Jesse McCartney's Just So You Know is a gift for things better left unspoken. Or to tell a person without telling it directly.

Secondhand Serenade's Your Call helps you get over the waiting without feeling sorry for yourself.

Maliq & D'Essential's Untitled is just what you need to reflect, to ponder.

J Rocks's Cobalah Kau Mengerti is something to say out of jealousy.

* * * * * * * * *

Nothing beats writing it on your own though. Since I do not have internet access, I wrote old fashion style. Literally wrote. Using pen and paper. Shocking ey? Hehehehe. I had to! Or else I might lose all my thoughts.

By the way, I am in Kuala Terengganu at Dieyla's house with Cipcip for the semester break! Will be heading to Kuantan from T'ganu. Its been yearssssssssss since Ive been in Terengganu. I plan to enjoy my stay here and snap thousands pictures. Ada cameraman cameragirl okay! Thanks in advance Cip! Dieyla and myself jadi model sepenuh masa. Hehehhehe

Another must-do in my list is to pick up the T'ganu slang. 3 hari pun 3 hari lah. Yang pasti paling kurang dah tahap diploma slanga T'ganu aku bila balik ni.

Hah! Since its the Chinese New Year holiday, rupanya my family semua bersepah bercuti hokayyy! Semenyih clan - the Mondoques, and Syister's family are enjoying themselves at Tiara Beach esort, Port Dickson. While KOTH's family went to BALI! Jealous!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Takpe, Im in Terengganu. And my dad gave clearance to go on my own. Grateful!!!!!

May I tell you that the journey from Penang to Terengganu is 8 hours of back breaking ordeal crossing 5 states (Penang-Kedah-Perak-Kelantan-Terengganu). But I enjoyed it tremendously. Cuaca redup, angin sejuk, tidur sedaaaap!

Sempat singgah photoshoot kat Tasik Banding pulak!

Ni sikit je baru. Tunggu ehhhh, expect gambar yang berlambak =)

I haven't been updating much about my life. Sorry, Juna (now Alba) crashed again. Its now hospitalised, in the hands of VAIO doctors. Hopefully it will come back good as new. Forget my emotional rants for now. Im outside Penang, therefore I am in a better place. Tunggu I balik sana, and I shall be stalcucted again. Tak payah google. Its not a word.

This is waaaaaaaaaaay overdue! Lets go back to December shall we?

My usuals and I planned this because this seems to be the best time for everyone to get together. Ayed was back from UK, Millie was back for the holidays, I was on my semester break, Paden can get off work, and Payan is...was....have always been in KL. So we decided to do something together. Well I arranged it, but everybody agreed. So it was a mutual decision. This time around, Sarathira joined us. And she made a wonderful addition to the gang!

We went to Putrajaya for Water orb! Ayed was the designated driver/ teksi sapu for the day. While all 5 of us took turns changing seats in the MPV. Only Sara and I didn't assume the role of co-pilot on the day.

We only got to know there's only one orb ball after we got there. So we decided to go for the boat ride keliling Tasik Putrajaya first. Its a 20 minutes boat ride on the boat called Dondang Sayang. Hence the post title. The charges is RM20 per person and it can fit 6 person per boat. Just nice for us. It was a simple sight see but we enjoyed it. Sara made a video of our ride. I included it at the end of the post.

Afterwards, we went back to our original plan. The pricing is actually RM20 for 10 minutes. But we managed to strike a deal with the abang-abang who attend the Orb Ball. So its only RM30 for 30minutes. Therefore we go by pairs, and each pair got 10 minutes of slippery, stuffy, sweaty, sticky session in the ball.

It was a real great fun. But damn tiring. I kid you not! Everyone came out from the ball WET! And finally to end the day, we went for a bite to eat at Murni's new branch at Taipan. The whole day was really a mini road trip. I really enjoyed my company. From the Japanese brunch, the boyband karaoke sing along on top of your lungs in the car session, the loooong road to pick up Payan at his house, holding our bladder in the car on the way to Putrajaya, McDonald's in the car, camwhoring, every single thing! I miss the day more now. Until next year my usuals!

I need a new drug. The old one doesn't work anymore. Its no longer injecting positivity.
Aku perlu dadah baru. Yang lama sudah tak berkesan. Ia tak mampu beri suntikan positif lagi.

SATU
This is our hiatus. Its unspoken but its understood.
Keadaan paling tak serasi saat ini. Aku bom jangka masa, kau ombak.
It can't get anymore unpredictable than this. Except maybe the apocalypse.


