Considering Career Change, Conflicts and Commitments


How do one find time to write? Seriously?

I used to write all the time. When I'm happy for the little freedom that young girl had, I'd blog about it.When I'm sad to the verge of depression, I'd blog about it. Little little things, I will write almost everything that happened to me here.

How come I don't do it any more? I don't like growing up. You have to think ahead. Just when you thought you're comfortable, you thought....THIS IS IT! - nope, it's not. That restlessness comes in. You found a void that you never knew existed.

I was working late for almost 2 months for an exhibition. And when it's over, I felt empty. I know some of it was the withdrawal syndrome. But it was worse. I was unhappy. When an exhibition is over, and you meet all the targets, you're supposed to feel a sense of accomplishment.

I didn't.

I considered a career change. I toy with the idea of teaching.

Last weekend on the way to Kuantan, I brought up the issue to my parents. In return, they took me to a long, emotional conversation served with humble pie. Mama seems OK with the idea but she wanted me to pursue my Masters first. Personally, I don't think I have the energy, interest, fund nor patience to even start that journey. In future, I don't know. I've told myself if I'm not married by 30 then I'll start studying again. Who knows? Right now, I don't see me moving that side.

I know, how can I teach if I don't have my Masters? Apparently I am qualified to teach Diploma course. So that's a backup plan already. To be a full-time lecturer then I must get my Masters.

Right. My father was not as supportive.

He started with, "Why leave when you are doing something you like? They pay you well, there's a lot of perks and the company treats you well. You get things others dream of having. You made us proud. We can proudly tell other people of what you do, where you've been to, where you're going next.

Don't think I don't know you were depressed after high school. Your friends were abroad, going everywhere. And you are a sales girl. Now look where you are. We are happy, knowing you are happy with what you do."

And that did it for me. Bring on the waterworks.

True. All he said is true. But..... I am now 26. I work late, I hardly see my parents and brother. I get homesick though I live with them. Some friends check on available dates with my calendar for their weddings. I am not yet married but as it is I'm becoming one of those relative you only hear their names and never see them much. I am worried.

Not many people understand why I think this way. I'm young, I'm supposed to make money. I don't have relationship commitments bla bla bla.

I do have relationship commitments - they're my family. In future - my own family and his. I have survived without money but I don't think I can without the people around me.

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