I rasa I dah cukup confidence to announce that our Warna dinner yang tak jadi last semester will be given a breath of fresh air and....... poof! Jadilah kokocrunch!

Nah. Even better better than that. We are bringing the 50's back to the future. Say hello to kebaya sendat and vintage dresses. Say swing swing. Lets twist!

InsyaAllah it will take place end of next month. We'll welcome the final exam with a bang and leave with a boom.

Its a party baby! And everyone is invited. Well except some degree sem 1 students. But if they want to come and willing to pay, then they're invited too! We like money. And we'll try to like you.

Im hopeful. Hello I want an A. And hello we ought to distress ourselves 1 last time. I'll keep you posted =)

Takkan ku menyerah kalah, walau mimpiku musnah, harapanku hancur, sayapku patah.
Kanku pancarkan cahaya seperti pelita, ke serata dunia.

Pelita by LoQue for Hooperz.


There is someone named Arjuna. There was also a little boy named Arjuna I met at Layar Tanchap once.

Arjuna is a muse. Arjuna made me feel hopeful. Those powerful lyric almost reflected the hope Arjuna gives. Arjuna is a nobody. Arjuna is everybody. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. And Arjuna is always there.

Arjuna next to me taking each step. Arjuna behind me to see me walk, to catch me if I fall. Arjuna leading me, showing me, guiding me. Arjuna in the dark, just being there.

Arjuna is secret. He's not here. But I'll wait. Arjuna is a public figure. I've seen him, you have too. He'll be here one day, for all to see. To be lighted by the lamp he brought.

Until that day comes, Arjuna, I'll wait. With my pulse, with my hope.

Last week was hell of a week. Its back to back roaring 'discussions' with the lecturer, the classmates, the groupmates and even unwanted discussion with the first semester degree students.

Monday, after event management class we all decided to discuss and finalize what we should do for our event management project. That was when it all happened. The shouting, the accusations, the mocking, you name it, it all happened there and then. It wasn't fair for some, but almost everyone was consumed by hopelessness and anger. It cant be avoided. Thank God, at the end of the day everybody kissed and made up. Not literally.

It was the same day that Puan Gina were to fly off to Adelaide. We are sorry that none of us came to send you off Puan. And I promised to write a blog post for you. This is not it. My blog is simply to ugly or me to write things on. I'll tweak it first and then write some more. Hope you are doing fine there.

So on Tuesday was our Student Project & Evaluation Proposal Presentation. Let me just get 1 simple thing out first. Never in my life have I met more unethical and unprofessional organizers such as those who were our organizers. I think my juniors in school would make better preparation than them. Okay, I admit my classmates and I aren't exactly great too in cooperating with you guys. But hey, please realized that its not your place to judge if we are not committed with our work and it is so rude for you to bomb us with your accusations questions before the programme starts.

And what was that that we heard? Korang degree students? Kitorang patut rasa apa yang korang buat?

I shut my mouth while all those are being said because I don't want to make things bigger. My classmates are at boiling point already and if I said but 1 word I'm sure the arguments wont stop. Thank us that we don't retaliate. Keep yourself grounded for the second presentation because honey, its not just us. Our juniors, your 'juniors' find you people annoying too. Especially Miss M.C. You set very good first impression to them. We don't have to talk bad about you because you showed it yourself.

Oh yeah, last year we handled 3 classes. That's around 30 groups of students, 3 sessions, 2 days and 7 lecturers. And yeah, no body complained.

So, what does it all got to do with visual literacy? My blog template is ugly. I don't want to write on it. What more for people to come and read it.

Well, we judge based on what we see. Faham-faham kan lah.

Sedih bila u check out a cute guy, but he is checking out your male friend next to you.

Sedih bila you're the last one to know and you got to know it from orang jauh.

Sedih bila semua orang tgh makan gula2 dlm kelas pastu bila u mintak, dah habis.

Sedih bila semua orang gelak-gelak but you don't know the inside joke.

Sedih bila attempt nak masak dinner tak menjadi lepas tercelup jari masa goreng popiah.

Sedih bila kawan rapat dah tak rapat and you don't know how it fell apart.

Sedih bila kawab-kawan selalu cari you. but not for the reasons you want them too.

Sedih bila you rasa sangat marah dengan your bestfriends and you let it all out, rupanya dorang tak faham pun you tengah marah. Siap boleh update about themselves pulak.

