In efforts to fix myself, remove negativity, eliminate toxic people - I've become a recluse. I noticed I didn't like it much because I am so not an introvert. I loveeeeeee being around people, big crowds. But it's necessary. Change is necessary, change can be good. This change specifically is for the good.

So ennui and lethargy has been my constant companion recently. The only remedy for me is my huge family. They're my happy pills, my positive injection. I have friends around me who have been helping too. Just by being around, they don't know how much they mean to me. Really.

My constant reminder to myself right now is just to be good. To do good. Let go. Some things are not meant to stay. There's a silver lining why I don't get what I want right now. Maybe it's the time - not yet. Maybe I'm not ready - emotionally, financially. Forget physicality - never made much impact.

Give chance to yourself. To be the best version of yourself. InsyaAllah. Sometimes I hate that I turn to Allah only when I am at my lowest point. But I read somewhere that maybe the difficulties are sent to you as a reminder, of how much He is missing you and want you to remember Him too.

Alhamdulillah. Tak sangka begitu bertuah dalam ramai-ramai, masih ada ruang untuk dipilih.

Terima kasih. Thank you. I give myself to you. As I've always belonged to you. And I hope I will always remember that. Don't let me go please.

I'll make You my #relationshipgoals :)

Salam Aidilfitri!

Not too late I hope. Been away for too long. Had no time for myself, what more to write for leisure.
How was your Eid? Great I hope!

Mine was good. Can be better. Unlike our usual ABCB raya in Pekan, this year we had to shift the venue to Kuantan since there's a water shortage in the area.

Was not really looking forward to it as I was so sure that things would be different. It was. The raya feel was lesser.

Oh well, main thing is we all managed to be with each other.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri evrybadeh! Mohon dimaafkan semua kesalahan yang disedari juga yang tidak. Last Ramadhan, I've initiated to be the better version of myself and not be angry all the time. InsyaAllah, semoga this change will continue and I'm able to get the result I seek.

Assalammualaikum.

I am the type of person who writes whenever I need to cope with sadness. i used to blog all the time. And then it was on Facebook status, responses were immediate. i didnt like it much. I moved to Twitter - the messages get dilluted by others' faster. But that means it gets small amount of readership. Maybe none, people will just scroll it up.

And then theres Instagram. Where people collect likes and try to outdo each other with photographs. Giving impression that life is all rainbows and unicorns tapi sebenarnya kuda padi je.

Nevertheless, I am one of those people too. For years I've been all positive in my Instagram. Until recently when major things happened. I started jotting my thoughts and upload it as pictures rather than writing it on the caption. I started with #AStoryADay and now shifted to #MidnightMicroblogging

Lets face it, like many Malaysian - my followers dont read too. They click like because photos are pretty, girls are hot, abs, overpriced food etc etc. Thus the reason I will not participate in collecting likes. If I do, my social experiment will be a major failure.

Thats it. 

To more things to look forward to in 2016.

Happiness,

Quality time,

People to love.

InsyaAllah.

I never meant for Serendipity to be depressing.

But thats all Ive been.

And every time I feel bad - I put it into writing.

I dont know when or how it happened, 

but Ive lost my drive.

The drive to want, to aspire, to strive.

The drive to be open, to make effort, to allow.

Ive lost my dream. 

I forgot my aim. 

Im simply, there.

Im lost.

I feel forgotten.

Im in despair.

Im still hopeful.

I just wish to always remember

The desire 

To laugh

To love

To live

Ultimately

To remember my life

This was meant to be a 1 para FB post - after I saw photos and read news of Tunku Jalil's passing. But then feelings flooded in. When youre alone and exhausted, steer away from nostalgia and sadness. Its a black hole.

"When you have experienced great lost, you become vulnerable. I cry watching other people coping with lost. Its like I am reliving mine 😢

I never questioned why I never got the chance to be in attendance when my brother passed, because I know God is giving me the chance to overcome grief.

For He knows there would not be any strenght left in me had I been present. I left him, I said goodbye.

As selfish it may be, I was the one who went away. He didnt leave me.

In loving memories and painful heartache, I miss you Adik."