I think this song fits me well. I think lah.
I'm not saying the lyrics reflect my current situation, maybe adalah tempias kot.
Not really sure if this is directed to anyone in particular, mungkin adalah kot.

Katy Perry's I Think I'm Ready

Thank you for introducing this song, Grooveshark!

So I'm having my internship at Bates 141 Malaysia right now. Uploaded the picture on my second day but writing this on my forth day. Experience so far? So-so. Im not THAT busy. Because I still have time to FB, tweet, tumblr and surf the internet. Everyone else seems to be idle too.

My first day was not satisfying for me. I didnt get proper introduction to the people, had to learn their name and faces as I go. I didnt get the background details of Bates 141, their nature and their clients. But I have to applaud them for their fast action. They gave me my own station to work at, plus a computer. And I was also given my own email, network access ID and password to most of the things we are using (such as machines and online account).

On the second day, the office manager hooked up the telephone line for me. I was pretty excited to be getting my own direct line! Heh. And I also got access card to enter the office. Thus the picture! Enthusiastic much?

My work as of now is simple stuff, like burning the CDs for client's reference. Research some stuff for the creative director to pitch to client and also gather advertisements of competitors for comparison. Other things are even more tedious stuff like photocopying job requisitions and circulate it for the people listed in it and filing of memos and account billings.

I really like the office space, its so comfortable! My first impression, warm and cosy. We have a coffee machine that is turning me into an avid coffee drinker. A red sofa where people have formal meeting in the most unformal way AND a day bed! I wouldnt mind staying late. Or even living there. There's a mini fridge, a microwave, pantry area that looks like a bar. Oh yeah and a TV. Not enough? Get this, there's a shower and a small room next to it which is the surau but can easily jadi tempat tidur kalau dah tak larat sangat. Cukup lengkap tak?

As for the people and the experience, lets just say I have high hopes for the place. Hope for them
(and myself) to warm up soon. As of now, Im the only intern. 2 more are expected to join us next week. Pleaseeee God, let them be some cool people I can get along with. Thank you!

P/s: Monday morning, received an email invitation from the branch manager. The whole office is invited for after dinner drinking session to welcome 3 new staff and to bid farewell to 3 other who are leaving. I guess that's how they roll!

This is my niece, Aryanna Arwen Johanabas. One of the youngest in the family, definitely the wittiest and cutest thing everrrrrrrr! Semalam went for dinner courtesy of her parents, Abang Ayis and Kak Lisha and got to meet this little princess! Geram gila okay. Mula-mula sepperti biasa lah she started of being the NO girl that she is. Then warmed up to me when I told her there's a book in the back seat of the car next to me. She showed me the pictures in the pages, and on one particular page she smirked and told me "Arwen makan ni",  while pointing a small part of the page that was torn. So cute, I don't even!

Babies don't really like me. Since Arwen is moving to the toddler stage, I guess that's why suddenly she wants to play with me. Its a bit weird for me that she was the one who initiated the simple games like 'stealing' my hand, or asking me to hug her when the car swerve to left or right, and holding my hand to keep me safe during the journey.

She used to call me Aunty Fa, but yesterday she kept calling me Aunty Ya. Got mixed up to my cousin Ya. When we correct her, she call me by a new name. Aunty Far. And we can hear the emphasist on the R. Hehehehe geraaammm! That's not even the best thing yet.

After dropping me off, Abang Ayis told me that Arwen said to Kak Lisha, "Arwen sad Mama. Arwen not happy." Because I was gone! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh can be cuter or not!!!! And I thought I couldn't love her more!

Kita mula dengan cerita Abah talking in his sleep. Last night at about 2 A.M. while I was watching How I Met Your Mother, I heard Abah talking. But he was sleeping! Couldn't really hear what he was saying but he sounded formal. Turns out he was teaching silat in his sleep! Step 3. Damn kelakar. Gelak guling-guling pagi buta. AIh. Padahal tak sampai seminggu pun lagi dia start mengajar semula.

Petang tadi I got like 3 missed calls of unknown number. And that person left me 3 voice mails. So I check and 2 were of him saying 'hello?' but the last one (which I checked first) was of him playing a guitar. It was a real sweet gesture. If only I know who it was and if he really was playing it for me. Just my luck! Wrote it on twitter and Anteyna guessed Z? I doubt it! He's at work. Rajin pulak kan? Dahlah ni musim dia tak berapa nak wujud. Wished it was him though, ehe!

Semalam Hammy put on her status Jazz Hayat's I Stalk Your Profile and tonight baru I watch it on YouTube. I'm hooked! Boleh comel lagi tak? And tersangat benar dan jujur liriknya. Nah!

And then this girl did a cover of it. And also a comeback titled Don't Stalk My Profile. The girl on the right is Putri Norizah. Good voice no? Turns out she's the daughter of Ibnor Riza. Well, its in her blood.

Paling I semangat nak tunjuk. The cutest phone evaaaahhh! If its a person, I'll adopt it. Z and I were talking bout phones yang berteknologi tinggi tapi menyusahkan hidup bila terpaksa reformat dan hilang all contacts like his BB. Or like mine which do not display the caller's name eventhough its already saved in the phone book. So he suggested John's Phone!

Tengok eh comel gila. Keypad bulat-bulat. Pastu yang orang kecik kat hujung tu macam penguin. GERAM!

Pastu number phone keluar kat buntut. Kau boleh comel lagi tak!!!

Phone ni boleh call in and out je. Numbers store in SIM Card. No other functions. SMS pun takde. Pastu nak store numbers semua tulis sendiri pakai pen dan macam kertas  khas tu eh. Simpan.

Tapi phone ni boleh main game. Tic-Tac-Toe belakang tempat tulis number phones tu. Funny! And it comes in a few other colour. Yang ni black and pink.

