Is everyday. Even the hardest of days. Because it made the next day or the day before seems better in comparison. I actually don't remember much of 2011. It is as if it zoomed in and out like The Flash. Everything that happened have been great.

4 cousins and an uncle got married this year. Few friends had babies. One of my best friend got hitched. Then there's also graduations and great results for friends, cousins, nieces and nephews who took big exams.

I've been happy. Friends doubled no, tripled. Some of the old ones left, some stayed on and became almost family. All of them became the reason I can't wait to be back in KL. They're my home. And because I still havent found the one Ill miss more than the people in KL. But really, u cant miss anyone or anywhere more than home.

2011. The year I spent least time in Semenyih. That gotta change next year. It must. What else must change? Me. For the better. Ive been struggling to make myself a better Muslim. I have to do that in order to become a better person. I see that slowly changing in me. Because this year, Ive been told off for being too positive and too forgiving. Am I not a realist anymore but now an optimist? I cant tell it myself.

This year, my thank you list extended. I have a really big family, so its quite tough to list down everyone. Im just grateful to be born in this family thats so full of love and care for each other.

As for my friends, thank you for being reliable, my BFFs: Milly, Nana, Liea, Emon, Jaja, Ema.

To the gangs I occasionally join, thank you for having me Usuals, BBPs, Timah, KIKI, AUSM, ze boys.

Thank you for the car rides and night outs Enor, Arip, Shanaz, Shah, Nabil, and the rest.

Penang people! Thank you for fun times and the friendship and all the help you are willing to give Ain, Kimi, Lii Jing, Syafiq, Reza, Fly, Ciara, Muncheekins, Ben, YuHeng, Eugene, Cassie, (macamlah korang baca).

And finally, thank you for your existence! Having you as my main interest and escapism have helped me go through a lot. Kamsahamnida Running Man! Taecyeon, Chansung, Wooyoung, Nickhun, Junsu, Junho. Saranghae 2PM!

(You dont expect that in my Thank You list dont you? How can I not thank them?!)

2011, that you for all the great times! I almost cant remember any bad moments. I really must have turned into an optimist. Ish ishh...

Have a great new year everyone! See you tomorrow 2012!

Not too long back Mak Long gave me a bracelet, on one of the charms "Believe In Love" is written. I smiled reading that. It gave a warm happy feeling. And I told myself, continue. You never stopped believing before.

I believe in love, in marriage, in soulmate, in marital bliss. But not courtship. The boyfriend-girlfriend thing, I dont believe that.

You may say I'm a free spirited person, I don't want to be tied down. Say all you need. Its only half true.

Its not a definite NO. Its a temporary no until I find reasons to change it to eternal yes.

I am so ready to let go.
If it is a trend here, i would have.
If people can accept it, I definitely will.
If my family will still support me afterwards, I'll do it.

But I'm no Gates nor Zuckerberg. I can't do just that.
I don't have the money to be a drop out and venture on my own.
I don't even want to set high expectations on myself.

Boleh tak, habis degree nanti taknak kerja all those high flying work.
Tak nak. Dah tak teringin. I just want to do something I'll enjoy and love so its not a burden to me and I can be content with my simple life.

For now...Im just hoping this will end well. InsyaAllah.
Please Allah. Not for me. But for the rest around me.

Berbulan-bulan, akhirnya datang lagi.
Tak sangka pun akan sampai semula ke sini.
Jangkakan dah berhenti, tapi....



Again, I'm officially missing Z.

I know this is sad.
Almost too sad to be written or read.
But I think I'm sucked in this 2PM fandom a bit too much already.
So I need this to be written for myself.
To snap back to reality.

How can I miss them boys so much not even 24 hours after attending their concert?
Oh yeah, I lost my voice about a week because of their Hands Up concert. No kidding.

But really. Taecyeon is just too damn real!
I always think he looks like someone I know.
He speaks like someone I've spoken to.
He acts like someone I'm so used to spend time with.
He's real, but I've only watched him on screen (and only one time live).

Why is he so real to me?
The other 5 doesn't seem to have the same effect.
Just him.

WHY?

Kadang-kadang I think i need the insecurities that other girls have. The feelings that theyre ugly and fat. I think i need to have that. Im just too confident and comfortable in my own skin that I dont feel the need to change physically.

Tapi Im never embarassed if people think Im not pretty or I dont dress well. Because I know Im not ugly. I lagi malu dipandang bodoh. Cantik is a plus. Bukan key selling point. Thats how I see it.

Some guys kadang-kadang tak faham that they cant get girls bukan sebab they are not good looking. Its how u carry yourself boys. Muka hensem tapi perangai fail takleh jugak derrrrr.

Of course it had to be

2PM!

Tak cukup lagi ke boys from school dah panggil Fa? Ishk!

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

This made my 22nd birthday better. Balanced out the emo-ness.

Tangsue, Grobuela and Fly ambushed me in my room at 7PM with a box of treats and a loud rendition of Happy Birthday. You know what's my first reaction when they came in? 

"KIPAS! Tutup kipas!"  -___________-'

Yeah that. Because I don't want the wind to put out the candle. I should do that!

This is my penguin named Rashid - a gift from Kimi and Lii Jing! Super cute kan? They remembered how much I liked it and got it for me! The fish hanging on Rashid's neck is Sidek, his makanan from Ain. Why Rashid and Sidek? Because Lii Jing bumped into Rashid SIdek when she was getting the penguin for me. And she was super excited! Hihihihi

And this, is what that can make my birthday...DAEBAK!

THANK YOU EVERYONE!

Ainul

Emy

Syida

Kimi

Lii Jing

Ain

Tangsue

Grobe

Fly

Mini

and thank you for all the well wishes I received on FB, twitter and through phone.

I switched on WhatsApp and send this to her.

Bebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebe

Sebab I malas.

And this one is from the Cameron trip