class. InsyaAllah dapat.

Bleak:
Macam dah takde benda yang exciting. Classes are being held in dorm turned classes which I call kelas bodoh. Sebab takde semangat langsung nak study bila masuk bilik tu. Bk 19 n 20 tu bole terima lagi lah. Warna baru, blinds baru, central air conditioner baru, meja best, kerusi best, selesa! Malangnya tak sempat 3 kelas kat situ jadual dah rombak. Dapat balik lecturer 'kesayangan kedua' semua. Aih!

Distress:
Seriously, takde rasa apa2 langsung bila masuk kelas dia. Dahlah 1 subjek research, 4 credit hour. Memang kene strive. Lagi satu subjek event. Which he...entahlah. Thank god Anip's group proposal won the voting. At least I have something to look forward too. Memang support habislah since most of us dah sort of decided with the same theme last semester. Tapi advisor dia, alahai.

Alienation:
I don't like working with him. I seriously don't. This time around tak nak berada di dalam hierarchy tinggi kot. Penatlah. Lagipun dah ada orang yang memang event organiser. Im just going to work for him, make sure i did my part, have a fun successful event and get an A!

Obese:
Rasa nak mengeluh je. Tapi tak elok. Jadi tahankan je lah. Sementara orang lain tengah sibuk2 nak register MUET, im busy being worried about my weight. This is the first time, ever, terasa bila orang tegur dah makin tembam. Usually Im fine with it. Tak kesah pun because masih rasa selesa with my weight and image. Ni dalam gambar pun obvious sangat dah gemuk. Semua sebab balik Semenyih makan sedap2. Hwaaaaa! Pastu start uni orang tegur2 pulak. Hwaaaaaa!

Insecure:
Mungkin senyap dalam kelas tu sebab dah low self esteem kot. Pulak tu sekarang pergi kelas asyik pakai baju kurung je. I feel selekeh in baju kurung because its not made for my body. Was made for me but by Mama's measurements. Therefore they don't feel like me. At all! Ada 2, 3 je yang betul2 selesa. Im a jeans & t-shirt kinda girl plus the occasional vintage dresses. Now with the new rule, my only options are baju kurung or corporate attire. Since I don't own proper corporate attire, baju kurung it is! Which Im not exactly happy about. I miss wearing pants to class! Nak letak tomboy dalam kain hari2, memang lah payah!

Eeeeee semua masalah ni, I blame the heat! Especially for making me sick and tired and comfortable and rasa macam mandi tak basah all the time. Hmph!

Gila rasa cam tak best start of the new semester ni. Hah Mally G, don't get me started! The only thing I can stand about the place are my housemates!

I think i must sworn off guys named Amin.

Why?

Because Z's name is Amin. Witwicky's name is also Amin.

Why?

Because they both gave me false hope when i thought its going to be IT.

Why?

Because it was going on well at first. But it never did happen. Repeatedly. With both Amin.

Why?

Because its never suppose to be them, and yet I fall hard. But its hard to move on.

Why?

Because when Z confessed liking an ex flame, Witwicky took his place.

When Witwicky's flirtatious ways got to my senses, Z took the spot again.

And when Z told me he already introduced his girl to his parents, Witwicky came looking for me again.

Finally, last night when Witwicky's girlfriend declared their relationship, Z eagerly - repeatedly try to seek my attention through conversation.

Why?

Because THAT'S WHY!

I believe I started the day with annoyance relating to the fact that my MUET result was not as good as I expected. I aimed high but managed averaged. I got good advice all the way from Boston though,

We never learn 95% of our life are failures, but we don't even remember.
Only sometime we did good.

Z made his online appearance. I seek solace from him when education makes me jumpy. He's very calming and assuring. As much as I wanted him to be more than a friends I admit he makes a good friend indeed. And the fact that he's been taken since the past 7 month should benefit me in moving on. 7 months, and I just got the conformation today. AFTER i wrote the letter. Great innit! I think I should allow him to slip away from the back of my head. Its unhealthy to keep him there that long. I should make space for other people and stuff. Knowing he's taken doesn't hurt as bad as the first time. No more tears!

