Hi Adik.
Im with you right now, at the hospital. Its just us. But I miss you.

I miss your smile. I miss your laugh. I miss you gripping my finger when I put it in your hands. I miss your movemenf.

You use to turn your head to the direction where I am. You will seek for someone you know when you feel alone. You used to be alert when you hear our voices. You dont anymore.

Adik, you dont turn your head towards me when I call your name. You dont smile when I sing to you. Nothing at all.

There's no sparkle in your eyes. Are you in pain adik? Do you not know me? Dont you remember me?

I remember once I called you and sing the birthday song for you. When I didnt hear you laughing or making any sound at all, my heart breaks. I cried after hanging up the phone.

This time, you're right in front of me when I sing to you. And there's no recognition in your eyes. I forced myself not to tear up many times Adik. This is a really trying time for us, but we'll make it through. InsyaAllah.

Get well soon sayang. I miss you.
Love, Kakak.

I don't know where to start. I don't know how to explain.
The time it all happened.
Us rushing to the clinic and hospital.
The car ride that felt like the longest.
The long wait at ER.
The first time I get to see him after waiting for hours.
Him in the ICU. Tak tahu.

Adik is currently in ICU at Ampang Hospital. He had seizure 2 nights back. It was sudden. Usually we will just wait for his fits to subside. But that morning it didn't. Instead, it didn't stop. After a few times sawan nonstop (only with few minutes gaps) his temperature escalated. So we went to the clinic and get fever medication for him. But the fits attack still didn't stop.

That car ride was terrible. Roads were clear, we know where we are going. But the distance seems so far away. And Adik's heavy breathing scared us. Abah actually have accepted the fate if he were to go during the journey, in the car, only 4 of us.

Nasib baik we got the medical assistance he needed. They held him for hours at the ER's red zone. Running check ups for him, monitoring him, waiting for his seizure to stop. The medication didn't help at first. Even under medication, half conscious, he's still having fits. 4am to 2pm. 8 hours. Imagine that.

They finally moved him to ICU after that. The first time I get to see him, with wires, tubes and machines surrounding him...I can't hold it. But I know he's under good hands. During the fits, oxygen did not reach his brain. So more brain cells are found to be dead, adding to his already damaged brain. The fluids in his stomach including gastric juice went to his lungs. Suffocating him. His blood pressure went down, very low and at a very dangerous rate.

The ultimatum that the doctors gave was to put tube into him to suck out the fluids from his lungs so he can breath properly again with the risk of the medication given to him to assist the procedure bringing down his blood pressure lower and his whole body shutting down OR let him drown.

Thankfully he survived the procedure and is still fighting. He's machine supported for oxygen, being fed through the tubes, under various medication but we are grateful he's getting the attention he needs. InsyaAllah everything will be okay.

I try not to think of the bad things that might happen. Blocking it out. If any of you know me enough, you'll know I'm an emotional person. I cry watching sad TVCs. But I refuse to be as emotional while facing this. Mama and Abah broke down few times already. I don't want to trigger it. After all, we have so much love, support and generousity of others to doa for Adik. We'll pull through. InsyaAllah.

Thank you for your prayers and sharing our hard time with you. Thank you. We only have appreciation and gratitude to give back. We ask for Allah to return your kindness. Thank You.

Taman Keramat Permai. Sering Ukay. Kampung Warisan. Teratak Murni. Unisel. Nuh's Ark. Quan Ice-Cream. SBU. White House. Sushi restaurant. Milly's House. Pawagam. Lya's crib. Darul Hani. Kubang Buaya. Home.

Kami join event ni tahun lalu. Wakil USM. Kena bangun awal pagi bertolak pergi site kat Balik Pulau. But it was so much fun, missing some snooze time was totally worth it. The event, Mangrove Tree Plantation Day was organised by Comm students of KDU Penang.

I didnt update it last year sebab tu musim busy. Early December. I had to handle the participants from USM, so lagi serabut lah kan. And since we were required to be in the mud, I left my camera to the people who didnt went in. Jadi tak banyak gambar, tunggu orang lain upload. Dan sebulan setengah kemudian baru I tengok the pics.

They told us big sized people lagi susah nak tenggelam sebab lebih lebar. And if we're sinking, we ahould sit. Boy was that true or what! I might not be one of those big sized people after all. Sebab lepas beberapa langkah, STUCK! So I sat. And my butt was sucked in further!

I think I duduk situ dekat satu jam. Tengok dan gelakkan orang lain yang panik dan susah payah try nak keluar. Tengok dan terkena mud war. Gelakkan orang nangis sebab lekat and rasa macam ada ular lalu. Hihihihi. It was enjoyable. I guess I susah nak keluar actually sebab I was too comfortable sitting there.

Last-last tak tanam pokok pun. Tanam diri je. And I stripped my pants bila dah dapat keluar from the mud. It was too heavy to drag out. And becoming a burden to me. (I was wearing a pair of tights coz I foresee my pants terlucut in the mud)

Would love to do this again!

HELLO 2012! Nice to see you.

I had a week of holiday (referred as study week in the academic calendar) which I fully utilise - not studying.  During the week, 2 cousins and 2 friends got married. So it was a week full of kenduri. And also one kenduri doa selamat for Abang Ben and Kak Hazy's new place.

As stated on previous post, everyday in 2011 was memorable albeit I can't recall what happened first half of the year. For this year, the first day have got to be the most memorable...yet!

My New Year's Eve was spent surrounded by ze boys and a few of us girls at Shanaz's house. We had an in-house BBQ party. Played charades, and when the clock strike 12... only Eikha semangat enough to shout Happy New Year! Everyone else was like yeaaa ok. And buntut pun malas bergerak from our seats to watch the fireworks. Not that we can see it that much pun, it was blocked by a big tree outside the house.

There were many people, but not many pictures. Mainly because we couldn't be bothered to pegang camera or pose for shots. So ni jelah yang ada.

Too much laughters! And next day, semua hyper berdiskusi on twitter pulak. Aih. Crack!