TWO
Tiada sekelumit rasa mahu kekalkan aku di sini. Langsung tanpa makna aku berjasad di sini.
None of me wants to stay. In this place, there's no sense of belonging.

My mind, my soul flown first. Leaving an empty case to bear the days.






- Seeking reason and meaning to hold on to, this place have failed me.
I have failed myself.
1.51 am

Wakened one night by a curious dream
and a voice that seemed to be speaking to me
like a far-off subterranean stream,
I rose and asked: What do you want from me?

Taken from page 442, Sophie's World. It took me nearly 4 months to finish. Yeah don't judge. You read it, and tell me how long it took you.

Next, I want to find the movie.

Pulang untuk rujuk dengan Juna yang dah cerai talak dua. Juna crashed. Bila dah rosak, baru lah tau cerita sebenar. Juna casing je Vaio. Rupanya all the hardware and software aren't genuine products. Sebab tu lepas 6 bulan dah crashed.

At least its twice longer than my previous relationship. But the situation is quite similar. Lepas dah putus baru tahu cerita sebenar. Baru dapat cerita persona dalaman which apparently sangat jauh dari luaran.

So how do I feel? Betrayed. Same feelings for both relationships. Its as if Juna is a guy secara fizikal, but he's gay. Get it? Okay! Personafikasi terhadap laptopku adalah agak melampau. There'll be changes. Cerai 2 kali takkan nak rujuk kan? Cari lain lah! Isi badan Juna dah diganti. Sebab dah jiwa lain, nama pun kena lain.

I'm still searching for a name. Preferably Sanskrit like Juna was. Hmmm Arjuna had 4 brothers; Nakula, Sahadeva, Yudisthira and Bhima. But I think the second time around, the lappy will be a she. She can be my new new best friend!

Choices? If I were to have a daughter, I want it to be these names:
Layla (night) / Leala (French for faithful)
Raissa (rose)
Nazneen (charming or delicate)
Irsa (Arabic rainbow)
Zia (Arabic for splendor, light)
Yara (Small butterfly or the loved one in Arabic and many other meanings in various languages)

None of it sound like a good match for the lappy. Oh btw, I've kept these name secret for 5 years now. The last time I brought up names for future offspring, it was snatched. Twice! Since its out in the open, its up for grabs! *now that I searched for the meaning again, I think I want it back!*

Sigh. I can't find a good name for it. Something close to me. Something I'll hold dearly.

Hmmm..the girls I'm affectionated to right now are Sophie & Hilde from Sophie's World. Female philosophers? Taknak lah! One is a nun and another is an existentialist.

Audrey for Audrey Niffenegger? Henry the Time Traveller? Male! Clare, the Time Traveller's Wife? Not exactly right.

HOMAIGOD! Perfect! She will be Alba. After Alba de Tremble, the Time Traveller's daughter! Alba means white fortress. Too great, my lappy is white too. Let's hope it'll be a strong fortress and will not crash again.

Guess who else is Alba? You got that right!


Well hello my favourite girl! *cue Justin Bieber's My Favorite Girl*

Change is hard. Initiating to change is hard. Wanting to change is hard. Making changes is the hardest.

But I want to change. I need to. I must.

I spend most of my thoughts thinking about changing. And I wake up every morning thinking 'this is the day!'

The sad truth is it can never be the day until I make an effort. Tak cukup sekadar mahu dari hati. Belum cukup juga hanya dari tutur lidah. Perlu ada anggota yang bergerak untuk memaksa perubahan.

I have made one change for myself last year. But just that, is not good enough. I may have covered myself, but Im still struggling to perfect my 5 prayers per day. Solat, tiang agama. My pillars tak cukup. The foundation is not strong enough.

I'm scared of what I can be if I don't make changes now. Makin runtuh apa yang ada, mungkin. Mintak dijauhkan. Kalau diikutkan, aku sama saja bogel dengan mereka yang belum bertudung tapi solat penuh 5 waktu. Tak lengkap.

Bezanya satu bogel lahiriah. Satu lagi bogel rohani.

Di sini, aku mengaku sedang telanjangkan diri cerita perihal imperfection sendiri. Biarlah. Paling kurang aku malu sendiri. Sedar diri. Biar nampak perlu ada yang diubah.

Seize the day, Hani. Masih ada lagi hari. Jangan tunggu sehingga dari Barat terbit mentari.