Witwicky came into the picture too today. Just before conversation with Z comes to an end. What is it with me and moving on? Sometimes its weird. Its as if something or SOMEONE dont want it to happen. Its like putting the past in my path so that I wont forget or stop trying. This is not Serendipity anymore! This is just cruel. He seems fine. Not as flirty. Able to carry a decent convesation. What I though weird was that we had a video convesation. I don't usually go into all this mengada2 stuff. Somehow, tonight Im in the gedik mode too. Wait, I got 1 word..REBOUND!
He does look good though. So cute with spectacles on, 5 o'clock shade*, his charming smile. Okay, enough! Don't swoon! Not yet at least.

What else? Oh yea, Gadis Bodoh (who should have TM or R for this namesake I give her) have more mutual friends with me now. Not to my liking because it means she can access some of my photos or conversation in my account. But I can use them to stalk her. Muahahhahaha! I like stupid people, they make total fools out of themselves without help from other people. Its like I dont have to poke, I just have to 'accidentally' drop a pin near them and they'll confess to the world. Get my metaphor?

And the final thing that floats today (I mean literally seeing the size and composition of the thing) is none other than a girl from my school who created fake account to bag herself a boyfriend. The guy happens to be Awin's boyfriend. So you should know you messed with the wrong person. Dia gadis jahat kot! Girl, maybe you should learn to accept yourself and not live under another person's shadow. Takde lagi lah dalam sejarah fake account dapat tahan couple bertahun2. Mesti kantoi nye lah.

Budak skolah sekarang dah stereotype sangat. Act like a bitch, they don't act their age, no respect for the older, menyampah lah! Takut mati cepat ke sibuk nak berlagak grown up. Perlease! You may fake your age with make up, you just can't fake your minor head. Live life a little. Sikit pun jadi lah. Untuk korang sedar kepala tu tak matang lagi nak berlagak besar.

* 5 o'clock shade = a term to describe men's beard that are just starting to grow.

Dear Z,

Im going to let my best friends piss off, Im going to allow my close cousins roll their eyes, Im going to make my housemates smirk with their lopsided smile, best of all, Im going to let you know.

I've always thought its going to be you. I want it to be you. I still do.
But the rest is all up to you.

Here's to you. Maybe you can learn and serenade with this just like you did with Banana Pancakes?



[Oh oh! Remy kan R so tak boleh masuk J Fetish but he's actually a Z! Zalimie/Zalimei Ishak, Ill get the spelling right.]

And why wait for new year to start a resolution? Therefore here's why LIST OF THINGS TO DO IN 2010 INSYAALLAH or (LOTTDI2010I).

• Lose weight, just a bit. Enough to feel like old self. Because Semenyih have been really generous on food and calories and sugar and gluttony.
• Ace out the final semester. Nak rasa jugak 4 flat.
• Get accepted to USM or UM if USM rejected you. But not UitM. Never.
  
• Get accepted to NZ uni, think about financial later.
• Renew passport. Come on its RM100 je!
• Travel or ask placement from AISEC.
• Go into theater, or try.
• Meet Remy Ishak up close and personal. Puaskan hati sendiri. (Walaupun bapaku tak approve dia)
• Find someone to take over Speak Out. Hi Eikha! Sihat?
  
• Consult gynae on mestrual situation.
• Stop having celebrity crushes on Remy, Ashme, Josh, Jihu, James, Jason and Shahrukh. Johnny dengan Jessica takpe lagi.
• Learn to wear heels and put on make up.
• Do something about the hair, or else cover it.
• Smile more. At least it can hide your loath towards some people.
• Be neutral.
• Educate stupid people discreetly. They wont admit themselves as stupid.
• Hold your tongue, temper and truth. It may damage more than fix things.
• Start going to live shows again. Well I need the break. Not gigs, but something more low-key and relax.
• Wow, I really have not stepped a toe at gigs since February last year? *Pats on the back* Stay with that resolution.
• Buy more comfortable shoes. Sneakers Nike kene curik. Fav heels hilang, glads seblah kene gogong anjing. Tragic.
• Treat Syaniz, Hani and the kids, plus 'siblings' to an eatery.
• Timah Trip!
• Graduation trip to Bali!
• Backpacking trip! Kenapa I xde trust fund macam anak-anak Mr. Sheffield?