We are all a little weird, and life's a little weird. And when we find someone who's weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness. And we call it Love ♥

• when you realised you never stopped liking what you saw 8 months back.
• when you blush talking about what you liked.
• when you get the attention you wanted but you hold yourself back.
• when you did something supposedly private, in front of peers but it feels just right.
• when you know people are talking about you, still talking about you over the same thing but you just can't care because you're happy for yourself
• when you got a Kodak moment but you ran out of Kodak (metaphorically)
• when opportunity rises but you decided not to take it, simply enjoy the moment
• when you finally heard what you've always know but never want to say it yourself
• when you know. and then ask, then what?

And I'll get hurt. I always end up getting hurt.

Hokay! That's on the side.

This, is my latest Sunday. Spent time from noon to evening attending Adwave's finale at QB Mall with friends.

And then watch the sunset at Batu Maung? or Teluk Tempoyak? Awesome place either way. There's one long jetty, and that's it. Im glad I got the opportunity to discover it.

Sebenarnya banyak nak tulis. Banyak.
Tapi tak boleh. Takde masa, takde rasa, tak percaya pada yang membaca.

I'm not good with comforting words. I'm the sort that say things straight to the point.

When there's no words to speak, I'll just keep quiet.

Because I am emotional. I can cry or burst out my anger when I try to speak.

I'm not good at keeping my emotions to myself.

Its shown on the face.

I'm sad, I'm happy, I'm bored, my angst,

I can't hide it.

Suffian Mikhail left us.

We only have Nur Dhania now.

I do not want to expect, but hoping for Allah to give a chance of survival for her.

A chance for her to be with us.

InsyaAllah.

Semalam lepas dengar news, I was an emotional wreck.
I really want to be home. I want to be there.
Sebab semua orang sama-sama kongsi kekuatan.
Im here alone, nak kongsi dengan siapa?
Rupanya ada. Ada lebih dari 5.
Thanks guys.

Ya called me to give updates. And then later Abah called to let me know what's going on and what they plan to do next. They brought back the baby to Semenyih this morning. He was buried in Semenyih, near home. I heard the funeral went smoothly. And I also got to know about his condition and why he was not strong enough to survive. I'm praying Kak Aishah and Angah are able to accept this strongly. There's no words I can give that can compensate to what they lost. Only doa I can offer.

Sayang, nanti tunggu your parents kat sana ya? We know you are in a better place. We know He have His reasons for taking you too early. We love you the same. You're already a part of us.

Al-Fatihah.

Please pray for our baby girl who is still in ICU. Pray for her health and well being. Thank you.

We lost the baby boy. From pneumonia.
I wish I'm home.
I want to be home with my family.

Al-Fatihah

17 March 2011

Few months back they excite us with the news that they're expecting twins. Then they told us the twins will be a boy and a girl. And then,  yesterday, they shocked us. The babies decided to see the world earlier than expected, by 3 whole months! Kak Aishah had C-Section, and the boy came out first before the girl. Babies are in ICU because they're premature and are really small. Im praying for strength and health for both mummy and babies. As for Angah, praying he will not be gelabah. Keep calm and be cool. You're a dad! Surreal. Congratulations Angah and Kak Aishah! Babies, Wawa can't wait to see you!

18 March 2011

After years of making us play the guessing game, Acu (Abah's youngest brother) finally got married this morning! I really wish I'm there instead of here in Penang. Acu and Mak Cu (adjustment needed to get use to this term. Good adjustment!) I wish you both the best in life and a blessed marriage. I'm really sorry I was not at your nikah to share the happiness and joy. Fret not, I'm still celebrating your day right here in Penang. Thank you Kak Lang and Kak Uda for sending me the pictures. Still, I wish I'm there amongst all of you.

Twins and Mak Cu,

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!

Before I begin, please congratulate me for going through the day without saying or writing I CAN'T THIS RIGHT NOW or I DON'T EVEN, at all! Sannkkk yuuuuu! (okay, yang tu takleh hilang lagi)

The 6 of us (Yonkey, Tangsue, Grobe, Intan and Mini) all speak England instead of English. We are cool like that. So when I got back to KL, I accidentally brought it back with me. And Ya told me that Mama is pissed at my English. Heh. Sorry! I promise speaking England won't effect my English.

My family have an extensive history of speech bloopers. This family in Penang have them as well. But referred as self sabo. Those who self sabo/made a speech bloopers are well aware that those words will be used repeatedly in future. Some are promptly updated on FB status. So bahaya nowadays with technology. Public humiliation on your fingertips.

Wait! I just realised that we don't really use OUR self sabo as catchphrases. Its usually what other people say that we found hilarious that we use repeatedly. Okay like this package of sentence that come from an acquaintance of ours "You flirt", "You guys crap!" and "Sucks lah wey". After we got pass that, we came to catchphrases adapted from Mean Girls (and we are still stuck here btw!) which are the infamous "I can't this right now", "Boo. You whore!" and "I don't even". We really need to move on from this one. Too much already, sucks lah weyh!

Thank God for Grobe's TUKARLAH BOHDOH. Or else we will be repeating those 3 lines from Mean Girls je. Do you remember how it all started? What our first one was? Guess!

It was....





NYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU♥




Pesanan penulis  Harap maaf kepada pembaca yang tidak memahami. Inside jokes kinda hard to explain. You have to be in the inside to understand ;)

Eh nampak tak Serendipity kalerful? Reflection of mood. But still with a dark background. That's just me. Always emo in the core. Hehe.

