Im going to be really honest in this post. I think I haven't been writing enough cat out of the bag posts lately.

Let me tell you the story about my decision to don the hijab. The decision wasn't abrupt, I have thought about covering myself for a while prior to actually doing it. I didnt grow up dressing skimpy sexy or very revealing. I do have the occasional shorts, really short shorts, but never sleeveless. Although I did have the experience of wearing low cut tops.

Anyway! The time I decided to cover my hair was in my first year at USM. We had a 2 weeks break for Eid, and I just decided to grab the shawl and head to the airport. No one said anything but Im sure Mama and Abah secretly screamed Alhamdulillah.

The journey to the change was well received. I didn't had any weird questions. But I remember for a week I had adoring looks from many different people I know and dont. Looking back, I believe I made the right choice.

Especially because things started to get harder from there. My challenge was never about the need to show my hair again. It was about being modest in terms of character. I have never been the poise, demure type. Im loud, I like having fun, I laugh the loudest and Im always agreeable to nights out or a lepak session. I had a fair share of that back in Penang. I go places. I do things unlady-like, and obviously not portraying a modest, covered, Muslim woman at all. I want to leave all that in Penang.

But, I live in KL. Where most people say they become culture shock. I became culture shocked in Penang. Hahahaha. So those things never really left me. Now I work in the events line. I joined the bigger league. Upgraded. Bigger, older, more experienced players.

And they see right through. I was told by one that I recently hang out with. "Hani, you got into the wrong department. Yes, you may be able to do the work. But its not you. Bukan jiwa kau. You like working with the boys. You are aggressive. And I can definitely picture you with yellow boots commanding everyone."

Damn. Maybe he's right.

I believe in chances, but sometimes I don't believe myself. I know I am able to do the work, but what I know more is that I will not be able to decline temptations long term. The other side of work means another type of leisure. One that is attractive but not always right.

In that case, I put my faith in God. And this piece of cloth on my head. To remind myself. And to restraint my actions. InsyaAllah.

And I now ask myself. He who you thought will be for you, will end up with you, will always just be there, is speaking of marriage.
To the next girl he falls in love with.
So what do you do? Wait for that feelings to come?
Falling instantly in love doesnt happen to everyone.
The magnetic pull attract only a certain.
And realising you've been in love with that person all these years, .............

Hwaa, deep.

Hello hi!

This pemalas person have been too malas to blog of late because

1. I dont go online using my laptop anymore, now its just phone and iPad and its no fun to write without a proper keyboard kan?
2. I write on Twitter? (can that pass as a reason?)
3. There's too much that happened but not really blog worthy.
4. Nah, I just don't feel sharing. Life is content when you dont try to seek that much attention anymore.

In a nutshell, I would have to agree with Pakchaq when he once said that blog tempat orang cari perhatian,

So anyway! This post is to explain where, how, and why Wallpak is being used by E, Ya and I.

Terasa terpanggil nak explain when E blogged about it here.

In USM, I am close to Kimi and Syafiq. One time we went out with their mutual friend Jali. Kimi and Jali are from Kelantan and they have a friend with an unsignificant name I cannot remember. That friend will blurt WALLPAK! When he is angry or mad at something. We don't know what it means. Even Kimi and Jali do not know, they just laughed at him.

So Kimi, Jali, Syafiq and I assumed that Wallpak is the friend's version of WTF. Get it? Doesnt't it sound similar and almost had the same effect?

And since that night I decided I want to use Wallpak instead of using WTF too. More sopan since its not actually cussing. Heh heh heh.

THE END

Nur Dhaniah,
When your abang Sufian Mikhail left, Wawa was in Penang.
I regret I did not manage to meet him.
But I met you. And loved you.

Baby D,
I am sorry I did not spend enough time with you.
To get to know you.
To play with you.
But indeed, I love you.

Lil Star,
The Maker loves you more.
Be happy with your brother in heaven.
We will still love you. Both of you.

Pinkcess,
We will see you again.
That is certain.
For now, our love and prayers accompany you.
To heaven.

Al-Fatihah.

I realised that I haven't posted any 13++ list for over a year. I got busy with many things. Among the most prominent one is Adwave's STRIP. Time tu banyak 13++ list boleh buat sebenarnya.
Since Im not THAT active to rant anymore, I guess 13++ list are the only type of posts I will do after this.

Maybe I should list down (list lagi!) few lists that I would want to do next.
1. My WhatsApp groups slash my various gangs.
2. The places we went and people we met during our whirlwind 24hrs in Penang.
3. OK. I have nothing in my head. Nanti Ill think of something.

The sudden urge for me to blog is actually because I was thinking. Why is it so hard for me to like a person? And when I do, he doesnt feel the same. End up we become friends and I know too much bout him I end up not liking him dah.

And then comes this other breed of men who pursue persistently but are not actually available to be accepted. Great innit?

Finally, there's this bestfriend who sends random awkward messages. To matchmake you. Cringes!
Ok. That is all. (I tried my best to write in a manner that wont present myself as a desperate spinster. Because I'm not. Yet.)