This one is especially for you. I don't know if you still read me but if you do, I just want you to know Im keeping myself at a gap. For tbe professional boundary. But I miss you, as a friend. And this saddens me most of all.

Mungkin ramai tak tahu perwatakan luaran itu sangat bertentangan dengan sifat dalaman seseorang. If you know someone who is jovial, bubbly, gila-gila, loud, a social butterfly it seems, then you should know orang itu orang yang most likely to have inferiority complex.

Bukan saja-saja keluarkan statement. Maybe aku belum buat research yang boleh jadi bukti kukuh untuk back up statement. Tapi rata-rata orang keliling (myself included) fit the pattern.

The point of the matter is, I may be the big fish in the pond. But I am easily breakable as anyone else. I am everyone else.

I got my ups and down. I got my high times and low tides. I may put on a brave face but inside, might be broken in multiple places.

I can be that pessimist person with an empty cup. I'm Smarties without the sugar coating. Heck! I've been all that the past few weeks. Im not gonna be that anymore.

Im going to fill my cup, get a glass and also a mug. Im going to see everything sunny side up! Why? Because my id, ego and super ego have been boosted.

Im not in the painful menstrual cycle anymore. Im not down with 7 type of sickness which needs medication of multiple sizes and colours. I have friends, I still do! I may not live with them anymore, but they're still the same. And some are at the other end of the world, but they still make time for me.

Babes, you guys are my sugar coating. Thank you for giving me strenght to be myself again. Love you.

I am not brilliant. Far from it. I am just decent. And I am angry. I am pissed. I am annoyed.

What do you make of too much expectations? I'm not sure if I deserve that much of it anyways.

I do want to study abroad. I know I can make it happen. I believe Im able to survive living and studying outside Malaysia. But I see obstacles.

I've not completed my diploma yet.
Its bloody hard to get course outline for the subjects I've taken.
To apply uni abroad there's a requirement of English tests such as TOEFL or IELTS, which I have neither.
To study in the US, there's a possibility that I have to take SAT and score more than 700. 770 for Ivy League.
There are people who think I should try Ivy League universities. Try I can, get into one of it will be remarkable.
I am, right now, insecure, unsure, clueless. If you can penetrate that and tell me everything I need to know regarding applying abroad, please do. I want assuarance and not just sweet talks.
Some people made it sound so easy. But I've had first hand experience as told by my friend.

Let me share with you why I am insecure, unsure and almost always get depress when this subject arise.

My ex classmate in school have always been a straight A student. Excel in extra curicullar. She's from a well of family, who can afford monthly trip to UK if they want and she was also our measurement point. If any of us can get into the top notch universities, it will be her.

So she did try. Only on her second attempt she managed to apply for the Ivy League. Because the first time, her SAT score was not good enough.

May I add something else that contribute to my inferiority? I am not in any position of stable financial to ensure smooth progress for my application. I have 4 bank accounts and accumulative total of less than rm400. To go for the english test it is rm200 each. And they will be the one who send my score to the respective uni i'm applying. Which they will charge each time. To apply, require money for processing fees too. I don't have that. My CV is quite empty now. I need to gain experience of some sort first to build strong application.

Try to be in my shoes. I want it as bad as any other person. Don't pressure me. A little push will be good. But a lot of help will be great. Get me out of this worrisome state first.

P/s: condemning doesn't help or give benefit to any party at all. Even if what you say is true.

P/s2: yes, i am scared of my own shadow. And no thank you. I am perfectly capable of bursting my own bubble.

Footnote: right now, let me finish what im doing. Let me get my diploma. After that, i'll focus on getting what i want.

When there are no words to be written, to be spoken, there are songs.

What should I update about myself?

Sigh.

True to what I said, the first time I deposit my resume, I got 4 calls in the span of 4 weeks. Now, I got 1 only. As the graduation date comes near, chances got lesser. May be there wouldn't be any when I graduate.

Now for date counts:
17months since last time.
11months since I last see Nana.
9months gap between menstrual. Finally!
8months till I turn 21. Mana accomplishment?
5months for degree admition abroad.
4months for degree programs here.
3months to take Mercilon.
2months to graduation.
1month to class event.

What if in between those dates, my death have already been set?

Bye friends. Just promise me you'll send me for my farewell.