My current worry? Not being able to sit for exam. That is it.

Pointer drop? I already know I'm average. You are what your efforts put in.

My efforts? Almost none.




Have you ever hate something so much that you couldn't care less?
Yeah, I am that right now.

Tengah cuba bertahan je.
I hate the system so much that I don't want to put in efforts.
Not that I can't, I don't want to.

So end of the sem later, after exams..
When I get my bullcrap results, I'll be fine.

I am not typical enough to blend in with the ___________.

And I have high level of self restraint to be one of the ____________.

Here, I'm ___________ by birth. But ________-less by mentality.

I have a whole other post WITHOUT the censorship. Tapi sebab mentaliti, tak dapat lah nak post. Nanti ada je yang use it against me. Hold grudges or create a certain perception that is soooo far off from the reality. I am so sick of it. SO DAMN SICK.

Tak boleh kan kalau orang lain sikit. Kalau orang stand out sikit. Eh tak boleh! Culture kita memang macam tu. Semua orang kalau boleh nak orang lain selain dirinya jadi katak bawah tempurung. God! Enough is enough.

That's why I will never belong here.

Except with them. Because we go to our own world whenever we're together.

Dan a handful of others yang boleh jadi diri sendiri tanpa perlu jatuhkan orang lain untuk rasa diri mereka lebih baik.

I find it so effing funny that on the surface you ignore me, as if I'm a total stranger.
But secretly, in denial perhaps, you still get yourself updated about me?


I don't want to flatter myself by creating a good impression of this situation.
And I don't want to flatter yourself by creating a place for you in this space.


I made a big space for you once. Before.
You don't want a hint of it. Remember?


I can't this right now =)

If you are in my Facebook list, you'd think I am happy kan? You would have seen pictures of myself and my friends going everywhere around Penang. Really, that's just what I want people to see. You boleh tengok my status and think that I am happy. No. You want real emotions? Read my twitter timeline.

I am dead exhausted. I mengaku, I am a procrastinator. I am bad with time management. I suck at meeting deadline. What's worse is now I don't even care. I am too tired that I don't have time for myself. I dah lama tak membaca for leisure. I balik bilik, I see my laundry tak berlipat. I've actually had worse time. Up until last week, my dirty laundy menggunung bawah meja study. 3 washloads!

Sometimes I skipped classes that doesn't take attendance just so I can sleep. Nak tidur waktu malam? You wish! Kalau belum 4 pagi, jangan harap. And most of the time, its not because of Facebook. No. Nak makan? Kalau kawan-kawan tak ajak, tak pergi. Semester ni tak sampai 5 kali pun makan kat cafe CG agaknya. Padahal itu yang paling dekat dengan bilik. Why? Because I don't go back to my room until its night time. Eating habits sangat haywire. Lately been eating after midnight je. But Im thankful. At least ada yang nak bawak pergi makan.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I takde hati nak stay sini dah. I tak mencuba. That I know. I feel that I don't belong to this place. You know, if you're reading this and you think Im depressed..you should have seen me at my worst. I can't even remember little things. For example, not to lock my room mate outside our room while she is in the toilet. I did that, TWICE! Kesian gila kot. Im sure tiada maaf bagimu bila kali ketiga.

I had finally burst out today. I have never, never let my parents or Timah seen my vulnerability. There are a few people that I go to when I need to break down. I am the type of person people go to when they need to cry. So when I need to cry, there's less than a handful that have seen or heard. Minta maaf kalau ada yang baca dan terasa. But lately everyone seems to be busy with their own life. I rasa gap yang luas for me to go to them and shed tears. It doesn't feel right. So this time around, I made a mistake by going to my parents.

You can cry and talk when you are pouring yourself to friends. But you can never do both at the same time with your parents. Maybe yes after you calm down. But the moment you hear their voice, you grasp their presence, that's it. Pecah! Empangan roboh. I felt so bad that I am being a brat and put them in that difficult situation. But I really really really need just one day to break down, absorb positivity from people who make me feel secure and then Ill be on my way. I need this to recuperate.

There's nothing like family. I need to go back home. Recharge energy. Recharge positivity. Rebuild myself.

* * * * * * *

Speaking of family, you need to understand that when you are away from your family, you got no one else but your friends. Your friends are the closest you have to a family. It took me nearly a year to finally find a family  that I can adopt myself in. Or for them to adopt me. I was never a person who actually belong in any certain group. Not in school, not really in college. You can check and korek my blog and you will see too many different people I am close to, but you can't exactly pin point which is my bestfriend.

Not even Timah. I hold a spot for Timah in my list. But even with them I have had rough patches. I dont know how to put it in words, but I feel that most of the time it is I who make effort to stay in the clique rather than them making sure I still belong. Tambah lagi I jauh sekarang kan? I really hope that's just me. Give them the benefit of doubt lah.

Here, I actually found people that want me to come. They want me to join. Its surreal. And I can see they're not asking me because they terpaksa ajak. They want me around. Do you know how overwhelming that is? How grateful it feels? Im being mushy. I don't care. I'm thankful. I feel blessed.

You know who you are. It might take a while for me to swim with you, but I'm glad I took the dive. I hope there will never come a day for anymore fall out. You guys have lost so much, and I felt your pain every time each of you reminisce. I don't want that to happen to you again. And if it happens to me, with any of you, I DON'T EVEN!

Thank you for having me around. You are my happy pills.

Jalan-jalan Georgetown

Streets of Harmony tour

Temasya Olahraga Tahunan