Geram. Saya nak!

I think I am ready to talk about a few things I've kept hidden from people. See, I'm not the sort who keeps things from people I'm close to. I'm not secretive, but I'm not exactly a blurter too. I like to share myself to people so that in return they will open up and share themselves too. Its not to make myself vulnerable but to narrow the existing gap.

Back in 2010 after diploma ended, my parents and I planned to send me to New Zealand for my degree. I've always wanted to go back to New Zealand and coming back as a student will be a great opportunity. But after consultation, we agreed that NZ is not the best option. So we applied to Monash and UniSA in Australia instead. The former in Gippsland near Melbourne and the latter in Adelaide. (I had to check my offer letter because I forgot where I was offered. FAIL!) And I got accepted to both! Alhamdulillah.

After credit exemptions from my diploma, Monash offered me 1.5 years of studies for Bachelor of Arts (Professional Communication) with annual fees of AUD 21,000. While UniSA offered 2 years for their Bachelor of Arts (Communication and Media) programme with annual fee of ...... Since Monash is better ranked, we opted to go to Monash.

Money doesn't come easy for us. Because of that, I applied for the intake in February 2011 instead of going for the July 2010 intake (I graduated diploma on May 2010). We thought that we can buy time and try getting scholarships or study loan to fund my studies. Lets face it, the fees is already expensive as it is. And currently AUD $1 is equivalent to RM3.50, which made it even more expensive. Furthermore, there's not many organization that's willing to give out scholarships for programmes abroad. What more in the Communication field. Eventhough the source is limited, I did try. We tried. I applied for Maxis, Khazanah and MAHB. I didn't get the chance to apply from Astro though because it was not open. Still is not open.

My offer expires on 31st May. Its already 9th May. And I didn't get any good feedbacks. So I guess this is it. Surprisingly for something I really wanted for the past 1 year, I'm not crushed. I don't feel sad at all. Im feeling alright. I know there must be something that Allah has replace it with. I got a good guess of what those things are, but I'm not sure if my guesses is right. But where I am right now, I feel that my guesses is right. They give me the right feeling, right vibes, they're just right.

I told Mama and Kak Ngah, if I am able to go to Australia for my degree then my studies shall stop at that level. I'll focus on work and building a family next. But if the opportunity is not there, then I'll try it again at Masters level. I guess Allah wants me to work harder, to try harder. And so shall it be.

There's a lot of family members who are rooting for me to fly off. So many of them who share my happiness when the chance arises, so many who were proud with the news, so many who put hopes on me. I regret that all that can no longer be expectations of any. But I'm so glad that I'll be around. I will be here for gatherings, for Hari Raya, for family days, for birthdays, for weekends in Semenyih with Toto and Neni, for Feed Me Weekends with cousins who mostly are marrying off. For weddings, for Adik, for Abah and Mama, for makan-makan, for Ramadhan in Malaysia, and for people who want me around. I'm thankful that I can and will be able to join in. Not just see it get updated on Twitter or FB.

As for my other family, my friends... I'll still be around. USM was actually my Plan B. A place I will fall back to if the OZ plan did not fall through. So now, USM is my only plan. And I only have a year left there so I shall persevere the heat and the stress! The only 3 person I actually told about leaving for Australia was Yonkey, Tangsue, and Lii Jing. Yonkey seems fine with it. As for Tangsue and Lii Jing, they both got teary-eyed. And I was too. Because I didn't expect them to care for me THAT much. And because I am emotional. Seriously, I cry almost everyday from watching TV adverts, scenes from reality shows, and from reading. Parah weh!

Anyway! Penang is different after a year being there. I use to say I like the place, but hated the people there. I wanted to leave, I really hated it! But Alhamdulillah, I finally found people I am at ease with. Friends I greatly appreciate for being there for me, for sharing, for putting up with me, for trying to understand me, for adapting to me. Thank you Yonkey, Tangsue, Grobe, Diamond, Mini, Lii Jing, Kimi, KIKI, Mas, Awek, Cip, Syafiq, Pumpum, Ciara, Muncheekins, Ain and Fly. Oh! And Dr. Shu and Dr. Zailan and Dr. Hazlina. For giving me hope that not all lecturers are uptight and old fashion. InsyaAllah I will not have to go through what nearly killed my faith on friendship in Unisel. I have high hopes for my 'race-less' friends. =)

Wanting to go to Australia was a really big deal. But I didn't set high hopes. I taught myself not to expect to much. In love and in life. Being a realist, I take into consideration of everything. Such as the RM 16k I owe PTPTN, the nearly RM 100k needed for 2 years there (that we can't afford), my grandaunts and granduncles yang dah tak sihat sangat dah, my expanding family that I don't want to miss out on, and other things yang tak perlu mention. The point is, I need to be here. No matter how much I want to be in Australia, its not written for me. Not right now. And yes, I want to be here.

Of late, I ajar diri sendiri untuk see the outcome of something as positive either way. I may not get what I want, but I make sure I am grateful of the outcome. Jangan expect, jangan berharap, bila kita tak beria-ria kita tak sakit. Dan kita bersyukur dengan apa-apa yang jadi. 

Macam dengan he-who-I-really-liked-but-can't-seem-to-attract, tak menjadi. Tak apa, Alhamdulillah. Mungkin bukan dia.

Macam dengan dia-yang seperti-boleh-tapi-rupanya-tidak. Tak apa, Alhamdulillah. Memang bukan dia.

Macam dengan Z yang chipsmore, Tak apa. Belum rezeki. Ehe! (Apasal kau lain sikit?)

Dan khas buat seorang yang sebenarnya memang tak benarkan saya pergi,

Toto, I'm staying. ♥